Feeling of happiness as an adult. All unhappy people are unhappy for one reason. What things make adults happy

A sense of happiness is our most basic expectation in life. So most people will tell you if you ask them what they are striving for. The desire to be happy is what makes us continue to move forward. Unfortunately, not all of them achieve this. Why? Because we incorrectly define “happiness”.

1. It has nothing to do with money. It is said that it is better to cry in a Ferrari than on a bicycle, but the example of Denmark proves that we are wrong. It is in the top 3 countries most comfortable for living, and Copenhagen is also the most convenient for cyclists. So it seems better to ride a bike than to sit in an expensive car to maintain a far-fetched image. The feeling of happiness has nothing to do with having money.

2. It has nothing to do with material things. We live in a society of mass consumerism, which teaches us that happiness is directly related to what we have. To be happy, we NEED new phone, new SUV or designer suit. We believe that we will be happy with material things. The fact is that the more things we collect around us, the more we are dissatisfied with our lives.

3. It has nothing to do with beauty. Even the most beautiful women on Earth they are considered too fat or too skinny. They also have problems with self-esteem. Not all of them are the happiest people, and their life is not as fantastic as you think. Happiness is not the outward beauty and size of the XS.

4. It affects your mental and physical health. We ourselves create reality in our own head. Remember your health - this is one of the most important things. How do you feel when you have a fever or a terrible migraine? In this state, can you really feel happy? Appreciate your health and start taking care of yourself.

5. It is connected with the ability to forgive. Internal grievances can be more dangerous than you think. Of course, cheating or betrayal cannot be considered a pleasant experience, but the problem is how much you allow this to influence your feeling of happiness. Whenever you feel that you are unable to forgive someone, remember that you may also have hurt or betrayed another person. - This is the exact opposite of happiness, so try to eliminate it from your life.

6. It is connected with the ability to let go. Sometimes people leave us, sometimes we lose them. Life is not always fair and simple. Some events cannot be calculated and predicted, and we cannot go back, so we need to come to terms with the past in order to live in the present.

7. It is the ability to value what you have. If you read this, then you have access to the Internet and a computer. You are most likely not hungry and have a roof over your head. And this is more than enough. Start to appreciate what you have, because you are among those who won the lottery of life.

8. This is the ability to move on one’s path without turning off it. Realizing a dream is an amazing feeling, but for this you have to go to it, sometimes long and hard. Every step of the way is already a reason to be proud and happy! There is no final destination, because there is always the next dream, so you need to start getting from your life journey.

9. This is the ability to live in the present. Anxiety about what the future will bring you, and regrets about actions in the past, often do not allow us to live the only moment that we have, and this is our present. The time machine does not exist. We will never know what is going to happen, and we are not able to change what has been done, but we can do something at the moment.

10. This is love. Happy people - these are those who smile at the world. They are surrounded by loved ones and every day again and again fall in love with life. The feeling of happiness always comes down to your ability to truly love.

A feeling of happiness ... A man is built in such a way that he constantly strives for it. But does he know what happiness is? How do we imagine it? What are we doing to achieve it and what do we get as a result?

Feeling of happiness: how to achieve it? What is happiness for us and where is it?

Firstly, I want to note, and, probably, everyone will agree with this that the feeling of happiness is an intangible category, not one that can be felt. Even if for some people a feeling of happiness arises as a reaction to some object, say, money, then money itself is not happiness, namely the attitude of a given person to them. That is, happiness, its sensation, is a category related to the internal state of a person, and depends on his values. It does not exist by itself, outside of man. And at the same time, a person feels it as a result of interaction with the outside world.

Secondly, can this category be eternal? Within the framework of one person - no, since the person himself is not eternal. Moreover, even during one life, minutes of feelings of happiness are replaced by suffering. Even an elementary short-term hunger or a cold is already a small suffering that every person has experienced. Suffering is the opposite of a feeling of happiness, and simply a way out of this suffering can already be felt as happiness. Little suffering is little happiness, great suffering is great happiness. Often we get a feeling of happiness in contrast to suffering.

But it happens that a person does not experience suffering for a very long time, and then he does not separate these two categories, he does not even know that he is happy, he has no thoughts about it and that he needs to do something, to become happy. He just does what he does, without thinking about how to be happy, because he is already in it.

Why do some experience a lot of suffering, while others do not? This is, perhaps, a question that has tormented humanity since ancient times. I will try to approach his answer from a new point of view - systemic vector psychology , and try not to hurt the feelings of those who share a lot of suffering.

