Indecisive and insecure. Diffidence. Business awareness

Internal indecision and uncertainty are inherent in both women and men.

And although it is common for the beautiful half of humanity to be weak and in need of protection, it is not at all natural, due to obsessive tightness and constraint, to limit their own lives in many ways.

Not knowing how to overcome self-doubt, fear and shyness, most people with complexes continue to infringe on their needs out of fear of doing something wrong. The reasons for uncertainty are quite broad and for each individual, but the most common (which can give rise to other consequences) is the regular devaluation of any actions of a child or adolescent.

Under rudeness, rudeness, swagger and impudence, the stronger sex often tries to hide shyness and self-doubt, timidity. Fear of responsibilities at work, reproaches at home and inability to fight back or the indifference of friends ...

All this is generated by self-doubt, which is the flip side of low self-esteem. What reasons can give an impetus to a person's self-doubt and his fear of communication?

Sources of uncertainty:

Inflated demands and expectations of others that did not come true.
Parents' conviction in the worthlessness and mediocrity of their child.
The perception of any failure as a massive tragedy.
Dependence on the opinion of society.

Signs of unsteadiness of character:

Inability to answer with a categorical “no”.
Suspiciousness.
Serving and assenting to other people.
General stiffness and depression in communication.
Fear of offending someone.
Failure to make decisions.

Fighting with yourself

Modesty is not at all an obstacle to a full-fledged lifestyle, but uncertainty is fraught with the fact that the person is not paid attention to. Inside a person there is a constant struggle and knocks him out of a rut.

He feels dependent on society and various situations, unable to become independent and self-sufficient in everything, while experiencing terrible psychological discomfort. Psychology considers the question of how to overcome self-doubt from several points of view, based on what influenced the individual - upbringing or his behavior.

It is quite difficult to change some character traits and your perception, since the habits that began to have a bad effect on our existence were consolidated over the years, and a person considered it normal. Until I realized the real problem, faced with indecision and fears already in adulthood.

If you start thinking about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt, you may be surprised to note that this is a completely solvable difficulty. But in no case should you continue to feed this problem, driving yourself into depression and starting to get nervous, and then relieve tension with the help of pills or alcohol.

What to do if self-doubt does not allow to live in peace?

Ways to get rid of self-doubt:

Doing little things for loved ones, talk about your ideas and thoughts without fear of being misunderstood.
Workout and leave the comfort zone in the form of a cozy chair and a soft blanket.
Break your plans and goals into phased actions... So dreams become not so unattainable and scary.
Tune in to positive emotions and don't take failure too personally. You need to understand that any bad luck is a valuable lesson that will give wisdom and help you to more easily achieve the intended task. It is necessary to instill in yourself a positive attitude and self-confidence every day.
Stop reviewing your actions and words with the eyes of other people... Someone else's opinion is good. You can listen to him, but you always have to decide yourself. You should not be allowed to be pressured and manipulated. Defending your own point of view and not depending on others is the main rule of a confident and successful person.

Make new friends, get into an environment that will be home, comfortable and pleasant for you, get rid of communication with unsympathetic people. After all, the sphere of social interaction strongly influences the worldview and thoughts.
Self esteem - the best ally in the fight against insecurity and shyness. Love yourself.
Learning something new for yourself all the time, do not be afraid of the unknown and unknown. New facets will allow you to look at the world wider and not be afraid of change.
Simpler refers to significant things... Devaluation of important aspects will bring relaxation, and you will cease to intimidate your subconscious with the eternal "what will happen if ...".
See a person in a similar situationthat seems to you intimidating and unreal, which in practice proves his experience and confidence in this matter. Then the fear will dissolve.
Business awareness (whether it be a new job or an exam) contributes to the fact that there is nothing to fuel fear. Judge for yourself - why be afraid if you can and know everything?

