“Have you always had assistants?” - How did you study and work with a small child

Almost daily in conferences on 7th topics like “Career or children”, “I want to be a housewife!”, “Do I go to work?” Flash. Today we are talking with a woman in whose life parenting, marital happiness, professional growth and successful business have seemed to be connected perfectly. Olga Sorokina (Koneeva) - lawyer, managing partner of O2Consulting, mother of eight children - five sons and three daughters. The eldest daughter - 20, the youngest son - 7 months.

- Olga, it all started with the study of foreign languages?

- Yes. My mother had a dream - she really wanted to learn French. She began to teach him, but could not continue: life was difficult. And she had a fix idea that daughters should be fluent in French. Therefore, I was sent to school with the teaching of a number of subjects in French.

From the age of 14 I worked as a translator, accompanied foreign groups. It was both practice and earnings. And at 16, when we went to France, to Brittany, the locals were completely sure that we were from Paris. But for the last 20 years, I rarely use French, only on vacation.

On the basis of French, I learned Italian very quickly - I really liked it, and it took literally three months. For three weeks I could already speak freely. Of course, I didn’t know grammar very deeply, but I could communicate on any topic.

- So you are unfamiliar with the feeling of a language barrier?

- Recently, we decided to move the family to Europe and began to actively communicate on this topic with friends and relatives. And I realized that so many would like to leave, but their language holds them. "Imagine, you will be as if among strangers," they say. "Why among strangers?" - I do not understand. "Well, you can't just sit down and chat with them." “Why can't I? I can.” - "Well, it's hard anyway, it's not a native language ..."

- And your working language now is English?

- Yes. I learned English when I came to the States. My first husband worked as a translator and somehow talked with the rector of one of the American universities - he offered to learn from them. It turned out that the cost of training is very high, but they can give a grant if you pass exams. And the husband decided to try. We went there, he began to study, and it turned out that there is a special program for the wives of students: they have the right to score fewer points for admission to the university. Three months later, thanks to self-study and attending free courses for illiterate Americans (I did not even know that there are such in America!), I was able to pass the exam and study international law in English at Indiana University for a year.

- Before leaving for the USA, you studied at the Moscow State Law Academy for a year ...

“And she continued to study there upon her return.” Jurisprudence - it was my choice right after school. Many classmates were going to go to foreign language, and the head teacher of foreign languages \u200b\u200bdissuaded me: "Why do you need a language, you already have it. Go get a profession. Profession plus language is what you need." I am very grateful to her for this advice.

Learning was easy. Now I watch how my daughter is studying in Stroganovka, and I understand that it was not so hard for me. And at the time of writing the diploma, I honestly can say that I knew my subject better than the supervisor - I already advised clients. I could read Napoleon’s code and a bunch of other untranslated literature, but my teachers couldn’t. I myself studied the laws of other countries using the Internet. There were no specialists of this level at the beginning of my career — the mid-90s — at all. It turned out to be easy to become popular: people who could bring our and Western businessmen together were worth their weight in gold.

Good difference

- And at this very time you not only studied, consulted, earned, but also gave birth to children.

- When we got married and left for the States, we hoped that the first child would be born there. I knew that there was better medicine. In addition, American citizenship is given by birth ...

- That is, at the age of 18, have you already decided everything in your life yourself?

- My parents very discouraged me from the birth of my first child. My dad, an obstetrician-gynecologist, believed that I was very painful, that I should not give birth. In addition, he believed that I should devote my life to a career, become a famous lawyer or journalist.

- It turns out that education is thanks to you, and children are contrary to parental will?

“I just always liked to study, and at some point there was a strong desire to start a family.” Since childhood, I believed that you need to clearly know what you want and enjoy what you do.

- And the age difference between the children was planned?

- Almost always. My sister and I have an age difference of two years - and a very good relationship. I thought that the optimal difference between the children is two or three years: they have common interests, they can support each other. Weather is too much. There is a break of six years between the oldest and youngest group, as I call them. Then there was a break for two years, the weather (also the desire to “quickly shoot back” - but it turned out to be very difficult). And after three years - the youngest.

“Have you always had assistants?”

- With the first child, we did not attract anyone. But as soon as I started to earn more than a housekeeper, I gradually delegated the whole household. There are professionals, and their hour of time is cheaper than your hour when you do what you love.

- How did you study and work with a small child?

- And then I did not know that you can’t work with a small child. I did not know that with a child who was just from the hospital, you can not go to the store. I didn’t know that I needed to wipe, sterilize, iron something. I didn’t know many things, and I was very calm. It was a little difficult not to get enough sleep when you feed, but this is normal.

- All the children were breastfed? Long?

- I feed the younger one: I express the milk, leave it. I think this is important - especially in the modern world, when there is so little of everything present. One child had to stop feeding at 4 months - this was due to my treatment. And the rest - who fed up to a year, whom - up to 10 months. Now it happened in the family that only I get up at the youngest night - and I even like it.

- Do you delegate childcare?

