Valuable advice from dale carnegie. Dale carnegie's tips

Drop duality. Surrender to the inner joy that comes from surrender.

Dale Carnegie understood this world very correctly. We cannot be happy as long as we divide everything that happens into good or bad, into ours and yours, into cold and warm. You need to move away from dualities, and perceive everything as it is. So that it does not happen in your life - take this for granted, as an experience, as a lesson, as an opportunity to change something, to act differently.

Expectations Is another problem that certainly won't make a person happy. Therefore, if you do something, then do not expect gratitude or ingratitude. You are not acting in a certain way for the sake of being praised and told what a fine fellow you are. Indulge in inner joy and enjoy everything that happens, regardless of the assessment of others.

2. You never need to settle scores with your enemies, because in the end it will bring more harm to you than to them.

Although there is such a thing as "blood feud", and there are people who live according to the principle "eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth", but is this correct? Believe me, revenge will not make you happy, and will not bring joy and peace into your life. Learn to forgive people, learn to understand them and accept all their actions. It is much easier when you say inside yourself: “ Whatever you do, I forgive you. Go in peace».

Of course, for someone it may seem ridiculous, they say, if they have offended me or my family, then you need to offend in return, take revenge, do what they do to you. Remember that evil breeds more evil, and your desire for revenge will bring many problems and frustrations into your life. We do many actions on emotions, and only after, when we assess the situation soberly, we understand how many stupid things we have done. Don't be silly, learn to forgive and be tolerant.

3. Act like General Eisenhower: never think for a moment about people you dislike.

There are so many wonderful things in life, so many pleasant and positive things, we just often do not notice these banal things. Don't get hung up on problems and the people who create these problems. Do not think about those who are unpleasant to you, about those who bring sorrow and disappointment into your life. After all, the law of attraction says: "What you concentrate your attention on comes into your life with a special speed." If you constantly think about problems, there will be even more of them. Therefore, bring joy, positive thinking, faith in a bright future into your life. Believe me, life is not so long as to spend it thinking about unpleasant things and people.

4. Do not criticize, do not judge, do not complain.

Perhaps the shortest quote from Dale Carnegie, but the deepest in meaning. Many people understand that there is no need to criticize, condemn and favor, but not many people think about why. Let's figure it out. What are critics - this is the realization that you are higher and better than a person. Who told you that? Your own ego? Well, you don't need to put yourself above others, because you don't know all of their life situations, and you can't criticize a person for what he is at the moment. The only one you have the right to criticize is yourself. Condemnation also emerges from criticism. Who are we to judge other people. We often see grains of sand in the eyes of others, while not noticing the logs in ours. We love to savor and condemn the problems of our neighbor, but at the same time we are unable to notice and understand our own troubles.

Complaints - another negative aspect of our life that you must exclude. From the fact that you will complain and make a victim out of yourself, nothing will change. As mentioned above, what you concentrate your thoughts on comes into your life. If you constantly think about problems, complain about a bad life, then it will be even worse.

5. Remember, the person you are talking to may be completely wrong. But he doesn't think so. No need to judge him.

Each of us has our own point of view, our thoughts and vision of certain situations. Let your thoughts not always coincide with the views of your interlocutors. But this is natural. We are all individuals, we all have the right to freedom of thought. Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation where your friend talks about something that you disagree with, then it is better to just accept him, accept his point of view... We are not saying that you have to change yourself and your vision, you just have to learn to accept other people as they are. The desire to argue and change them will lead to the emergence of conflict. You need it?

6. Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, not you. The whole world will be with those who can do this.

Do not look at the world only from the position of "I" and "I need". We are told from the pages of fashion magazines, from TV screens that selfishness is normal, that you need to live for yourself and not notice anyone else, and this is the only way you can achieve success. But few people compare the concept of success and happiness. Will you be happy if you do not have true friends, good acquaintances, if you are appreciated only for a bank account. Steve Jobs once said: “ Money is not the most important thing. I don't want to be the richest dead man in the cemetery».

Learn to understand other people, see their needs and desires. You should never put yourself higher, believe that because you have more money, you have the right to control the lives of other people. Learn to live in harmony with this world and with all people.

7. If a person tries to use you for their own purposes, cross him out of the number of your acquaintances.

Don't be manipulated... Yes, you can understand a person, understand his motives, you can even accept such behavior, but this does not mean that you should allow him to use you for mercenary purposes. If you see that people are falsely smiling at you and "pouring pink syrups" just for the sake of profit, then try to say goodbye to such a person. Believe me, it is better to do this right away, and separate your paths in life, than to find yourself in a very difficult and unpleasant situation in the future.