Challenges to help you become more confident

In order to understand how to overcome fear and self-doubt, you can set yourself constant tasks and perform them in different ways, noting for yourself how easier and easier it is to act in this or that case. For instance:

Go to any store and ask the seller to carefully advise you on a particular product, and then thank him and leave without buying anything.
Approach a passer-by and ask for some information.
Come to a cafe and make an acquaintance with the guy / girl you like by inviting you to the cinema or offering a cup of coffee.

To get rid of insecurity and take on the additional opportunity to become stronger, you need to reveal fears, reminding yourself that this is just a temptation that makes us defenseless and susceptible to negativity.

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Allow your psyche to rest, stop winding yourself up with what may not even happen. Start moving forward and repeat to yourself "I can do it!"

Of course, the tips described below can help not only women, but also men, but for women they play a more important role, because women often belittle the importance of self-confidence and subsequently regret it. When you are confident, people will start reaching out to you. This is not just an observation - it is the truth. You may not have the most ideal appearance, but if you are strong inside, then everything around you is transformed for the better.

Simple motivational speech will not solve this problem. It is important to practice, to work on yourself on your own. You can't get rid of insecurity simply because someone tells you you don't need it. This can only drive you more into a corner.

Method one: change the state of the body, go in for sports

If a thought crept into your head that needs to be driven out, psychologists advise you to resort to certain techniques tied to the body. First, you need to arch your back. This is very useful in cases where your insecurity is visible to everyone around you. Most of the time, when you experience these kinds of problems, you bend over, look down. Force yourself not to do this.

The second step is to change the position of your body in relation to where you are. Change your environment from the office, home, or university. Take a walk, get some air.

The third step is directly physical activity. If you are free of obligations and you have the opportunity to play sports, take advantage of it. Strong physical activity or, say, running will help to abstract from dark thoughts.

This is why many people become addicted to sports. It frees your body of unnecessary emotions. For women, a gym, jogging in the morning or evening, yoga is perfect. Engage your body to keep your negative thoughts about yourself from ruining your life. You will immediately see that men have begun to pay attention to you much more often. It's better than telling yourself motivational phrases. Go to the bathroom - wash yourself with cold water, let your body feel the tension.

Method two: try to take criticism correctly

In tons of comments on social networks or in a huge number of comments that you hear from loved ones, friends and colleagues, you can and even should look for meaning. Of course, we are not talking about all the comments at once. In this regard, it is important to learn how to select the most frequently repeated ones. They may say to you: "Change your style, you walk like a ragged girl." You take it wrong because you lower your self-esteem by telling yourself, "I have no style." You make yourself think that you are ugly, absolutely awkward, stupid, and so on. Try to think: maybe you really need to find someone who could help transform and realize your mistakes in choosing clothes. It is possible that these tips are given to you by an envious person or an energy vampire, who only needs to see your negative emotions. Pay attention to criticism of those closest to you.

When you make a decision about a problem that causes you to have low self-esteem, your brain switches automatically. This is a very useful tip that helps millions of people every day to avoid bad moods. If you listen to some really honest and important advice, then your confidence will increase, and after it your popularity among men will increase.

Method three: get rid of the source of negativity that breeds your insecurity

This is quite obvious, but often overlooked advice. If something constantly bothers you, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible. If you feel that your self-confidence is dropping because you are working as a secretary in a modeling agency, then change your job. If the cause of your insecurity is envy, then you will have a lot of problems, because you will have to get rid of everything that makes you show negativity.

For example, you might receive consistently negative feedback from news on a social network or from a friend. You can easily get away from this - do not give yourself the opportunity to communicate with a person or go to some pages on the Internet. Most of the time, you drive yourself into a corner, as if doing it to spite yourself. Learn to distance yourself from what annoys you and makes you feel inferior.

Many women have problems with self-esteem, because too often they hang out on social networks, where they admire the beautiful bodies of other women, which develops complexes. It is very dangerous, but the girls keep looking at beautiful retouched photos, telling themselves that life is not fair.

