Valuable advice from Dale Carnegie. Dale carnegie tips

Drop the duality. Surrender to the inner joy that comes from self-giving.

Dale Carnegie understood this world very correctly. We cannot be happy as long as we divide everything that happens into bad or good, into ours and yours, into cold and warm. You need to move away from dualities, and perceive everything as it is. Whatever happens in your life - take this for granted, as an experience, as a lesson, as an opportunity to change something, to act differently.

expectations- Another problem that certainly will not make a person happy. Therefore, if you do something, then do not expect gratitude or ingratitude. Well you act in a certain way, not for the sake of being praised and told what a fine fellow you are. Indulge in inner joy and enjoy everything that happens, regardless of the assessment of others.

2. You should never settle scores with enemies, because in the end it will bring more harm to you than to them.

Although there is such a thing as "blood feud", and there are people living on the principle of "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth", but is this right? Believe me, revenge will not make you happy, and will not bring joy and peace into your life. Learn to forgive people, learn to understand them and accept all their actions. It is much easier when you say inside yourself: Whatever you do, I forgive you. go in peace».

Of course, for some it may seem ridiculous, they say, if they offended me or my relatives, then you need to offend in response, take revenge, do the same as they do to you. Remember that evil breeds even more evil, and your desire for revenge will bring many problems and disappointments into your life. We do many actions on emotions, and only after that, when we assess the situation soberly, we understand how stupid we have done. Don't be stupid, learn to forgive and be tolerant.

3. Do like General Eisenhower: never think for a minute about people you don't like.

There are so many wonderful things in life, so much pleasant and positive, we just often do not notice these banal things. Don't dwell on the problems and the people who create those problems. Do not think about those who are unpleasant to you, about those who bring sadness and disappointment into your life. After all, the law of attraction says: "What you focus your attention on, then it comes into your life with a special speed." If you constantly think about problems, then there will be even more of them. Therefore, bring joy, positive thinking, faith in a bright future into your life. Believe me, life is not so long as to spend it thinking about unpleasant things and people.

4. Don't criticize, don't judge, don't complain.

Perhaps the shortest quote by Dale Carnegie, but the deepest in meaning. Many understand that it is not necessary to criticize, condemn and favor, but not many people think why. Let's figure it out. What are critics is the realization that you are above and better than a man. And who told you that? Your own ego? Well, you don’t need to put yourself above others, because you don’t know all their life situations, and you can’t criticize a person for what he is at the moment. The only person you have the right to criticize is yourself. Condemnation also comes from criticism. Who are we to judge other people. We often see grains of sand in the eyes of others, while not noticing the beam in our own. We love to savor and condemn the problems of a neighbor, but at the same time we are not able to notice and understand our own troubles.

Complaints is another negative aspect of our lives that you must eliminate. Complaining and making yourself a victim won't change anything. As mentioned above, what you focus your thoughts on is what comes into your life. If you constantly think about problems, complain about bad life, then it will be even worse.

5. Remember, your interlocutor can be completely wrong. But he doesn't think so. There is no need to condemn him.

Each of us has his own point of view, his own thoughts and vision of certain situations. Let your thoughts not always coincide with the views of the interlocutors. But it's natural. We are all individuals, we all have the right to freedom of opinion. Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation where your friend will talk about something that you do not agree with, then it is better to just accept it, take his point of view. We are not saying that you have to change yourself and your vision, you just have to learn to accept other people as they are. The desire to argue and change them will lead to the emergence of conflict. You need it?

6. Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, and not you. Whoever manages to do this will have the whole world.

Do not look at the world only from the position of "I" and "I need." We are told from the pages of fashion magazines, from TV screens, that selfishness is normal, that you need to live for yourself and not notice anyone else, and this is the only way you can achieve success. But few compare the concept of success and happiness. Will you be happy if you do not have true friends, good acquaintances, if you are valued only for a bank account. Steve Jobs once said: Money is not the most important thing. I don't want to be the richest dead man in the graveyard».

Learn to understand other people, see their needs and desires. You never need to put yourself higher, to assume that because you have more money, you have the right to manage the lives of other people. Learn to live in harmony with this world and with all people.

7. If a person tries to use you for his own purposes, cross him out of your acquaintances.

Don't let yourself be manipulated. Yes, you can understand a person, understand his motives, you can even accept such behavior, but this does not mean that you should allow him to use you for selfish purposes. If you see that they are smiling falsely at you and “pour pink syrups” just for the sake of profit, then try to say goodbye to such a person. Believe me, it’s better to do it right away and separate your life paths than to get into a very difficult and unpleasant situation in the future.

