How do you deal with being mediocre? Memento mori: how to come to terms with the fact that everyone you love will die

In my youth and youth, I considered myself quite a significant person. I won the city's mathematical olympiads and therefore considered myself one of the smartest people of our time. I had been in wrestling for many years, so I thought I could be rude to strangers. And when the rudiments of literary talent were discovered in me, I decided that I have the right to any failures and mistakes in other areas of life - my immortal creativity will atone for everything.

At the same time, I was a rather unhappy person. I was constantly dissatisfied with myself and the people around me, even the weather and things. I often hit things and scolded myself with cruel words. A good mood was a very rare guest, and any trifle could frighten him away. Relations with humanity were tense.

Years passed, which brought many unpleasant discoveries. Mathematical Olympiads of a higher rank showed how many people are noticeably smarter than me. Some situations on the street convinced me that rarely when I can solve a situation by force, and indeed, strength is not in techniques and muscles. And the most unpleasant discovery was that my gift for words is much lower than that of Gogol, and the size of my soul is much smaller than that of Dostoevsky, and therefore mankind will not lose anything from the fact that I will not write. A few more years passed until I experienced these discoveries, reconciled myself to a new vision of myself, found new goals and meaning in life, quite ordinary, ordinary ones.

Now the weather doesn't bother me. I never get angry at things and at myself. And if I happen to reproach myself, harmless words are found for this. Relations with humanity have warmed. There is practically no bad mood, and when he visits, I drive him away in three counts. In general, there is no trace of the former despondency.

Why did I share my pain with you? So that we can answer the question together: is it by chance that as self-conceit and ambition decrease, despondency disappears, and a person comes into a state of harmony with himself and the world around him?

No, not by chance. Before explaining this in more detail and deriving a recipe for defeating depression, let's say that we are not talking about all depression. Approximately 20% of depressions have physiological causes, or at least physiology is closely involved in the mechanism of depression. This same conversation is about such a depression, the causes of which are spiritual in nature. Such depression can be called chronic despondency, despair.

So, such depression always has a reason. This reason lies not in external circumstances, but in the human soul. More precisely, in one very specific quality. This quality is called pride.

My statement will seem surprising, since we are accustomed to consider pride as one of the virtues of a person. We well remember the phrases: “noble pride”, “do you have no pride at all?”, “A person should have pride”.

Let us answer immediately and decisively: there is no such thing as “noble pride”. And a person should not have pride if he does not want to be unhappy, hated by people, and maybe even reach suicide.

That bright and noble, which we sometimes confuse with pride, is human dignity - the consciousness of the high dignity of what is inherent in us, as in any person. This is certainly a good and much-needed quality. But pride is something else. If dignity says: "I am as divine as other people," then pride whispers: "I am better than others and worthy of more than many."

Before the revolution of 1917, everyone knew what a misfortune this very pride was. But the leaders of the communists set themselves the task of making the people of Russia unhappy and powerless, for this they tried to turn vital things upside down. This is how the hitherto unknown "noble pride", "noble rage" and other similar absurd slogans were born. During the time of Soviet power, the false nobility of pride has become so ingrained in the minds that, in order to avoid confusion in modern spiritual literature, a less slandered synonym is often used to denote pride - pride.

So what is pride, she is pride, and why does it lead to despondency, and sometimes leads to suicide?

Anatomy of pride

The history of the appearance of pride in the world is as follows.

In the world created by God there was no evil, only good. And since one of the properties of good is freedom (otherwise, what kind of good would it be if it was not done of good will?), the angels also had this freedom. And one day the greatest of the angels - Dennitsa - decided that it was not enough for him to be an angel, decided to become equal to God and rebelled against the Creator. Some of the angels followed him. Now we know the former Dennitsa under the name of Satan, and the fallen angels as demons. They seek, through lies, to bring people into the same unfortunate state in which they themselves are. Satan deceived Adam and Eve into disobedience to God, and the first people, leaving God, naturally left paradise as well.