Method four: cleansing with the help of the subconscious

This is a very strange, at first glance, method that many psychologists suggest. To overcome self-doubt, you need to write down all your experiences on paper, and then burn or throw these notes away. For instance:

i am afraid that everyone sees in me only faults;
nobody loves me;
i `m ugly;
i don't know how to live on;
i hate my boss, colleagues, myself.

This method will help everyone - men too. Write down what annoys or worries you, and then get rid of this paper - tear it into small pieces. This way you can connect your subconscious with your consciousness, which wants to be cleansed. Do this all the time, and you will feel better.

Try to make criticism of other people make you hate not them, but your flaws. Be angry with yourself for listening to those you don't care about, rather than feeling sorry for yourself. This will help you to correctly perceive everything that is said to you. For example, someone on the Internet wrote to you that you are fat or ugly. Don't let people you don't know rule you.

In most cases, the people who make comments to you that cause your self-esteem to drop do not even know you. It's time to ask yourself a thrashing about why you allow yourself to get upset over little things. Nothing should affect your self-esteem - only your own conclusions and advice from loved ones.

There is nothing wrong with having some small complexes. Do not show them to anyone and do not let your thoughts guide you. One of the best tips is to constantly remind yourself that no one is perfect. Yes, in a movie or in a picture you can do whatever you want, but in life you have every chance of being unique. If you can follow all five tips, it will be much easier to seduce any man. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

Diffidence - this is the presence of doubts in their skills, choices, strengths and the fulfillment of their plans, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even refusal to perform active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea of \u200b\u200bdefectiveness of some aspect of life.

A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed, based on the response of others. And if in the emotional-activity contact with the world there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and for which punishment or rejection, then in the future there are no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority of the external assessment of one's own being (words of people, priorities proclaimed in culture) that has remained from childhood that leads to an increase in uncertainty.

The problem of self-doubt is due to the impossibility of the same response by different people to one event, which means that the idea of \u200b\u200bthe constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and only entails an increase in anxious uncertainty and exhaustion.

What is self-doubt?

Uncertainty refers to the result, which is an important mental property necessary to correlate one's capabilities with the tasks of situations that have arisen on the path or goals assigned by the person himself. This is a kind of measuring device of our life, which makes it possible to control and expediently build the course of its events. Adequate self-esteem contributes to the construction of harmonious relations with people and the world, and predetermines a calm and sober look, where there is an understanding that the course of life is conditioned by its own laws and there is no task in them to subdue or elevate any of the people. Inadequate, at the behavioral level, is expressed by uncertainty, fear of moving forward in life achievements or expressing an alternative opinion, stopping in implementation, etc.

The problem of uncertainty causes difficulties in communication, problems in the realization of one's own desires and plans, affects the emotional background of its decrease, the emergence of constant feelings, anxiety, despair. A confident person is characterized by bright and emotional speech, the desire to openly and honestly voice their thoughts and present feelings, the presence of moderate gestures, correlated with the story. In a conversation, a confident person can oppose his opinion to others, is not afraid to seem strange or not accepted, accepts compliments without the desire to belittle his merits.

Uncertainty is usually manifested in some specific areas or situations, conditioned by the individual specific situation of the formation of this feeling, although there are situations when uncertainty becomes a defining characterological trait and penetrates into all areas.

The self-feeling of an insecure person is quite deplorable, moreover, a feeling of insecurity begins to affect the activity in the external world, often interfering or even stopping it. Asking the question of how to overcome self-doubt, people come to the psychologist's office or even to the shaman's ritual, looking for any means of deliverance.

Causes of self-doubt

The environment in childhood is responsible for the emergence of a favorable soil for the progression of self-doubt - the patterns of behavior that a person sees at an early age are imprinted in the psyche and remain there as reference, as well as the reaction of significant adults and the environment to the child's behavior form the type of reaction and behavior. For example, if any active actions lead only to a negative reaction from the outside world, then the child loses the manifestation of any active activity. But one should not exclude the fact that the absence of a negative response is not always a defense against the development of uncertainty. In the absence of any emotional reaction to what is happening, the so-called "emotional vacuum" (when there is no positive or negative reaction), self-doubt also develops.