So, a sense of happiness in a general sense in systemic vector psychology is defined as a pleasure experienced by a person as a response to the fulfillment of his innate properties, desires, which occurs due to his interaction with other people, animals, objects - everything that is around a person. In what role nature has assigned us, we have no choice. To fulfill it, we are given a set of relevant desires, which are also not subject to us, and properties (talents) for their realization, which is called a vector. There are eight of them. A person can have several vectors, and then he will have more desires, and accordingly more properties, predispositions. In addition, there is such a thing as temperament - this is, as it were, a quantitative measure of desires in a person. For example, two people who have the same vectors but different temperament will have desires of different strengths. Coming into the world with his desires already inherent in him, a person has all the possibilities for their realization - in the world there is everything with the help of which a person can realize them and experience a feeling of happiness.

Every person is born in order to be happy. Everyone feels happy in his own way.

A huge role in the ways in which a person will enjoy and whether he will be able to receive them, and not be constantly in suffering, sometimes feeling relieved, is played by development from birth to 14-15 years, which is more dependent on parents. Up to this age, the desired properties develop to a certain level, and already in adulthood we use these properties to satisfy our desires (under some conditions, the makings may not develop at all and even go into minus, and then we will get a person who is not able to receive at all pleasure).

So, that person who rarely and briefly experiences suffering, who is he? How is it arranged? This is just the person whose innate properties, vectors, are not just developed, but also realized: that is, a person is in such conditions and in such an environment where it is possible to realize them, and only them, that is, simultaneously with the manifestation of his own, innate , it does not require the manifestation of properties alien to it. This is the mechanism for obtaining pleasure, which inside feels like happiness. Again, I repeat that it is impossible to feel it in the absence of external conditions conducive to this, in the absence of a society, of a team into which these properties are “taken out”, because “not taken out” properties that have not got out through the action are not living, they “ go out ”inside a person, bringing him suffering, since the design of nature regarding this person has not been realized by him.

So we come to the cause of suffering. Having inside our desires (as it seems to us, our desires, but we don’t create them) and a certain level of development of our vectors, but not being able to realize them, external conditions, we don’t get our pleasure and feelings of happiness, joy according to the mechanism described above .

So what is our freedom of choice as a person? It seems that it does not exist at all: we do not choose our desires and innate properties, we also do not choose our role in society (although sometimes it seems to us that it is the other way around, but, having chosen not our role, but someone else's, for some reason we and there is no feeling of happiness). For everyone there is a certain mechanism for receiving pleasure, which is also not chosen by us.

But what are we then doing here? What can we choose?

In all this there is only one variable - these are external conditions. Environment. This concept includes not only people, groups with which a person closely deals, but also books, information, films, everything that surrounds him and somehow influences him. This is the corner in our consciousness that we equip ourselves, naturally, taking into account our initial data. In this way, a person is able to experience a feeling of happiness or suffering of his own choosing.

What is the meaning of our suffering? They are a lack of pleasure, happiness, telling us about what properties were left untouched in us, not brought out, what else does nature want from us, which has placed such a burden on us in the form of our desires. They are a whip that makes us move, live, manifest ourselves. It will not work to sit aside, we all influence this world in the same way as it affects us.

If we experience suffering, then we went the wrong way, against our nature, and it is by all possible ways trying to return us to our only true path, the path of self-realization and a sense of happiness.

Despite the seeming fatalism, we actually have a huge arsenal, a huge choice in where we can do it. It's just that for the most part we live with ignorance of these laws, the laws of our human nature, and therefore we poke at random, exploring ourselves through our own experience, most often bad. Or, wallowing in enormous egocentrism, disagreeing with these laws, “we are fighting the hardness of the stone,” trying to prove to ourselves and to someone else that we ourselves determine ALL that we are the masters of our lives. However, from the above reasoning, it is clear that we are already them, you just need to know where and what it is - my life. The owner of anything should know and understand what is good and what is bad for this “anything”.

The greatest feeling of happiness and the greatest suffering we can get when interacting with other people. A person is born in a collective and in it realizes his innate properties, his natural role

Knowing exactly how to receive that cherished pleasure, feeling of happiness and experiencing less suffering, without poking at random, without accumulating bad experience, becomes much easier with the knowledge of your nature, its laws. These laws, after long centuries of searching, are finally revealed to our understanding and formed into a beautiful, holistic system .

Humanity, more and more deeply comprehending the laws of inanimate nature, has learned to physically live more comfortable, reducing distances with the help of land, water air transportlighting at home not only during the day but also at night, and even creating a new two-dimensional communication space - the Internet. We are far advanced in the life of the body. The life of the soul and its comfort are far behind in time. Now a tool has appeared for this.