8. If fate gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it.

Very good quote Dale Carnegie which says that you can find a way out of any situation. Everything that you think is problems and failures, in fact, is not. What makes a particular situation problematic? That's right, our attitude towards it. Some, faced with problems, lose heart, begin to worry and fear that they will not be able to find the right way out. Others, having received a similar situation in their lives, think completely differently. They understand that a problem is not a problem at all, but an opportunity to analyze their actions, understand what was done wrong, realize certain points and do it all over again, only taking into account the experience and knowledge gained.

Someone who gets a lemon can grimaced and say “Fu, what a disgusting thing”, and someone will make lemonade and enjoy it on a hot summer day.

9. Be busy. It is the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective.

I don't even know what to add here. In fact, this phrase says it all. Always find something to do for yourself: work, write, study, draw, sing, learn, look at nature outside the window with involvement. When you are busy, no problems are essential; when you are busy, all difficulties disappear. The main thing is that this activity brings pleasure, so that you really enjoy what you are doing.

10. Act like you're already happy and you'll actually be happier.

Above, we have repeatedly focused on the fact that what thoughts dominate in your life, it becomes so. If you want to be loved, feel and give love. If you want to be rich, radiate abundance and never for a moment doubt that you are worthy big money. If you want to be happy, why wait, already now feel happiness, joy and harmony within yourself.

It all starts with a thought in inner awareness. And only when you start to think correctly, the whole world will adjust to your desires.

How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public - these and other books have made Dale Carnegie one of the most popular psychologists in the world. 80 years have passed since then, but Carnegie's advice has not become less relevant.

So, how to become the most pleasant conversationalist and get what you need from people?

Rule number 1 - refuse criticism

“Criticism is a sure way to make enemies,” writes Dale Carnegie. Do you want to be alone? Criticize. You are not a champion of justice, but a victim of misbehavior.

“Criticism is useless, because it puts a person on the defensive and encourages him to look for an excuse for himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it hurts a person's precious sense of self-justification, strikes at his idea of ​​\u200b\u200bown worth and arouses in him feelings of resentment and indignation.

How to refrain from criticism? Just pause and take a deep breath, hold your breath, exhale slowly, count to 10, and only then continue the conversation. You will be surprised that you can do without another barb.

Rule number 2 - sincerely admire people

You will very quickly win the favor of someone you sincerely admire. It is sincere - people often misunderstand this advice, flatter and flatter. According to Carnegie, this rule is the most important.

“Everyone deserves admiration, including you,” wrote Carnegie.

Rule #3 - Show interest in people

Show genuine interest - and get the same in return. Carnegie told the story of magician Howard Thurston. He was successful in his craft because he did not take the audience for "village ignoramuses", but was grateful to them for coming to see him. Before each appearance on stage, he says to himself: "I love my audience."

Rule #4 - Give people what they want.

If you want to get something - do not contact with a request, but with an offer of help. It works. Anyone who can take the place of another person and follow this rule will achieve everything.

Rule number 5 - smile

Always smile before starting a conversation. So you will get a huge advantage - you will win over a person to yourself, help him relieve tension, become more open in communication.

People love those who smile, who feel happy. What does it take to be happy? Dale Carnegie is convinced - absolutely nothing. “Our life is what our thoughts make it,” wrote Carnegie.

Rule number 6 - learn to put yourself in the shoes of others

“Three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow want sympathy. Manifest it and they will love you."

Dale Carnegie believed that there was only one way to influence a person. Put yourself in his place, understand why he thinks so - and only then look for common ground.

Rule #7 - admit your mistakes

“When we feel that we are going to have a good thrashing, isn’t it better to get ahead of the accuser and do it ourselves?”.

Carnegie told his students about a soap salesman. His product was good, the price - at the level, but sales were poor. Then he began to go to failed clients and ask them what he was wrong about. He learned a lot of useful things for himself, made friends with people - and in the end, of course, became the president of a large soap company.

Rule #8 - Appeal to nobility and be noble yourself

See the good in a person and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. Try - if only for fun - to convince a person that he is good and noble.

Rule number 9 - give up the orderly tone

Carnegie offers the following algorithm: think over the action that you want to entrust to a colleague, acquaintance or family member. Is he/she ready to do it? Do you have strength, experience, knowledge?

Put the problem in the form of a question. Not “do this”, but “How can we do this?”, “Would you like to participate with me in solving this problem?”.