Through his own actions and the subsequent response of reality to them, a person learns to build not only models of behavior, but also a picture of the world in which he is. Lack of emotional reactions or constant only negative or formally positive reactions lead to confusion in determining the surrounding reality, causing anxiety and self-doubt.

Lack of self-confidence causes many problems on the path of life, more and more people want to get rid of it, read special articles, sign up for trainings, but do not look at the root of the problem. Knowing the reasons for self-doubt, you can prevent its occurrence or aggravation, as well as draw up the most effective plan for overcoming.

The first and deepest reason is ignorance of oneself and the structure of the peculiarities of one's inner world. When a person lives, guided by external prompts, then his self-perception is made up of a set of social roles, they are unique for everyone and add up to an individual drawing, but they are not the essence or reflection of the inner nature. After all, if you are a bad husband and son, but a good father and employee, this does not characterize you at all, it is an indicator of how you are coping with a certain role.

If the assessment of oneself is based on the assessment of the roles played, then the inner observer becomes confused and self-doubt arises. You should spend a tremendous amount of time and effort to determine your inner essence, thereby pulling yourself out of identification with the functions you perform. As soon as such a disidentification occurs, the uncertainty disappears, you know exactly who you are, what you can, what you want, regardless of the situation, people and their opinions.

The problem of self-doubt is correlated with having. A person who has no idea why he lives and what he strives for, or constantly changes his life priorities to please the wishes of society, loses any motivation. When there is no motivation, everything is done through the application of effort, forcing oneself. Such people do not have a twinkle in their eyes and that confident persistent striving in all, even everyday matters, which a person has who has chosen the meaning and direction for his life.

Ignorance of one's true values \u200b\u200band priorities is similar to ignorance of the meaning of life and introduces a disorganizing component in a person's life. Confidence dissipates like a fog if a person finds it difficult to explain to himself what is truly important, and tries to build his life on the basis of other priorities that are alien to inner conformity. Such actions cause a feeling of insecurity and.

The feeling of self-doubt increases when you lose contact with your own body. Despite the need for a great mental load, a complete rejection of physical sensations and actions in the direction of mental is erroneous. In addition to the fact that working with the body gives a feeling of joy and a person's involvement in the present moment, i.e. returns him to a living, not a thoughtful state, this is still a deep source of clues. Focusing on their own physical sensations, a person begins to feel the world better, right up to anticipating events. Naturally, the relationship with your own body affects the development of self-confidence.

Ignorance and inability to defend psychological boundaries is both a cause and a consequence of self-doubt, closing the circle. Knowing the boundaries allows you to make positive communication better, and minimize negative. The most common sign of weakening internal boundaries is the inability to refuse, and the other pole of the same reason is the refusal to everyone. This behavior is formed in childhood, when refusal led to punishment, humiliation or defiance. In adulthood, the more a person sags, allowing others to break down his boundaries and enter his personal territory with impunity (justifying this by the fact that the person is dear and beloved), the more the protection function atrophies and, if the need arises, a person may become confused from not knowing how to protect their mental state, doubting their abilities.

Signs of self-doubt

Self-doubt is a trait that does not have age, gender or national characteristics. It is more often laid in childhood, but it can also occur in adulthood, under the influence of life events. A sign that characterizes the presence of self-doubt is the unwillingness to get into the center of attention, it does not matter whether this is a censure from the leader with the whole team or the presentation of an award on stage. For an insecure person, any increased attention to his person causes severe stress, since there is no positive experience of behavior in such situations.

Often there is embarrassment when receiving gratitude (while constantly seeking approval), a desire to belittle one's merits or even make the person have nothing to do with what he is praised for. The same fear is included, because after accepting gratitude, we also accept responsibility for what was done. This is a kind of statement to the world "I am", while an insecure person tends, on the contrary, to disappear or become less noticeable.