- My children have nannies who can cook, dress them, accompany them somewhere - that is, they are engaged in life support. Or the child sleeps in a stroller for two hours - it does not matter who carries this stroller, me or the nanny. Still periodically, professional teachers appear who can teach them something: well, say, with a Russian problem or with another subject. Why will I spend my time educating children when there are people who can do it better?

But governesses - those who are called upon to spend time with children, to communicate with them, to educate - this, I think, is just not necessary. Parents should bring their concept of the world to the children. It is impossible for governesses to be instructed to go to theaters and museums with children - because this is live communication, you must observe their emotions and experience your own.

- What is important for you in the education of children? What do you expect from school?

“From school, I want them to be able to interest, motivate, and nurture a love of learning in them.” This bribed me to western schools. When I spoke with the principal of the school, to which the younger ones will go this fall, she said: if the child wants, then even the most incapable can be taught. And the most capable, if he does not want to, is very difficult to teach. Therefore, they spend all their strength on instilling in their children a love of learning.

In Russia, this was very difficult, because in schools with a good academic level there is often such an atmosphere that I don’t want to go there at all. Nobody likes it when they shout at you ...

And in private schools - there is something else. The main thing for them is that their parents are satisfied. Children always went there with pleasure, but they went there not to study. In theory, the children in this full-day school were supposed to go in for sports, music, some additional languages \u200b\u200b- and as a result did not do almost anything. They were always offered a choice: do you want to work out in Chinese or watch cartoons?

Only after a lot of time did I get the feeling that they were not working there. I remembered that I myself worked much harder at this age, tensed up at school. Therefore, she took two older girls and two older boys to the gymnasium and asked to test in the main subjects - the results were simply shocking! I realized that everything that this private school offered would work - but with my active participation.

After that, we transferred them to home schooling. From the point of view of obtaining knowledge, this really turned out to be more effective, but a psychological problem arose. It turned out that it is difficult for children to work when they have no competition. He is worse, better than others - the child does not understand. Although they communicate a lot with each other, such skills as the ability to build relationships, the ability to be friends, the ability to protect oneself are not sufficiently developed. And the children felt this: there are no friends, there are no collective holidays, school competitions. They all came together and said: we want to go to school, we will try very hard. And we found them a good state gymnasium.

- What are their plans for the future - or do you have in connection with them?

- The eldest daughter is studying at the Russian State Humanitarian University at the Faculty of Cultural Tourism, she is a future art critic. The next daughter is studying at the Stroganov Academy at the faculty of design. The son, who is now 14, is going to the architectural. In general, I can’t say that I am glad about this, my elders are creative children, they want to get a profession that is not related either to business or to areas in which their parents always worked.

And the younger ones there too. A six-year-old says: "I am made for music and dance." And I look with hope at the four-year-old daughter: maybe at least she will follow in the parents' footsteps?

It is important for me that the children are kind, that they look at life with a positive attitude, at people. It is important to show that the material component is not always determines the spiritual fulfillment of a person, the quality of his education, the life that he will lead.

Interests and compromises

- How to choose a man who wants so many children, pull?

- This is the main thing - to choose a man for yourself and generally choose the people who surround you. A woman often clutches at someone who seems acceptable to her, makes some compromises - in advance or only later.

I really do not like compromise in life and in relationships. Many people say: we need to work on relationships, we need to reconcile - I think this is a waste of time. You need to be in comfort and in harmony with yourself all the time. And you need to find a person with whom you will have common life principles. How to raise children? What should be the relationship between a man and a woman? What family model do you want to pass on to the children? If you have common views, then the potentiality of future conflicts is reduced to zero.

It is important not to compromise at the very beginning of the relationship. There are a lot of people, and we must not abandon the road to "our" person, clinging to the "not our" person. Because, trying to keep such a relationship, we close the road to that happythat maybe awaits us somewhere.

Women ask: where is the guarantee that we will find "our" man? There is no guarantee. But if you cling to it, then you will definitely not find anything.

I believe that my life in this regard has been successful. And in the first marriage, and now. My first husband and I have maintained good partnerships, we communicate about children, and we cross each other during the holidays.

- How do you manage to combine serious business and parenting? Do you know any secret?

- Well, firstly, not everyone needs to combine this. For some, it is quite enough children to implement, for someone - work, for someone these components of life exist in other proportions. If a woman wants to be realized in this way, I can say that it is possible - to prove with my own example and somehow support.

Secondly, a woman must clearly understand what she wants in this life. If there is an answer to the question “what?”, Then there will be a way to “how.” If she has confusion in her head, she cannot articulate her desire, then it is very difficult to fulfill — and this does not depend on the area of \u200b\u200bapplication of forces and knowledge.

- What is important to you? In the first place - family, children, and then what?

- I am interested in the subject that I do. My clients make deals worth billions of dollars, and I work as a consultant for them. We participate in negotiations, prepare all legal documentation, check assets, identify risks, and try to assess them. We help the two sides agree with each other when they suddenly quarrel, and the deal risks not taking place.