In the process of work, give maximum independence - both in business and in assessment. You can advise, but not order and control. Not “do the right job”, but “how do you evaluate the results of your work?”.

Encourage participants - financially (not necessarily money) or simple gratitude.

Rule #10 - Learn to Praise and Approve Other People

Carnegie formulated several rules for the best way to praise people. Compliments should be: benevolent - without irony or subtext, with a sense of proportion and varied, specific and sincere.

Today we want to remember one of the most popular educational psychologists of the 20th century - Dale Carnegie. After more than 80 years, his books are still relevant today and help many people. We are sure that almost everyone has heard their names at least once: "How to Win Friends and Influence People", "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living", "How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public".

Dale Carnegie is known today as a successful educator, lecturer, writer and motivational speaker. He was one of the first to apply the scientific developments of psychologists in practice in order to teach people conflict-free communication and self-improvement. To this day, the Institute of Oratory and Human Relations founded by him is successfully operating, and his books are a great success.

In today's article, we want to recall the most powerful advice from Dale Carnegie. We hope that you too will find these tips useful and that they will open the way for you to a richer and more fulfilling life.

  • Be busy. It's the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective
  • Everyone deserves admiration, including you.
  • In this world, there is only one way to earn love - stop demanding it and start giving love, not hoping for gratitude.
  • Act like you're already happy and you'll actually be happier
  • The expression you wear on your face is more important than the clothes you put on.
  • For wise man every day a new life begins
  • If you want to change people, start with yourself. It's both healthier and safer.
  • If you want to be fun, act fun
  • If you want to get something - do not ask for help, but with an offer of help
  • If fate gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it
  • When a person starts a war with himself, he is already worth something.
  • The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes in the most.
  • Criticizing is a sure way to make enemies
  • Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. But understanding and forgiveness requires strong character and self-control.
  • People are not interested in me or you. In the morning, at noon and in the afternoon they are busy only with themselves.
  • Our life is what our thoughts make it
  • Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you, be afraid of friends who flatter you.
  • No tomorrow. Salvation Day is today
  • Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Imagine the worst consequences that your act can entail, come to terms with them in advance and act!
  • A strong desire to learn something is already 50% success
  • Fear doesn't exist anywhere else but in your mind
  • The secret of our unhappiness is that we have too much leisure to think about whether we are happy or not.
  • Three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow crave sympathy. Manifest it and they will love you
  • See the good in a person and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. Try - at least for fun - to convince a person that he is good and noble
  • A smile costs nothing, but is highly valued ...
  • Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, and not you. With those who manage to do this, there will be the whole world

Would you like to win over people? Any. Find friends in any situation?

Being able to communicate with people is an important quality for an entrepreneur. Some tips on how to do it right can be found in Dale Carnegie. He said:

“All the ideas that I admire are not mine. I took them from Socrates. I overheard at Chesterfield. And I looked at Jesus. I wrote them all down in a book. If you don't like these rules, which ones would you use."

Who was Dale Carnegie? He was rich successful person. He wrote a short book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has sold over 30 million copies. It is still being published and sold today, and this is probably one of the best books about how to communicate with people.

These few tips are from there. Proven by time and experience.

1. Create your own emotions

"If you want to be fun, be fun."

Emotions work in reverse direction. You can use this to your advantage. If you're stuck on a negative emotion, just shake it off. Change your body position, change your facial expression, act as if you are already having fun. Joy and other positive emotions are more useful for communication, pleasant for the interlocutor.

2. Logic is overrated.

"When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with beings of logic, but with beings of emotion."

This is the key to communication. Logic is a good thing. But when it comes to communication, people are emotional. We send and receive emotions from others. That's why body language, voice and tone convey up to 93% of information to us.

Body language, voice, tonality - things that show what we feel, what we think. And that is why you need to be able to change your emotions. It greatly influences how you speak, how you use your body. And this will affect your relationships and the results of communication.

3. 3 things to avoid

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. But understanding and forgiveness requires strong character and self-control.”

It is difficult to avoid criticism, condemnation and complaints. Some people take some pleasure in criticizing and complaining. These things help a person feel more important if they criticize someone. Or better than he is, if he acts as a victim.

But ultimately these qualities are negative and they limit your life very much. They affect your mood, motivation, actions. You can fall into the “complainer” trap: a spiral where you complain, complain again, listen to complaints, find flaws in your Everyday life. You will receive and give negative emotions. People always want to feel good. Therefore, this behavior puts barriers on the way to finding new useful contacts.

4. What is the most important?

"The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes in the most."

Classic advice. Talk less about yourself. Your life and thoughts. Listen more. But if your affairs do not show interest, it is better to leave.