At a training in systemic vector psychology, people do not just get information about how is our mental , about the laws that are valid in it and not visible to the eye, but also learn to naturally live with knowledge of these laws, receiving more pleasure and less suffering.

Thousands of people around the world already changed your life and learned to make her happier. Your time has come.

Be the author of your own life

People who consider themselves victims of circumstances and an unfavorable fate, who are sure that the world will be turned to them by some kind of wrong place, and they can change little, who blame others for their failure or bad mood, will never be satisfied with themselves and their life.

But those who soberly assess their capabilities, believe that everything is in his hands, that we are largely the creators of our own destiny, and at the same time remember the factor of luck and external sometimes irresistible forces, are much more successful and satisfied.

Scientists have found that the most important condition for a sense of well-being is the desire for a goal and the process of achieving it. Active life position and determination inspire, and it is this inspiration that fills us with a sense of happiness.

Understand your needs

It is impossible to feel happy if you do not live your own life and not your own interests, you do not catch the subtle whisper of your needs and desires. Unrealized needs are always the path to dissatisfaction and further to neurosis.

Usually, dissatisfaction is felt as "I feel bad" (or "everything is bad"), "they don’t understand me," "I can’t be myself." But! Nevertheless, each person is responsible for understanding what he wants and what he lacks.

Therefore, it is so important to establish contact with yourself, listen to yourself and look for answers to the question “what do I want?”, “What is expensive and important for me?”, “What will make me happier and how can I achieve this?”

The feeling that you know what you want and independently choose how, where and with whom you live, gives incredible inner strength and resistance to life's difficulties.

Accept yourself and others for who they are

Each person has his own strengths and visible virtues. Each has its own set of imperfections. And this is normal. But until we see, recognize and accept our various sides, we don’t accept others either: “Why are you like that? Change! ”

It’s like we chop ourselves and people in half: this, good and bright, I take, the rest - do not, change, hide. Only when we begin to see and accept ourselves in the 3D volume do we see others as multifaceted, un-truncated, somewhat close to us, and somewhat alien.

And do not seek to condemn. And we give ourselves and those around us the right to make mistakes and the right to be ourselves, no better and worse than the rest. It’s just the right to be different, with one’s own temperament, one’s feelings, “sharp corners”, a picture of the world, values \u200b\u200band interests.

What does this have to do with feeling happy? The most immediate: acceptance gives freedom and a sense of self-worth.

It means that you are tolerant of both yourself and others, internally agree that they are like that. And just live, realizing all the best that is in you. For pleasure. Do not bite yourself bit by bit for imperfection. And do not waste your energy in eradicating the imperfection of others.

See reality and be flexible

I think it’s clear what this is about - to see the world, yourself in it and the people around you real, without pink glasses and illusions. Otherwise, it happens like this: "He has not been calling for a week, because he has a lot of work." "He does not give flowers, because the old soldier does not know the words of love."

Not. He does not call, because he is not very passionate. Or even not at all passionate. And he does not give flowers, because he does not consider it necessary. I would like to please (or at worst get admiration for myself), I would have given it a long time ago.

It would seem that the “vision of reality” in this case does not make you particularly happy (who is pleased to realize that your interest is much higher than the interest of a man you like?). But this is good. This allows you not to waste time. And see everything as it is. And make the right decisions. And then do not suffer from unjustified expectations and erroneous choices.

Flexibility implies that you have a wide range of tools at your disposal to cope with life. You do not follow the same pattern, but change the way you react. Flexibility provides more room for change, which means fewer problems.

Respect yourself and support

Accepting and seeing reality is, of course, great. But accepting others does not mean unconditional and ongoing approval. Many people confuse this.

Accepting another person does not mean letting yourself knock on the head and silently demolish everything that is unpleasant and unacceptable. This means understanding what kind of person is next to you, what are its strengths and limitations. Decide for yourself whether you want to deal with him like that, then.

And if he makes you unpleasant or (perhaps accidentally) painful - tell him about it, and not endure, "accepting", and not be silent. This is called self-esteem.

Self-esteem helps to disagree with relationships that hurt and destroy you, and choose those people with whom you are well and who want to be near. And the ability to take care of oneself and maintain oneself in difficult situations increases vitality and helps not to be afraid of difficulties: “I have me. Together we can handle it. ”

Adults are us. We ourselves are responsible for our lives and set an example for children, including an example of how to be happy. Psychologist Irina Chesnova talks about the skills of an adult who help to find happiness.