Pride is the unwillingness to put up with what you have and thank God for everything. It was this evil passion that made the sparkling Dennitsa a dark Satan, cast some of the angels into hell, expelled people from paradise and became the cause of all the current torment of mankind, all the pain of all people from Adam to you. And to the pain of each person, his pride is most directly related.

Let's take a closer look at what our pride does to us.

I think everyone has heard the well-known wisdom: "Happy is not the one who has everything he wants, but the one who is satisfied with what he has." Heard something we heard and we agree that this is indeed the formula for happiness. But she doesn't help us. We cannot be satisfied with what we have. Why doesn't it work? Because pride gets in the way.

Pride tells us: “The one and the other has this and that, and you are worse? Poor you, unfortunate, how unfair life is to you! Why did this God, if he exists, deal with you so cruelly?

Thus, pride entails such feelings and actions as envy, grumbling at fate, self-pity. Agree that these are rather unpleasant, painful feelings. Naturally, a person tries to get rid of the pain caused by these feelings. But how?

Instead of acting directly on his feelings, on his soul, removing from himself the root of his troubles - pride, a person seeks relief in satisfying his pride, that is, in order to "improve" his position, which pride is dissatisfied with. A man is content, his pride is dissatisfied!

The first sons of Adam were Cain and Abel. Abel was a kind man and his sacrifices were pleasing to God. Evil Cain was tormented by envy. Cain could calm his heart by overcoming pride by trusting God: “Since God shows that Abel’s actions are more pleasing to him, then they are really better. I'll put up with it, I'll endure my share." But Cain acted differently: tormented by envy, he killed his brother Abel. Did Cain feel better after that, did his pride calm down? Of course not. He had to flee with his wife from his parents to another land, but where could he escape from the torment of his conscience?

We didn't kill our brothers. But tormented by our pride, we act just as unreasonably as Cain: we do not fight the cause of our suffering - pride, we dream of satisfying pride with sacrifices.

“Why do others already have boyfriends (girls) and you don’t yet? The worse you are, you don’t even have anything to brag to your friends!” - pride whispers to us, and we commit the sin of fornication, from which our happiness does not increase at all, quite the contrary.

“Why do they have money and what it buys, but you don’t, poor thing!” - pride torments us. And we commit dishonest acts in order to enrich ourselves, or instead of a profession we like, we choose a more profitable profession. Does it make us happier? No one has yet found happiness by losing himself.

“Yes, they do bad things (they steal, take drugs), but why are they allowed, but you are not?” - asks pride. And we, following a bad example, become more unhappy.

“Why does she have such a good husband, and I have no one? I want this husband! - whispers pride to a woman, and she rushes to beat off someone else's husband. If it works out, you won't envy her. And if it doesn't work, then too.

“You are worthy of the love and reverence of the masses,” says pride, and a person without talent climbs onto the stage, at the laughingstock of connoisseurs and history.

“You are worthy of power,” pride lies, and a person who does not know how to control himself rushes into politics in order to control millions.

Pride makes painful any attempt to endure anything: “Why do you, so good, so great, have to endure this? Where did this pain come from, it was not at all part of our plans with you. We planned a great path of continuous successes, victories and pleasures. No, it's just unbearable! I don't want to endure it!"

“Doctors say it’s bad for me to drink. But I want! Others can, but I'm worse than that? - a person hears the voice of pride and after a while dies of cirrhosis.

Yes, all these “I want”, “I don’t want” are used by pride against us very cleverly. She always wants what is not, but does not want what is.

So we're falling down. We lose joy, we lose ourselves. We inevitably encounter situations where even our willingness to throw anything on the black altar of insatiable pride does not help us. Love, conscience, honor, friendship have already been abandoned, but this is not enough for pride. It puts us in situations where we are simply powerless to do anything. She torments us with rejection of our parents - but we are powerless to change them. It torments us with the desire to win the love of some person or group of people - but love can only be won by love, and we do not have love, because where pride is strong, there is evil, and love does not live there.