On the one hand, this is flattering to me, on the other - it is a very high degree of responsibility and trust, and I cannot but justify this trust. In addition, it is infinitely interesting to communicate with the "icons" of the business, people who have achieved a lot. It is also interesting, probably, how to communicate with famous writers, scientists - the best people in their field. It is very difficult to refuse it - it is a kind of dope.

The second thing that matters to me is income. I want to show a lot of children, teach them a lot, and it costs some money.

Sometimes they say: if a woman could not work, she would not work. I tried on this option for myself: I take care of the children, and we are completely on the content of my husband. But then he works 20 hours a day, does not see the family and almost does not communicate with children. And for me it is important that children "receive" mom and dad in equal parts.

Sometimes I feel some kind of fatigue: I want to spend less time on business, and more time on family. But I can’t completely refuse work, because otherwise I will have to change some desires, needs in relation to myself and children. And I want to show them the maximum of possibilities, the whole assortment - what is in this life. So that later, when they grow up, when they can make responsible decisions, they can make a choice, knowing that there is a choice.

The principles of parenting from a millionaire mom who travels to different countries to make parents think and not make mistakes that parents have made for decades

Denis Johnson grew up in a poor family, at the age of 17 she gave birth to a child, at 21 she became homeless, and at 23 she earned her first million. In March, a successful business woman, a mother of five children and a grandmother for several grandchildren, visited Riga and during the seminar spoke about her principles for raising children.

I travel to different countries to make parents think and not make mistakes that parents in the USA have made for decades. Our children are a new generation that is almost lost. Because they’re used to getting everything they want as a child, and when they become adults, they just sit down for benefits, ”Johnson said.

1. The goal should be already from childhood

Wealthy people clearly understand what goals their children should face. Yes, they educate future Harvard graduates, future top managers, future doctors or presidents. Meanwhile, the average person gives birth and brings up children with the thought: what if you're lucky?

“In the family of my friends who own their publishing house, my son did not want to study and did not know what to do in life. Then his father made a radical decision and sent him to work for a week in a shelter for the homeless, without any means. A week later, the teenager returned with a great desire to study and participate in the family business, ”says Johnson.

2. Without TV and mobile phone

Who is the best friend of a “normal” child? Most likely a TV, computer and mobile phone. The children of Denis Johnson received their first phones at the age of 16, their father’s computer became their first computer, and there is no television in the house at all.

“My children cannot afford a mobile phone because they earn nothing. A mobile phone teaches a person not to organize and not plan his time, and a TV shows the wrong models of life. What does the SpongeBob cartoon teach you? The lazy, licentious, nihilistic peasant rejoices over how he circled the fingers of others. Would you like your sons to grow up such peasants? Would you like such husbands for your daughters? If you don’t watch TV for 30 days, you can get rid of this addiction, ”Johnson believes.

3. Teach your child to love work

The weekend is approaching, and what do the children hear? Thank goodness Friday; You can take a break from THIS work; my boss is a pig; subordinates do not obey, and work in general infuriates. This position from childhood teaches a person that work is bad, hard and unpleasant. Children who are trained in this way will not want to work or start their own business, Denis Johnson believes.

In her family, children from two years old have been doing simple housework, and by the age of 11 their contribution is already quite substantial. “So they pay for room and board in our house. Nothing happens in life for free, ”Johnson believes. She does not use the services of a cook, maid or nanny - the family does all the housework on its own.
At the same time, it is necessary for the child to be able to carry out work that he does not like or makes you strain - because it develops character, willpower. If you do only what you like, it will not bring any additional benefit to a person.

4. You are not an ATM for your child

“I give my child $ 50 a year for shoes and buy four pairs of jeans. You can’t buy any luxury shoes for that kind of money, but if you want to, either go and earn money or wait for the sale! ”Says Johnson, noting that the child must be provided with the most necessary, but he must realize his special fantasies and desires himself.
“The worst thing parents can do is make money to give their children something that they themselves lacked in childhood. When children grow up, they find themselves in a world where they can no longer afford to live the way they are used to, ”said the business person.

5. Spend or save?

With a waste of money, there are only two options: to buy unnecessary things (and provide a good education and travel for the children of those businessmen who sell these things), or to teach children that money can be saved, earned and invested. “How to motivate a child not to spend money where it is not necessary? We have a rule in our house: save 10 dollars, and I will give you 10 more. When the amount is collected, you can only buy things that allow you to grow and develop: a bicycle, musical instrument, travel, ”says Johnson. And do not buy what others buy! As a rule, these are superfluous things that only take up space.

6. Teach the child of generosity

Most successful people are distinguished by emotional and material generosity. They are not envious and very generous. Teach your child respect, Johnson calls. It is no accident that the Bible says that 10% must be sacrificed: children in her family also give 10% of every dollar earned to orphans. 20% remains for recreation and entertainment, and the rest goes to the piggy bank. For the future and implementation of ideas.