8. If fate presents you with a lemon, make lemonade out of it.

A very good quote Dale Carnegie, which says that you can find a way out of any situation. Anything that you consider to be problems and failures, in fact, are not. What makes this or that situation problematic? That's right, our attitude towards her. Some, when faced with problems, become discouraged, begin to worry and fear that they will not be able to find the right way out. Others, having received a similar situation in their lives, think completely differently. They understand that a problem is not a problem at all, but an opportunity to analyze their actions, understand what was done wrong, realize certain points and do it all over again, only taking into account the experience and knowledge gained.

Someone who receives a lemon can grimace and say "Fu, what disgusting", and someone will make lemonade and enjoy it on a hot summer day.

9. Be busy. It is the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective.

I don't even know what to add here. In fact, this phrase says it all. Always find something to do for yourself: work, write, study, draw, sing, learn, and engage with nature outside the window. When you are busy, then no problems are significant, when you are busy, then all difficulties disappear. The main thing is that this activity is enjoyable, that you really enjoy what you are doing.

10. Act as if you are already happy and you will really become happier.

Above, we have repeatedly focused on what thoughts dominate in your life, it becomes so. If you want to be loved, then feel and give love. If you want to be rich, exude abundance, and do not for a moment doubt that you are worthy of big money. You want to be happy, so why wait, feel happiness, joy and harmony within yourself now.

It all starts with a thought in inner awareness. And only when you start thinking correctly, the whole world will adjust to your desires.

How to Make Friends and Influence People, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public - these and other books have made Dale Carnegie one of the most popular psychologists in the world. Since then 80 years have passed, but Carnegie's advice has not become less relevant.

So how do you become the most enjoyable person to talk to and get what you want from people?

Rule # 1 - Give up criticism

"Criticism is a surefire way to make enemies," writes Dale Carnegie. Do you want to be alone? Criticize. You are not a champion of justice, but a victim of an inability to behave.

“Criticism is useless, because it puts a person in the position of the defender and encourages him to seek justification for himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it hurts a person's precious sense of self-justification, strikes a blow to his idea of \u200b\u200bhis own importance and arouses in him a feeling of resentment and indignation. "

How to refrain from criticism? Just pause and take a deep breath, hold your breath, exhale slowly, count to 10, and only then continue the conversation. You will be surprised that you can easily do without another taunt.

Rule # 2 - Sincerely Admire People

You will very quickly gain the favor of someone you truly admire. Precisely sincerely - people often misunderstand this advice, flatter and sneak. According to Carnegie, this rule is the most important.

"Everyone is worthy of admiration, including you," wrote Carnegie.

Rule # 3 - show interest in people

Show genuine interest and you will receive the same in return. Carnegie told the story of the magician Howard Thurston. He was successful in his craft because he did not mistake the spectators for "village ignoramuses", but was grateful to them for coming to see him. Before each appearance on stage, he says to himself: "I love my audience."

Rule # 4 - Give People What They Want

If you want to get something, do not ask, but with an offer of help. It works. Anyone who can take the place of another person and follow this rule will achieve everything.

Rule # 5 - Smile

Always smile before starting a conversation. So you will get a tremendous advantage - you will endear the person to yourself, help him to relieve tension, become more open in communication.

People love those who smile, who feel happy. What does it take to be happy? Dale Carnegie is convinced - absolutely nothing. “Our life is what our thoughts make it,” Carnegie wrote.

Rule # 6 - learn to put yourself in the shoes of others

“Three-quarters of the people you will meet tomorrow are hungry for sympathy. Manifest it and they will love you. "

Dale Carnegie believed that there is only one way to influence a person. Put yourself in his shoes, understand why he thinks so - and only then look for common ground.

Rule # 7 - admit your mistakes

"When we feel that they are going to arrange a good headwash for us, isn't it better to get ahead of the accuser and do it ourselves?"

Carnegie told his students about the soap salesman. His product was good, the price was on par, but the sales were poor. Then he began to go to the failed clients and ask them what he was wrong about. He learned a lot of useful things for himself, made friends with people - and in the end, of course, became the president of a large soap company.

Rule # 8 - appeal to nobility and be noble yourself

See the good in a person - and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. Try - at least for fun - to convince the person that he is good and noble.

Rule number 9 - give up the commanding tone

Carnegie suggests the following algorithm: Think over the action you want to assign to a colleague, acquaintance or family member. Is he / she ready to do it? Do you have strength, experience, knowledge?

Put the task in the form of a question. Not "do it", but "How can we do it?", "Would you like to participate with me in solving this problem?"