Self-doubt also manifests itself on the physical level. Such people have a dull look, an emotionless quiet voice, possibly stuttering. Movement can be jerky (when they don't know how to please) or constrained (when fear, when it manifests itself, begins to increase). The shoulders are usually folded, there is a stoop and hunched over - all these manifestations are caused by the desire to hide, curl up, take up as little space as possible.

In addition to such, more or less, obvious and logical signs of uncertainty, there are more subtle ones. For example, frequent resentments are inherent in people who cannot protect themselves and represent a manipulative way of influencing the situation, while a confident person will act openly. A person's speech can tell a lot about him, so talkativeness, gossip, obscene expressions are only a mask, a defensive reaction behind which a vulnerable essence and an inability to find adequate ways to defend their interests are hidden.

Where there is no calm, open and friendly attitude towards oneself and others, insecurity hides, and in a runaway or attacking form, it depends on the individual.

How to deal with self-doubt?

The first step on the path to overcoming the feeling of self-doubt is to recognize its presence, not to run away from this fear, but to get to know it, see in what situations it arises, from which it increases and from what it decreases. It is impossible to get rid of what is not given a name. And only after identifying the problem, you can build a plan on how to defeat self-doubt.

Start to go beyond the usual actions and rituals, open the door to something new. Do things that are atypical or intimidating to you several times a week. If you are sure that gray suits you - buy a red dress, consider dating on the street unsafe - talk to a random passer-by, and everything in the same spirit. The more you expand the list of such actions, the faster you will discover new interesting things in yourself and the world.

One of the reasons for the development of insecurity is the reason for the loss of contact with the body - return it. Sign up for whatever sport or dance you like. Perhaps it will be yoga or jogging in the morning, or maybe a massage. Listen to your desires and carry out all the actions that will help restore vitality to your body. Side effects include improved posture, shape, well-being and sleep.

Connect to your conscious activities. Play situations leading to your success, visualize, imagine smells, tastes and touches. Your task is to fully experience the upcoming activity in a positive way, using the emotional sphere. What we think about programs our activities, accordingly, the more often you play through a failed scenario, the more likely it is that in a situation that has arisen you will begin to act on it automatically. Play it safe - put into your subconscious mind a favorable scenario that brings success.

Train in relationships. It is better to start with the closest people, as the safest in manifesting and initiating contact. Show your feelings, let it be in the form of a surprise for them - an invitation to the theater, an insignificant presentation. Try to give positive emotions to others, using this as a way to build contact. But at the same time, listen to yourself delicately so that the giving of joy does not grow into a service and stepping on the throat of your own song.

There are many recommendations, the essence is the same - you should gradually move forward, while not experiencing extreme unpleasant emotions. A certain tension, anxiety from the new - yes, fear, discomfort and compulsion - no.

How to deal with fear and self-doubt?

The inability to defend one's interests, despite being completely correct, to express one's feelings in a form understandable to the opponent, to establish contact and get to know each other, to answer no, to lead people along, to propose a new idea - these problems arise at the junction of uncertainty and fear.

As a result of constant communication failures, the negative emotional background increases, and the person either completely stops trying to establish interaction and closes in on himself, or becomes redundant in a defensive position. But until the critical moment of no return has come, many are trying to do something about their social fear. Reading useful articles is the first step, but real actions are required, practiced in everyday life with living people.

It is worth understanding such an axiom that everyone has fears, insecurity and complexes. Success in interaction is not the one who exterminated them in himself (this is impossible), but the one who concentrates on communication. Those. When talking with a person, the focus of your attention should be in the conversation and the topic being discussed, and not on your own fears. Otherwise, a vicious circle arises - you think about your fears, scrolling through various options for a fiasco, while your brain is busy with your own thoughts, the interlocutor suffers from a lack of attention, you miss significant parts of the conversation, which makes communication a failure. If you followed the emotional reactions of a person, built a decent selection of arguments, i.e. were in the conversation itself, then everything would have gone well.

