The daughter does not want to live with her new wife. Alternative energy and fuel. The daughter was raised by my parents, now the child does not want to live with me The daughter does not want to live with me

Good afternoon.
My daughter, 17 years old, is in a difficult emotional state. She has no real friends, no young man who would like her. She says that she does not want to live on, that there will be nothing good in life. Recently, body weight began to decrease sharply (51 kg, height 175 cm), he cannot eat. Changes of mood are constant, often cries. Thinking about suicide. She suffers greatly from isolation from her peers, no one wants to communicate with her. Considers himself ugly, stupid. There were several attempts to make friends with different girls - the difference in interests did not allow me to communicate for a long time (my daughter does not smoke, does not drink alcohol, is not interested in gossip and discussion of others, does not tolerate profanity, reads books, writes poetry, is an excellent student). On the basis of bullying at school - there was a suicide attempt. The school psychologist did not work with her - now there is no time, then come tomorrow ... My daughter says that she would like to have at least one person to whom she would not be indifferent (parents do not count). We have a complete family, my father and I love her very much. I don’t know how to help her. The situation is getting worse every day. She was often tormented by headaches, a drop in blood pressure, bad dreams, and panic attacks. There is no psychotherapist in our city. I really need help. It's bad for everyone. The next year she has a very difficult, 11th grade, the Unified State Exam, admission to the university. I tried to talk to her on the topic that everything goes away, that there will be a lot of good things in life. She does not want to listen, she says that she does not need anything, no study, no family and children, no first love. There is nothing to live for. How can the situation be changed? How to switch it to something else, positive?

Psychologists' Answers

Natalia, good afternoon.

Seeing your child develop such severe symptoms is very difficult and scary. It is quite understandable that you are trying to switch her, but the whole paradox lies in the fact that for a start, the daughter wants to be understood and accepted in those difficult experiences of her that are now filling her existence.

It is incredibly difficult or even impossible for parents to do this, since most of the daughter's problems have roots in the family situation in which she grew up. I do not mean that you are to blame for something, but the fact is that, for example, you are, on the contrary, too exciting and caring where it is excessive, and "blind" where the girl needs support. From within the family system, it is impossible to discern the errors in the functioning of the system of your relationships.

Inevitably, with such symptoms, help is needed. professional specialists, and first of all, it is a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist (possibly other doctors) and a psychologist along with them. Only after a medical examination and the appointment of adequate treatment, it is advisable to start working with a psychologist, or at least do it at the same time.

It is useless to count on the help of a school psychologist. They have completely different tasks and opportunities, including competence.

If in your city there is no psychologist working with similar problems, then your daughter is old enough to work on Skype.

I hope I have answered your question clearly and in detail. If you have any more questions, please contact.

Your Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Consultations in St. Petersburg and Skype

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Natalia, hello!

Natalya, to be honest, according to what you wrote, I doubt that your daughter will withstand such a psycho-emotional load of a "good girl" "without" bad habits and girlfriends, "unhappy child.

Astheno - neurotic syndrome, as the body's response to overload, in our time, alas, is no longer news. Overestimated demands and expectations on the part of parents, the immediate environment, and the school made the life of an "excellent student of behavior" dependent on norms, rules, and social time.

Do not misunderstand me, I am not calling for unbridled behavior, just not everyone smokes, well, believe my experience, not everyone!

Why didn't your girl meet people with common interests? Why is the child suffocating from the load, how could this even happen? These are the few questions that are not answered in your letter.

Discuss it with the girl!

It is easier for a tomboy to live and find solutions, it is easier to enjoy life, to be happier here and now, and not in the distant future, right?

"Pepi Long Stocking", a book and film for your whole close-knit family, followed by a discussion of how a wonderful girl managed to find solutions to difficult problems https://youtu.be/2vmftGxEPTQ- How do our desires depend on values? Let's look at some examples of cartoons!

If a girl has attempted suicide, then the child is registered with the PND, right?