In the process of work, give maximum independence - both in business and in assessment. You can advise, but not order and control. Do not "work properly", but "how do you assess the results of your work?"

Encourage participants - financially (not necessarily money) or simple gratitude.

Rule # 10 - learn to praise and approve of other people

Carnegie has formulated several rules for how best to praise people. Compliments should be: benevolent - without irony or subtext, with a sense of proportion and varied, specific and sincere.

Today we want to recall one of the most popular educational psychologists of the 20th century - Dale Carnegie. After more than 80 years, his books are still relevant today and help many people. We are sure that almost everyone has heard their names at least once: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, “How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public”.

Dale Carnegie is known today as a successful educator, lecturer, writer and motivator speaker. He was one of the first to apply the scientific developments of psychologists in practice in order to teach people conflict-free communication and self-improvement. To this day, the Institute of Oratory and Human Relations, founded by him, has been successfully operating, and his books are very successful.

In today's article, we want to recall the most powerful advice from Dale Carnegie. We hope that you too will find these tips useful and will open the way for you to a richer and more fulfilling life.

  • Keep busy. It is the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective
  • Everyone is worthy of admiration, including you
  • In this world, there is only one way to earn love - to stop demanding it and start giving love, not hoping for gratitude.
  • Act like you're already happy and you really will be happier
  • The expression you wear on your face is more important than the clothes you wear
  • For a wise man, a new life begins every day
  • If you want to remake people, start with yourself. It's both healthier and safer
  • If you want to be fun, be fun
  • If you want to get something - do not ask, but with an offer of help
  • If fate brings you a lemon, make lemonade out of it
  • When a person starts a war with himself, he is already worth something
  • The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes most
  • Criticism is a surefire way to make enemies
  • Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. But understanding and forgiveness requires strong character and self-control.
  • People are not interested in me or you. In the morning, at noon and in the afternoon, they are busy only with themselves
  • Our life is what our thoughts make it
  • Do not be afraid of the enemies who attack you, be afraid of the friends who flatter you
  • No tomorrow. Day of salvation of man - today
  • Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound for him in any language.
  • Imagine the worst consequences that your action can entail, reconcile with them in advance and act!
  • A strong desire to learn something is already 50% of success
  • Fear doesn't exist anywhere else but in your mind
  • The secret of our unhappiness is that we have too much leisure to reflect on whether we are happy or not.
  • Three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow crave sympathy. Manifest it and they will love you
  • See the good in a person - and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. Try - at least for fun - to convince the person that he is good and noble
  • A smile is worthless, but dearly appreciated ...
  • Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, not you. Whoever knows how to do this will have the whole world

Would you like to win over people? Anyone. Find friends in any situation?

Being able to communicate with people is an important quality for an entrepreneur. For a few tips on how to do it right, see Dale Carnegie. He said:

“All the ideas that I admire are not mine. I took them from Socrates. I overheard at Chesterfield. And spied on Jesus. I wrote them all down in a book. If you don't like these rules, which ones would you use. "

Who was Dale Carnegie? He was a wealthy, successful man. He wrote a small book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has sold over 30 million copies. It is published and sold today and is probably one of the best books on how to communicate with people.

These few tips are from there. Proven by time and experience.

1. Create your own emotions

"If you want to be fun, be fun."

Emotions work in the opposite direction. You can use this to your advantage. If you get stuck on a negative emotion, just shake it off. Change body position, facial expression, act as if you are already having fun. Joy and other positive emotions are more useful for communication, pleasant for the interlocutor.

2. Logic is overrated

"When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion."

This is the key to communication. Logic is a good thing. But when it comes to communication, people are emotional. We send and receive emotions from others. This is why body language, voice, and tonality convey up to 93% of our information.

Body language, voice, tonality - things that show how we feel, what we think. And that's why you need to be able to change your emotions. It greatly affects how you speak, how you use your body. And it will affect your relationship and communication results.

3. 3 things to avoid

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. But understanding and forgiveness requires strong character and self-control. ”

It is difficult to avoid criticism, judgment and complaint. Some people take some pleasure in criticizing and complaining. These things help a person feel more important when they criticize someone. Or better than he is, if he acts as a victim.

But ultimately these qualities are negative and they greatly limit your life. They affect your mood, motivation, actions. You can fall into the complainant trap: a spiral where you complain, complain again, listen to complaints, find flaws in your daily life. You will receive and give negative emotions. People always want to feel good about themselves. Therefore, this behavior poses barriers to finding new useful contacts.

4. What is most important?

"The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes most."

Classic advice. Talk less about yourself. Your life and thoughts. Listen more. But if they are not interested in your affairs, it is better to leave.