There are many situations where we can't do anything. And then we fall into despondency, like a plane in a tailspin. We skid like a bulldozer resting on a granite rock. Depression sets in.

Meanwhile, the ancestor of pride - Satan - is not inactive. It was he who gave us those thoughts that, together with the pride inherited from our ancestors, brought us to such a deplorable state. But this torment is not yet the limit of Satan's desires. His goal is to bring us to suicide, so that the highest creation of God, with divine dignity, created for heaven, for joy, ends up in hell with a traitor - the former Dennitsa.

We have been led enough by those who wish us harm. Enough! Stop fighting with windmills and conquer ghostly countries. Let's finally get to the real solution of our problems and turn our weapons against the root of all troubles - pride.

The power of humility

The opposite of pride is humility. It is it that is the most powerful "antidepressant" in case of depression-despondency.

Humility only at first, very inattentive glance, may seem something unattractive, similar to weakness. This is not true. There is strength in humility. Reconciliation takes strength. And when a person humbles himself, he becomes even stronger.

I remember, at one of my jobs, I complained to my boss that I, a little boss, have to endure a lot of things from colleagues and subordinates. Her answer then surprised me: “The higher you climb, the more you have to endure!” I looked closely and saw that, indeed, the higher the place, the more difficulties a person has. And you need a lot of humility in order to avoid destructive emotions and successfully manage yourself and people. Russian proverbs also speak of the same: “Without bowing to the ground, you won’t raise a mushroom”, “Live more quietly, it will be more profitable”, “Live more quietly, you will be nicer to everyone”.

Now my former boss heads one of the largest industrial companies in Russia. Although she is not yet forty, her annual salary is in the millions of dollars. I don't think this is the end of her career.

And what achieves in the work of the proud? Proud means resentful. And it is not for nothing that the proverb says: “They carry water on the offended.” Proud loser twice - and his work is always the most difficult and low-paid, and even resentment always tears the soul.

Let's look at the combat situation in the war or on the streets of Russian cities, where the situation is getting closer to the military. The winner is not the fighter who shouts loudly, swears and falls into anger after the first swear word addressed to him, but the one who calmly passes all the swearing past his ears and acts when he himself considers it necessary.

The same is true in personal relationships, even in personal ones especially. A proud person cannot get along with anyone at all. And the humble person retains not only the external side of the relationship, he retains in himself and in the other person the very essence of the relationship - love.

A proud person is like a puddle: throw a stone into it - it is all over and splashed, splashing those around with mud. And a humble person is like the sea: it will swallow any stone without a trace, and even circles will not go on the water.

It is the proverb that laughs at the anger of a proud man: "Thunder rumbles not from a cloud, but from a dunghill." Humility and meekness, on the contrary, are held in high esteem: “He who overcomes his anger is strong”, “Master of his anger is master of everything”, “It is better to endure yourself than offend others.”

Nothing can upset the humble, he is always ready for anything, he takes everything for granted. St. Ephraim the Syrian says: “The meek one, taking all the blows upon himself, remains firm; during a quarrel he is calm, in submission he has fun, he is not stung by pride, he rejoices in humiliation, he does not exalt himself with merits, he does not boast, he lives in peace with everyone. It's not like he's depressed - he doesn't even have a bad mood. “A humble person lives on earth as in the Kingdom of Heaven, always cheerful and calm, and happy with everything,” St. Anthony of Optina.

How to learn humility

How to overcome pride in yourself and develop humility?

First, you need to understand one important law of life: there are no coincidences. Everything that happens to us, literally everything, no matter how small or great, is a consequence of our life up to this moment and is directed to our good.

“Everything that is done is for the better” is one of the sides of this law.

In the Gospel there are amazing words of Christ addressed to people: “Are not five sparrows sold for two assaria? and none of them is forgotten by God. And you and the hair on your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid: you are more valuable than many small birds.