You can safely contact the psychotherapist supervising her.

Psychologist, psychologist-kinesiologist, coach of parents of children and adolescents

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Good day!

Natalia, it is important for you to stay balanced. Friendly relations in the family, with my daughter, of course, are of great value. -Be in balance with oneself and distinguish between oneself and the Other

If you are considering remote psychotherapy sessions, suggest to your daughter. it course work can give good experience adaptation. Please contact.

Sincerely,

Alla Kudryashova, support for the beginning of changes, adaptation, working on Skype

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Natalia, good afternoon!

Seeing a child lose interest in life and make a choice in favor of death is unbearable.

And for your daughter, too, something in her life was so unbearable that the only way out that she saw was to die. It seems to have no adaptation mechanisms. This may indicate some kind of early trauma, when a child observes or participates in a situation where feelings are off scale, and he does not know how to cope with them, and adults at this moment are not up to him. Moreover, for adults, this situation may be quite normal, but how the child reacts to it and why no one knows exactly why. Until the time comes to figure it out. And it comes at the moment when the psychoemotional load is off scale. And this happens just in the senior classes, when the growing body is depleted from training loads as well.

The presence of such an injury is revealed in individual psychological work. I agree with my colleagues that here it is already necessary to involve a psychiatrist and the sooner the better.

Only to admit that your child is sick for the mother and father is also unbearable. Often, out of false shame, parents do not turn to doctors on time, hiding many facts not only from others, but also from themselves. Because it is very scary to look into the future with a sick child.

And therefore, along with help to children, parents themselves need help and support.

In its individual work parents can first of all reduce the importance of those qualities that they instilled in the course of upbringing their child, those ideal character traits when the child becomes comfortable, but thanks to which he cannot adapt to a normal, imperfect life.

When a parent manages to lower demands and learn to trust their children, it becomes easier for everyone.

In your case psychological work you need to conduct in parallel with you and your daughter. Only joint work can give a good effect.

Look for a specialist for yourself first.

Karpova Lyudmila, psychologist Zelenograd, Moscow

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Good day!

Natalia, your daughter needs the help of an intelligent psychologist.

As a matter of fact, if a teenager cannot deal with some subject, then they agree with the tutor. If he cannot deal with himself and with relations with others, the same regular work is needed, only, unlike a subject tutor, I prepare "for the most important exam" - for life. At regular meetings, we discuss various situations, experiences, think about how to figure out and do the right thing in a given situation.

The daughter says that she would like to have at least one person to whom she would not be indifferent (parents do not count).

In fact, this is a "request for psychotherapy", and I just act as such a person for a teenager. Come, the initial consultation is usually carried out in a joint family format, then the work goes with the teenager and what we are discussing cannot be taken out of the office door on my part. But sometimes at this age teenagers initially come to me on their own, without parents, by prior arrangement with me.

Offer your daughter this option, come for a consultation!

The main thing is not to let her fall into a deep depressive pit, on the edge of which she is already standing - after all, then it is very, very difficult to get out of there, sometimes it becomes "a problem for the rest of her life."

Good luck to you!

Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist
Face-to-face consultations / psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.

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She is 11.
When I was pregnant with her, I was happier than ever in my life.

After birth, everything became very difficult for me. For her, my husband's mother entered the battle with me. She wanted to give the girl all her great love, and I interfered with her. A year of living with a newborn girl in her apartment was a horror for me. I was not ready for this, I was weak and my mother-in-law prevailed. She snatched the girl out of my hands, poured out the food that I was preparing for her in disgust, tormented me with stories about my bad milk, kept watch at the door at night to take the girl to her when she cried. I hated my mother-in-law, myself and moved away from the girl.

Then I had to go to work and I gave up and didn’t take a nanny, but left my daughter with my mother-in-law. My husband said that my mother would die if we did otherwise.