5. Focus not on yourself, but on the world around you

"You can make more friends in two months, showing interest in other people, than in two years, trying to get people interested in you."

Many people use the second, less efficient method. It is more attractive because everyone is talking about me, about me. The first way is more efficient. People will love you. Be interested in them and they will become interested in you.

But there is one tricky thing. Your real thoughts are communicated through your body language and your sound. Therefore, a person will immediately notice an insincere interest. Communication will suffer from this.

6. Take control of your emotions

"A person who seeks the approval of others trusts his happiness to strangers."

If you seek approval in the eyes of other people, expect their praise, you trust them with most of your emotions. And your well-being turns into a roller coaster. One day you feel elated. The next day you can't move.

Take control of it. Now you are driving, you are in control of what you feel. Of course, you are pleased to receive compliments, but you do not depend on them.

It will make you more emotionally stable, allows you to pump your "emotional muscles"... Now you can help yourself become more optimistic and emotionally uplifted for longer. This stability and growth is good for relationships.

7. Nobody pulls you back

"Instead of worrying about what people say about you, why not do something that they will admire?"

By caring too much about what people think of you, you feed the monsters in your head. Do you think people will judge you for what you do? Perhaps they will. But the truth is that most of the time, they think about themselves. They just don't care about most of what you do.

This can be frustrating. Or inspire. After all, now you have no obstacle of public opinion that prevents you from acting!

8. What does this mean to me?

“There is only one way ... to get someone to do something. It makes the other person want to do it. "

If you want something from the other person, will they care about your motivation? Maybe. But more often they won't care about yours.

People want to know what they will get out of it. Thus, to get what you need, show the person their benefits.

9. It's about more than words

“There are 4 ways to contact the world. And we are evaluated and classified according to these modes of contact: what we do, how we look, what we say and how we speak. "

Often people point to the third point: what are we talking about. But remember that most people form a stereotype upon first meeting. Maybe they don't want to, but it happens subconsciously. And perhaps your brain also makes up an opinion about people. So think about how you look from the outside. Think about how to make a first impression. Think about body language. And your speech. Think about how you feel, because it affects what you say.


10. Smile

The easiest way to make a good impression is with a genuine smile. As Dale Carnegie himself described: “… the smile“ says ”: I like you! I am very glad to see you! " A gloomy and disgruntled person will never make a positive impression on others.

11. Call people by name

For each person, the sound of his name is one of the most beloved and pleasant ones. If you try to remember and refer to people by name, they will "thank" you with their good to you.

12. Talk to people about their interests.

Roosevelt's success largely depended on the knowledge that the way to the heart of any person is to talk about what interests him. Therefore, he was distinguished by a wide range of knowledge. Before the arrival of a person, Roosevelt studied (was interested in) the question that interests the interlocutor.

13. Make people feel important

By giving pleasant compliments to the tired lady who serves you at the bank, you will not only draw attention to yourself and win her over, but also make a person's gray working day a little more pleasant. But an insincere compliment is not. You need to say what you feel. As Dale Carnegie wrote: "... if you do good only for your own benefit, then we will face the bankruptcy that you deserve!"

Conclusion

Dale Carnegie is a good psychologist whose advice greatly affects the lives of hundreds of people. Using these simple rules can help you develop strong, long-term contacts. Communication is the most important skill for a good entrepreneur to develop every day.

Was it helpful? Put "I like it." I will prepare more helpful tips to help you make useful contacts.

Dale Carnegie is a true connoisseur of human souls. This article is a selection of his best quotes on human relationships.

1. Are you looking for happiness? It is so simple! Don't think about gratitude and ingratitude. Indulge in inner joy! How can you achieve inner joy? Give yourself up to the end.

2. Enemies ... Do not try to settle scores with them - it will do you much more harm than them.

3. So what do you do with them? Follow the example of General Eisenhower! The hero of World War II acted simply: he did not think for a minute about those people who were unpleasant to him.

4. Forbid yourself: criticize, condemn, complain.

5. Yes, your interlocutor may be wrong. Completely and absolutely. The problem is that he doesn't think so. What to do? Just don't judge him.

6. Learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. So you can understand what he needs. You give it to him and he will be yours forever.

7. Is the person trying to use you? From this moment on, it does not exist for you. Cross him out of your social circle once and for all!

8. Carnegie said, "If fate brings you a lemon, make lemonade out of it."

9. Do something. Keep busy! Work is the cheapest and perhaps the most effective medicine that a person has invented.

10. Behave as if you are happy! The most interesting thing is that after that you will really become a happy person!

 

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