In the Bible, God tells people about his care for us: “Will a woman forget her suckling child, so that she does not have pity on the son of her womb? But even if she forgot, I will not forget you” (Isaiah 49:15). The proverb says the same thing: "Nor the father to the children, as God to the people."

This should only be rejoiced, because we are the beloved creations of God, and everything that He does is directed to our good. And if all external influences on us are directed to our good, then how can something happen that we should be upset about?

Not! Nothing like this can happen to us.

But why then do all sorts of troubles and misfortunes happen to us?

If we believe the pride that tells us that we are the greatest and most beautiful, we will never understand the causes of trouble. But the look of pride is false, false. A sober, honest look is a look of humility.

Humility tells us that we, like everyone else, have many shortcomings. It will be better for us, the less of these shortcomings we have, the more perfect we become.

This is what the Lord wants us to do by allowing us all these troubles. It is “letting go”, and not “sending”. Because the real cause of unhappiness is our previous life and our shortcomings.

How are our shortcomings related to these troubles, and how do these troubles help us to improve? Let's look at a few typical examples.

The plot is the first. The man was cruel in his youth. Often caused mental and even physical pain to loved ones. Once on the street he was severely beaten, his spine was broken. He spent about a year in the hospital, suffered a lot. He could become hardened with fate and people, but he understood everything correctly, rethought it and, having experienced suffering, became more compassionate and careful towards people.

The plot of the second. The girl often changed men. In the end, she married a man whom she took away from a strange family. A few years later, he left her for a younger one. She went through a very difficult period in her life. She could be angry at her husband and fate, but she managed to accept this one as the result of her previous mistakes. She repented of them and began to live chastely, waiting for her man to truly be.

The third plot. The man was extremely greedy for money. He valued money not only above honor, but even above love. He directed all his strength, all his mind to getting rich. But for some reason, he did it worse than those who had less greed. All his enterprises sooner or later failed, barely approaching success. He could spend his whole life on this crazy race, but after another crash, he managed to come to terms with the fact that he would not become rich. And he became much happier. And then the money came. Sami.

In the third plot, the goal could not be money, but fame, power, or the possibility of realizing talent for their own personal purposes. Outcome one.

Plot four. The person was born disabled. He could only move around in a wheelchair. He heard wonderful stories about how healthy beautiful girls fell in love with disabled people and married them, after which, literally and figuratively, they carried them in their arms all their lives. Years passed, he was looking for such a girl, but did not find. Dreams faded. He could fall into despair, drink himself or commit suicide. But he was able to accept his fate. Instead of the love of a girl, he found the love of God. And his soul became beautiful. Life remained outwardly meager, but inwardly became joyful. Later, he realized that external ugliness was a means of decorating his soul, which was too proud and therefore could not love. This deformity cured him of his pride and made him happy. If he had been born healthy, as a result of the progression of pride, he would have committed suicide at the age of 15.

I hope you paid attention to the fact that in each story at a critical moment a person had a choice - to get even more embittered or to accept. It is very important! We are free people and always choose between evil and good. No misfortune in itself will make us better if we ourselves do not apply our mind and efforts.

But even if we understand everything and want to put up with it, we may not have enough of our own strength for this. Or rather, it probably won't be enough. Because pride is aided by the strength of the enemy, the strength of evil spirits. And in order to defeat it, we need the opposite - Divine power. She is always ready to help us. "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

No good deed can be done successfully if you act lazily or thoughtlessly. That work on oneself, which we are talking about, should be done thoughtfully.

The principle of operation is simple. We must always do the opposite of what pride wants us to do. As a rule, she wants from us grumbling against God, despondency, evil feelings towards other people. The opposite will be gratitude to God, joy, good deeds towards those with whom we want to be angry.