Be the author of your own life

As an adult, a person begins to build his own life. And here a lot depends on the internal position.

Understand your needs

Therefore, it is so important to establish contact with yourself, listen to yourself and look for the answer to the question “what do I want?”, “What is expensive and important for me?”, “What will make me happier and how can I achieve this?”

The feeling that you know what you want and independently choose how, where and with whom you live, gives incredible inner strength and resistance to life's difficulties.

Accept yourself and others for who they are

What does this have to do with feeling happy? The most immediate: acceptance gives freedom and a sense of self-worth.

See reality and be flexible

Respect yourself and support

Accepting and seeing reality is, of course, great. But accepting others does not mean unconditional and ongoing approval. Many people confuse this.

And if he makes you unpleasant or (perhaps accidentally) painful - tell him about it, and not endure, "accepting", and not be silent. This is called self-esteem.

Professor Mihai Cixentmihaii, a cult American philosopher and psychologist, devoted most of his life to the study of the phenomenon of happiness and founded his direction in the field of positive psychology, which is gaining more and more popularity. His know-how is the idea of \u200b\u200bflow, a state of full inclusion, loss of a sense of time, lack of fear and anxiety, dissolution of the ego and a feeling of absolute fullness of life.

Flow is a very powerful experience, it is addictive. We must learn to get out of it at the first demand of reality!

1. Happiness is not what happens to us.To be happy you need to learn. Do not forget that you create (or do not) happiness every minute with your thoughts. After all, it is you who choose how to relate to what is happening to you.

2. When I set myself the goal of sorting out, why some people know how to be happy, while others do not, I began to study two groups of people. The first is those who have lost everything in life, including health and loved ones, but this did not break them. On the contrary, they managed to find a new meaning in life and new incentives for self-development. And they were happier than those to whom fate seemed to be supportive. The second is creative people: artists, musicians, writers. When they were doing what they liked, it seemed as if nothing else existed for them - they fell into a special state, similar to a drug high. After many years of research, I came to the conclusion that the know-how of both is the ability to control consciousness and manage one’s psychic energy.

3. Money wealth and even health is not a guarantee of happiness. Yes, they can improve life, but if you do not know how to manage energy, then you will still miss something. Seneca said: “The blessings of prosperity should be desired, and the blessings of disasters should be admired.” There are two types of reactions to stress: neurotic defense, when you blame the whole world for the misfortunes that have fallen on you, and “mature” defense, when you are able to overcome chaos, so that at least there is order in your head. When problems fall on you, learn to temporarily turn off anger and emotions in general. Try to logically analyze the situation and reformulate the problem so that it is easier to solve with the help of alternative opportunities and strategies.

4. Learn to have fun every day.I suggest a simple way. Make a to-do list that works well for you. It is important that they are not too complicated - otherwise you will be nervous. But not too simple - otherwise you will quickly become bored. It is important that you really enjoy doing them, so that during these activities you forget about time and about yourself. Try to devote time to one of these tasks every day and gradually complicate tasks. So you will learn to enter the state of Flow.

5. Share your Stream with children, teach them to enjoy life. Be honest with them so they know what you expect from them. Worry less about their future, and instead listen to what the child is thinking and what he is feeling at the moment. Do not put pressure on children and do not limit their freedom - let them know that they can act at their discretion, including violating parental rules if they are ready to deal with the consequences. Let them with early age learn to entertain themselves. My wife and my two sons never punished or imposed our ambitions or forced them to eat or do homework. But from an early age they had the opportunity to do what they really were interested in. We often praised them and sincerely (this is very important - the children feel everything!) We were surprised at any of their achievements. (Now they are professors, and each managed to become famous: one is a mathematician, the other is a specialist in Chinese philosophy of the 4th century.) It is also very important that there is communication and trust in the family - then the child will not have anxiety and he will be able to invest his own energy is not in psychological self-defense, but in self-development. And just love them - unconditionally. People who were afraid in childhood that their parents would stop loving them, in adulthood, are so worried about the integrity of their own “I” that they are not able to enjoy life.

Do not be afraid to work. At work, it is easiest to enter a state of flow, that is, happiness.