The girl grew up, bathing in the great love of her mother-in-law and with all her heart fell in love with her grandmother. She fell in love so much that she did not want to go to my house in the evenings. (I already lived in another apartment). Every time I tried to take her away from her, she had a tantrum. I hated her in those minutes, because she rejected my love.

I gave birth to my second child, in an attempt to unite our family around me, and took a daughter for myself. But my mother-in-law tracked me down on the street when I walked with the children with pies and sweets and lured my daughter to her place. If I tried not to let me in, my daughter rolled on the ground and cried.

A couple more years passed, I became interesting for my daughter, she agreed to spend time with me, but attacks of rabies against her began to seize me. I could say insulting words to her ("insensible piece of wood", "stupid") and punch in meanly. (Then I asked for forgiveness and she was always allowed to punch me back and defend herself.) Sometimes my daughter lived with me for months, and sometimes she asked to see my grandmother and I let go.

I was able to become strong with my mother-in-law, to act as I needed, and not to her and was no longer angry with her. With my daughter, we became more and more interesting, but everything was spoiled by my monstrous fits of anger directed at my daughter.
We had moments with her, filled with tenderness and love, and there were nightmarish moments when I smashed her.

I began to fight with myself so as not to offend my daughter anymore. I was changing. But as I did not change, I could never catch up with my grandmother in the energy of her love and in her willingness to serve my daughter day and night. It was interesting for my daughter to spend time with me, but she again increasingly began to ask to stay with her grandmother.

Over the past 7 months, I have managed to establish a lot in myself. I regained control of myself. Sometimes there were breakdowns, but I was screaming into the air, and not at my daughter. I became completely ready to be with my daughter both day and night and I wanted this as never before. But my daughter again began to abruptly move away from me. She uses any excuse to be with her grandmother. In my apartment, she starts having headaches, insomnia, and abdominal pain. She comes with a mournful face and speaks to me in grandmother's words about how bad I am.

In one such conversation - I was abruptly left with strength. The constructive disappeared from my head, there was only the desire to strangle myself. All my life I lived with an indifferent mother and went crazy because of this. And here again I was overtaken by indifference from one of the people closest to me. Yes. even dislike. I feel unpleasant for my daughter.
And I collapse from this, as I collapsed from the indifference of my mother. And I still need to raise my son.

Should I let my daughter go? Because I am guilty before days, for what so meanly offended her? Because she was a weakling and lost to her mother-in-law. Because with her grandmother she is better, more comfortable and calmer than with me. I demand, I drag forward through laziness, I snap, and my grandmother just loves her to the point of insanity.
Let her live with her grandmother until she reaches adulthood, and then I will put her in a separate apartment and she will have the opportunity not to be with me.? It will be better for her, huh?
Epilogue 2015: Since I still come across a link to the post as an example of unconditional trouble, I will write that the trouble is in the past.
With her daughter, mother-in-law - a joyful and warm relationship. On my birthday, my daughter said that she was happy that she had such cool mom... Although I’m probably more of an older friend than a mom.
It's hard for me to systematize how things got better in such a way that it could help someone. But I'll try:
- stopped feeling sorry for herself
- let her daughter go and let her be where she feels good
- stopped being offended by her mother-in-law, translated the relationship with her into friendly teasing over our dissimilarity
- I found a big deal, where I directed my aggression and thirst to do good, surprised my daughter with the result
- I learned to humble myself for the sake of love for those whom I love.

Record number 2624.

The reading was conducted by Kairat and Valentina Kinibayevs.

The duration of the session is 1 hour 44 minutes.

Man, Kazakhstan (read on Skype).

Q. What's with his spine?

A. There are problems in the cervical and lumbar spine. There is minor changes in the thoracic region. Osteochondrosis in the cervicothoracic spine, in the region of the 3rd vertebra of the lumbar spine. There is a right-side protrusion.

Massage the entire back with honey and mumiyo. After this procedure, you can grind problem areas with fir oil, and then wash off the remnants. It relieves inflammation, increases blood circulation and the effect of massage.