The essence of humility is expressed in a short prayer: “Glory to God!” or “Thank God for everything!” Therefore, when we want to crush, break, cry, fight, and the like, we will instead, in spite of our pride, say: “Glory to God for everything!” Thus, we will apply our will in spite of pride, and we will call on God's power to help.

You can start small. We all make small mistakes when something falls out of our hands, or we hit something, or find that something has been forgotten or lost. Usually in such situations, a proud person swears. Let us accustom ourselves at such moments, instead of cursing, to say: “Glory to God!”

It's not difficult at all. And a miracle will happen - in a few months you will see that such trifles no longer upset you at all, you maintain a peaceful mood. This is the beginning of humility.

With the weapon of grateful prayer one can overcome any misfortune, any sorrow.

As for some of our global plans, desires, dreams, we will be much better off if we simply have a realistic, sober approach to all this.

Let's say the commander draws up a battle plan. He has an accurate plan of the area, an accurate knowledge of his own forces and their deployment, and a fairly accurate knowledge of the enemy's forces. With all this knowledge, as well as knowledge of the tactics of military operations, the commander can draw up such a battle plan that will bring victory.

Now let's look at ourselves. Do we know ourselves well - our good and evil qualities, our limiting possibilities, all our talents? Do we understand how our desires correspond to our real needs? To what extent do we know the patterns of life? How well do we know the forces that oppose us, seek to torment us and drive us to suicide? If you are well informed in all these matters, then you have a good chance of making such a plan that will come true.

But the problem is that this is hardly the case. For we are blinded by pride and have little interest in what really matters in this battle. Therefore, our dreams have little chance of coming true. "God forbid our calf to eat the wolf."

These are the plans of the commander, in front of whom is a map of the plain, although in reality he will have to fight in the mountains; his idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis forces is exaggerated, and of the enemy - greatly underestimated. And he does not know that he can call for help from an ally, whose powerful army is half an hour away, just waiting for a signal.

Let's not waste our energy on making stupid, unrealistic plans that will surely collapse! What until the last moment will seem to us a victory will certainly turn into a defeat. Let's try to get to know better the plans that that Ally has about us, who knows everything, has the most accurate maps, and his army is invulnerable and invincible.

The apostle James said: “Now listen to you who say: “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and we will live there one year, and we will trade and make a profit”; you who do not know what will happen tomorrow: for what is your life? vapor that appears for a short time and then disappears. Instead of saying: if the Lord pleases and we live, then we will do both, ”you, in your arrogance, are conceited: any such vanity is evil.”

Book of Proverbs: "There are many plans in the heart of man, but only what is determined by the Lord will come to pass."

Russian proverbs also speak of the same: “Everything in the world is created not by our mind, but by God’s judgment”, “You can’t make veins, which God will not give”, “You can’t take God by force”, “A man is like this, but God is different”, “You are for the worse, and God is for the better”, “Do not live as you want, but as God commands”, “Without God, not to the threshold”.

You will certainly have success in life, there will be achievement of goals, there will be happiness. But all this will be only when you begin to coordinate your goals and actions in God's will. Whether you like it or not, this is how it is. King David, who defeated the hero Goliath and from a simple shepherd became the greatest king of mighty, invincible Israel, knew what he was saying when he said: “Commit your way to the Lord and trust in Him, and He will do, and bring out, as light, your righteousness and your justice is like noon. Submit yourselves to the Lord and trust in Him. Do not be jealous of the one who succeeds in his way, the deceitful person. Stop being angry and leave the rage; do not be jealous to do evil, for those who do evil will be cut off, but those who trust in the Lord will inherit the earth.” David said this from his own experience. And it is impossible to achieve more success than his.

But before striving for the heights, we need to come to terms with what we have.

Yes, as a result of depression, you may not have strength. But you have the power you need. God has them. And He will be glad to give them to you. He wants it.

Just stop slandering Him, complaining and grumbling. Ask Him for forgiveness for all your grumbling and trust Him and come under the protection of the Father to heal your wounds.

In Christ's bosom - good.