Another common fear is not being accepted or appreciated. It has almost a genetic condition, because being an outcast in ancient times meant inevitable death. From this fear, indecision is born in the manifestation of one's own individuality, the desire not to stick out and merge with the crowd. The paradox lies in the fact that it is the gray and no personalities that are interesting or important. Even about the most ardent enemy is more interesting to learn and this emotionally involves in communication more than a person who is trying to please, does not have his own opinion. Strive to live by your own convictions, without trying to please everyone. There will always be those who will be dissatisfied with you, only in one case you live to please them, betray yourself and deprive yourself of pleasure, in the second you may also not like others, but get high, living by your own interests. And most likely, it is this position in life that will attract friends, supportive people and like-minded people to you.

Overcoming any fear and self-doubt consists in constant training and gradually raising the bar. If you are afraid of heights, then begin to gradually rise higher and higher, start by looking out from the balcony of the second floor, gradually reaching the roof of a high-rise building or the top of a mountain. It is the same with communication - if you are afraid to meet people, then you can start by asking three people a day for the time, then getting to know, and then conducting half-hour dialogues with new acquaintances. It is important to gradually build on the missing scary skill.

If your uncertainty and fear of failure are caused by an objective lack of knowledge (for example, professional), then there is no point in developing a confident voice and rehearsing a persuasive speech - it is worth improving your skills and the availability of knowledge in itself will fill the missing reserve of calmness.

The main rule of victory is friendliness. You can have any flaws, do not meet high criteria, enter a completely unfamiliar company, but if you show friendliness, then you are psychologically right, and the people around you, instead of attacking, ridiculing or pointing out mistakes, will seek to prompt, help or protect.

Past mistakes

They greatly change our attitude towards ourselves, especially if something serious happens, for example, a difficult breakup or being fired from work. But the past cannot be changed. Don't dwell on old mistakes. Learn from them, otherwise you will be wasting time.

Upbringing

If your parents were constantly unhappy with you, and the teachers judged you only by grades, you may have learned from childhood the habit of doubting yourself. But now you are an adult, and this is just your life. You no longer need to strive for parental and teacher approval.

Comparing yourself to others

We compare ourselves to colleagues who do more than we do. With bloggers on social networks who live more interesting than us. As a result, we get disappointed and angry with ourselves. The solution to the problem is quite banal - learn. We are all different, we all understand different things.

Still, sometimes comparing yourself to others is helpful. Spot what qualities you lack and develop them.

An unfamiliar situation

You don't know how to react or what to expect from the situation. Naturally, self-doubt arises. Use this as an opportunity to learn something new. Once you could not walk, but now you can quite cope with it. Remind yourself that it's okay to be wrong. We learn through mistakes.

Success in the past

With it comes the fear that you will never do anything better. Don't worry about repeating this success. Think about how to transcend yourself. Even if you are good at something, there is still room to grow. Develop yours.

How to get rid of insecurity

Think good

If you notice negative thoughts in yourself, focus on something positive. Prepare something in advance that will help you tune in a positive mood. For instance:

List of counterarguments: "I will succeed", "This is an opportunity to learn something new", "I'm just wasting my time, doubts will not change anything."
List of happy memories.
A folder with photos that make you smile.
A list of activities that energize you.
Healthy food for a quick snack.

Change activity

The longer you focus on one emotion, the harder it is to get rid of it. Relax and do something else. You will stop thinking about the unpleasant and look at everything from the other side.

Get help

Support from loved ones, friends or a leader will help in a difficult situation. And their advice will give you a boost of confidence and motivation.

Keep records

Write down what makes you doubt yourself each week. This will help you identify what causes insecurity and how to overcome it. Also write down what you are grateful for. You will begin to value yourself more and focus on what you have.

How to regain confidence in three weeks

First week... Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Gradually, you will notice that you have many reasons to be happy in your life. Go through the list again at the end of the week.
Second week... Write down situations in which you doubt yourself and possible reasons for insecurity. By the end of the week, you'll have identified your highlights. Think about how to deal with them, what to change.
Third week... Write down what you did to overcome your insecurity and how you feel. No matter how small your steps are, it is still a victory. You are already a little closer to your goal.

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