Bulging. The fibrous ring is intact, it has not burst - this is a protrusion. Be sure to do exercise and cryotherapy - short-term exposure to cold, such as cold water. Each city has a Bubnovsky center. You need to visit for 1 month in order to know with what load and what exercises to do for certain muscle groups, how to breathe correctly. After that, you can build a simulator at home and work out the muscles.

You need to strengthen your back muscles. Exercise helps flush out the lactic acid that builds up in the muscles around the spine that cause pain. Not rest - but movement is needed to cope with this problem. To solve this problem, on average, it takes 1.5-2 years of regular intensive training.

Promotes relaxation, circulation of energy through the body and spinal column, the practice of drawing in energy through the legs. The impact on the subtle bodies will contribute to the fastest result. Do it like a quantum touch, and be sure to accompany it with visualization, how the energy spins in a spiral and heals the body. When you do this, you will physically feel warm.

Q. Is it cold at first, and then warmth spreads?

Oh yeah. The practice is very easy to master, and he will succeed.

Q. What other problems with the spine does he have?

O. Osteochondrosis in the cervicothoracic region, age-related changes.

Q. Can a bay leaf recipe be used once every 3 months?

Q. And do yoga exercises like the Eye of Rebirth?

Oh yeah. The spine needs to be stretched. The easiest option is to hang on the horizontal bar several times a day for several seconds.

B. Condition of the joints.

A. There is a simple and effective method that helps to cope with many problems. Massage with peanut butter. Purchase a cream with grass larkspur in the composition. You can also alkalinize the body in courses of 1 every 3 months, using soda in small quantities, the course is from 14 to 21 days, 1-2 times a day.

It is good for joints to sit in a high chair and just swing your legs. Joint gymnastics are movements that the body itself wants. Hands are like whips, legs are completely free. For the arms and shoulder girdle, exercises are done while sitting, for the legs and feet - sitting on a high surface. It is also a good emotional release and helps relieve stress.

The diet should contain foods that contain a lot of sulfur, which promotes the production of collagen and elastin. For example, eat any kind of legumes. Take dietary supplements, especially during periods of vitamin deficiency, since vitamins A and C are needed by the skin and the immune system. Apply complexes of B vitamins.

B. Urogenital system.

A. Problems are related to the spine. He has to move around a lot, travel by car. This is an unnatural position for the spine and for the genitourinary system. The body is not in a physiological position. Stagnant manifestations are formed, which affects the form of leg cramps at night. Stagnation in the pelvic organs, there is an infectious lesion. There is prostatitis, which worsens in spring and autumn, 1-2 times a year.

When waking up in the morning, do exercises that improve blood circulation. Rub your palms to a state of light warmth, massage each finger first on the right and then on the left hand. Then rub your palms, rub both ears thoroughly, massage the auricles around the entire perimeter. Press your palms tightly to your ears, and abruptly tear your palms away from your ears. Sometimes there may be not very pleasant sensations. But these exercises are useful for the ear itself and for the circulatory system, it normalizes the pressure. After that - exercise the cat, massage the perineum for 2-3 minutes.

Q. How to massage the perineum?

A. Between the anus and the scrotum there is an area of ​​the body that needs to be massaged.

Q. Do circular motions with your finger?

Oh yeah. And do the usual anti-prostatitis exercises. A useful recipe is the use of unroasted pumpkin seeds, rolled through a meat grinder, mixed with honey, in the form of rolled balls, at room temperature.

Q. He is allergic to honey.

A. The daily allowance is 30 pumpkin seeds. They are rich in zinc, which are needed for the male genital area.

You can use aspen bark tincture. Pour 100 grams of bark with 200 ml of vodka to cover the entire bark. Insist for 10 days in a dark place, shaking occasionally. Strain and take 20 drops, adding to ¼ glass of water. 2-3 times a day half an hour before meals. The course is the entire resulting volume. After a month break, repeat the course again.