5. Focus not on yourself, but on the world around you

"You can make more friends in two months showing interest in other people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you."

Many people use the second, less effective method. He is more attractive because everyone talks about me, about me. The first way is more efficient. People will love you back. Be interested in them and they will become interested in you.

But there is one tricky thing. Your real thoughts are conveyed through your body language and your sound. Therefore, a person will immediately notice insincere interest. As a result, communication will suffer.

6. Take control of your emotions

"A person who seeks the approval of others trusts his happiness to strangers."

If you are looking for approval in the eyes of other people, waiting for their praise, you trust them with most of your emotions. And your well-being turns into a rollercoaster. One day you feel uplifted. You can't move the next day.

Take control of this. Now you are driving, you are in control of how you feel. Of course, you are pleased to receive compliments, but you do not depend on them.

This will make you more emotionally stable, allows you to pump your "emotional muscles". Now you can help yourself become more optimistic, stay emotional for longer. This stability and growth is good for relationships.

7. Nobody pulls you back

“Instead of worrying about what people will say about you, why not do something that they will admire?”.

By caring too much about what people think of you, you feed the monsters in your head. Do you think people will judge you for what you do? Perhaps they will. But the truth is that most of the time, they think of themselves. They just don't care about most of what you do.

This can be disappointing. Or inspire. After all, now you do not have a barrier of public opinion that prevents you from acting!

8. What does this mean for me?

“There is only one way…to get someone to do something. It's to make the other person want to do it."

If you want something from another person, will he care about your motivation? Maybe. But more often than not, they won't care about you.

People want to know what they get out of it. Thus, to get what you need, show the person his benefit.

9. It's About More Than Words

“There are 4 ways to contact the world. And we are evaluated and classified according to these ways of contact: what we do, how we look, what we say and how we say.

Often people focus on the third point: what we say. But remember that most people form a stereotype on the first meeting. Maybe they don't want to, but it happens subconsciously. And maybe your brain also forms an opinion about people. So think about how you look from the outside. Think about how to make a first impression. Think about body language. And your speech. Think about how you feel because it affects what you say.


10. Smile

The simplest way to produce good impression- sincere smile. As Dale Carnegie himself described: “... the smile“ says ”: I like you! I am very glad to see you!” A gloomy and dissatisfied person will never make a positive impression on others.

11. Call people by name

For each person, the sound of his name is one of the most beloved and pleasant. If you try to remember and address people by their first names, they will “thank” you with their kindness to you.

12. Talk to people about their interests

Roosevelt's success depended largely on knowing that the way to anyone's heart was to talk about what they were interested in. Therefore, he had a wide range of knowledge. Before the arrival of a person, Roosevelt studied (was interested in) the issue that interests the interlocutor.

13. Make people feel they matter

Making pleasant compliments to a tired lady who serves you at the bank, you will not only draw attention to yourself and win her over, but also make a person’s gray working day a little more pleasant. But an insincere compliment is not. You need to say what you feel. As Dale Carnegie wrote: "... if you do good only for your own benefit, then we will face the bankruptcy that you deserve!"

Conclusion

Dale Carnegie - good psychologist, whose advice greatly affects the lives of hundreds of people. Using these simple rules help you build strong long-term relationships. Communication is the most important skill for good entrepreneur worth developing every day.

Was it helpful? Put "I like it". I will prepare more useful tips to help you make useful contacts.

Dale Carnegie is a true connoisseur of human souls. This article is a selection of his best sayings about human relationships.

1. Are you looking for happiness? It is so simple! Do not think of gratitude and ingratitude. Indulge in inner joy! How to achieve inner joy? Give it your all to the end.

2. Enemies... Do not try to settle scores with them - it will bring you much more harm than them.

3. So what do you do with them anyway? Take a cue from General Eisenhower! The hero of World War II acted simply: he did not think for a minute about those people who were unpleasant to him.

4. Forbid yourself: criticize, condemn, complain.

5. Yes, your interlocutor may be wrong. Completely and absolutely. The problem is that he doesn't think so. What to do? Just don't judge him.

6. Learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. So you can understand what he needs. You give it to him and he will be yours forever.

7. Is the person trying to take advantage of you? From now on, he does not exist for you. Cross him out of your social circle once and for all!

8. Carnegie said: "If fate gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it."

9. Get busy with something. Be busy! Work is the cheapest and perhaps the most effective medicine that man has come up with.

10. Act like you are happy! The most interesting thing is that after that you will really become a happy person!

 

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