6. Stream - a feeling of fullness of life, that is - happiness. The more often you are in the Stream, the less of your life energy is wasted. And the more joy in your life. This condition is not so difficult to learn. I have highlighted several Flow Rules. First: what you do should be good for you so that you don’t waste energy on doubts about yourself. You do not need to engage in introspection, because nothing threatens your Ego. The “I” in the stream seems to disappear, but when you exit this state, your “I” becomes stronger. Second: you must be fully focused on the process so that there is no room in the consciousness for information that is not relevant at the moment. Third: the perception of time is changing. Hours turn into minutes, and minutes can stretch into hours. You seem to fall into a narrow time tunnel where only the present is real. Fourth: you must have clearly defined goals and the ability to quickly get feedback. Fifth: you completely forget about worries and problems, as if they are no longer in your life. From this forces and ideas becomes even more, as if you are connected to an endless stream of a single cosmic energy. Sixth: you have a feeling of control over the situation and, as a result, over your life.

7. You can enter the Stream from almost any job - from ironing shirts to conquering Everest. The dancer describes it this way: “Concentration is becoming all-encompassing. Thoughts stop wandering, you don’t think about anything else, completely absorbed in your movement ... Energy seems to flow through you, you feel relaxed, confident and full of strength. " And here’s what the chess player says: “I have an unusual feeling of inner well-being. I completely control my world, control the course of things and events. ” My acquaintance climber describes the Stream as follows: “It is terribly inspiring to reach new heights in self-discipline. You make the body work, everything hurts, and then you look back and you are delighted with yourself and what you have done. It causes ecstasy. If you have won enough battles with yourself, it becomes easier to win in the world. ”

8. Do not be afraid to work hard.It is during work, and not rest, that there are much more chances to enter the Stream, which means - in happiness. The main thing is that your work is diverse, you have interesting, constantly complicated tasks that match your skills, so that your activity has a goal and the opportunity to receive feedback.

9. Ask yourself: what does it take your unused hours to do? Scientists have estimated that the average person in Western civilization spends directly on work no more than 30 hours a week, he is at work for another 10 hours, but lounges around - plays a computer, chatting with colleagues. Twenty hours a week is spent on leisure, of which seven hours are spent on television, three hours are spent on reading, two hours are spent on sports, and another seven are spent on communication and entertainment. Remaining 50-60 hours of wakefulness. Our ancestors had much less free time, but not the fact that we enjoy life more than they do.

Surprise is a reflection of the purest form of pleasure.

10. Once I conducted an experiment using the “sample of experiences” method. It turned out that we feel happier doing our favorite things, requiring investment not of money, but of psychic energy, that is, our full attention. These things include: talking with friends, reading, interesting work.

11. Do not become slaves to your hobbies. Do not, for example, play sports (by the way, this is one of the most affordable “streaming” activities if you approach it correctly), because you must or because it is fashionable. Normal walks can bring no less joy than membership in an expensive fitness club. But do not walk "on autopilot", try to control the process. Set a goal - for example, learn to walk, and think of the maximum number of intermediate goals associated with it (for example, to increase the distance traveled a little each time). Measure your own progress, enjoy even small victories and gradually raise the bar.

12. Democritus said that the greatest good in life is "a mind free from fear." It is more difficult for self-centered and shy ones to be happy. Excessive psychological defense, eternal self-focus, concern about how you look and what they think about you are vampires of your energy.

13. Observe the person involved in the game: he is fully involved in the process, does not think about the result, his ego is not included. All his energy is directed to the "here and now", he is very good. Work is the same game, only better. The great biochemist Linus Pauling, winner of two Nobel Prizes, worked without ceasing, all his life - he died at 93. He once told me that he did not know the feeling of fatigue at all. Where did he get the energy from? He treated work like a game.

14. Try to find meaning in everything you do.Spend your mental energy not on doubts, regrets, feelings of guilt or fear, but on things that you consider useful and that make you happy.

15. Surprise.Surprise even more. Already 400 years ago, Francis Bacon realized that surprise is a reflection of the purest form of pleasure.

16. Learn by heart - verses, lyrics.This is a method of controlling consciousness - you can always find a meaningful reason for joy in the bins of your memory. Read verses to yourself by heart - they allow the mind to maintain experiences in a concentrated form and, if necessary, accurately articulate what kind of emotion haunts you.

17. Do not waste energy trying to fill up time to avoid being alone. Learn to enjoy the minutes when you are left alone. They are a great opportunity to know yourself and try to manage your world.

18. Flow - a very strong experience, this condition is addictive. Remember what happened to the hero of Nabokov’s novel, Luzhin’s Defense? Do not lose vigilance, do not seek to escape into the Stream from real life! Learn not only to enter the Stream, but also to leave it at the first demand of reality, otherwise it will destroy you.

19. Taoists 2300 years ago realized that the only right way of life is to act spontaneouslywithout thinking about external benefits and merging with the world. Trust yourself, your abilities, the world as a whole and your place in it. Act with confidence, and the best decisions will come by themselves.

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