Celery should be present in the diet. For men's health, a salad of tomatoes, herbs, celery is useful. Olive oil can be infused with celery roots. Place in a jar of celery oil and store in the refrigerator. Fill salad with this oil. Eat walnuts, pine nuts, pistachios.

B. Look at the entire genitourinary system, including the kidneys.

A. Blood, vessels, kidneys. The blood is thicker than normal, there is a large load on the kidneys, which creates high blood pressure. It is important to drink enough water.

A recommendation that will help solve many problems with blood pressure, blood vessels, joints, kidneys and liver. Take 1.5L plastic bottle, make an 8 mm hole in the bottom. Sit down and breathe in a bottle, while you need to pinch your nose. Breathe for 15-20 minutes. If there is a need to swallow saliva, you need to free your nose for this, and then breathe again properly. Thus, carbon dioxide accumulates, due to which the vessels naturally expand, while the pressure decreases. As after a good physical exertion, the vessels begin to dilate and the pressure naturally drops. At the same time, metabolic processes in the body are accelerated, which helps to reduce excess weight... Carbon dioxide formed in the blood is the condition that removes inorganic formations in the organs. The liver, kidneys are gradually cleansed from calculi and toxins of inorganic origin. Manifestations with joints gradually disappear. Do this every day for 15-20 minutes, while you can watch TV. If there are problems, you can do visualization. Do this only while sitting. You can start with 5 minutes, gradually increasing the time. It is a simple and effective breathing trainer.

A. Recipe with millet, wheat broth.

Q. Are there stones or sand in the kidneys?

A. There is sand in both kidneys.

Q. What should he do?

A. Drink wheat broth. Drinking from 5 to 7 pm is the time of the greatest efficiency of the kidneys. The most effective kidneys are from late August to December. All procedures related to the cleansing of the kidneys, for the best effect of recovery, should be done better during this period. The cranberry berry, which has bactericidal properties, is useful; it can be added to millet porridge. To use such a recipe for a month in the morning, it cleanses the kidneys, even crushes stones.

B. He has a hernia in the area just below the navel. Give recommendations.

A. The problem is related to the intestines. You need to take good quality copper - either yellow or white, but ordinary copper is better, like old copper nickels. Apply for 2-3 hours, secure with a plaster. You can use the same plate, just after each application it needs to be rinsed with running water.

You can apply any clay collected away from industrial enterprises and roads. To make clay applique cakes according to a well-known recipe. Use every day if possible.

Q. Look at the condition of the liver.

A. There are changes in the liver associated with fat metabolism - fatty hepatosis. There is no cholecystitis yet, but the bile is thick, which can lead to problems in the future. We need light choleretic drugs, herbs. It can be hepatic herbal teas. Eat buckwheat, 100 grams of low-fat cottage cheese per day, rose hips, bran. We need B vitamins: B1, B6, B12. Take hepatoprotectors like hepadiv, fanetox.

To displace strong tea and coffee from the diet, it is better to drink leafy green tea. Eat less fatty, fried. It is necessary to stimulate the work of the gallbladder so that it throws bile into the intestines so that there is no stagnation. This is facilitated by the use of black cumin oil in the morning on an empty stomach 40 minutes before meals. Can be alternated with olive and linseed oil.

Q. Look at his lung condition.

A. He has no major problems.

Q. Does he have a clear lymphatic system?

A. The lymphatic system cannot be pure even in a child.

Q. There are people for whom it is completely clogged up and no longer works.

A. He has no major problems. Naturally, you need cleansing and stimulation.

Q. What is the best way to clear his lymphatic system? She fails him.

A. The best option is to consume a decoction of oats for 2-3 months.

Q. Or the Coral Club lymphogon?

Oh yeah. Breathing into a bottle will improve lung function.

Q. He wants to have his vision corrected. Does he need it?

A. It is possible to improve the quality of vision without correction. This is facilitated by exercises that train the eye muscles - transverse and longitudinal. Blink your eyes, look diagonally, make circular movements. Periodically, you need to give your eyes a rest, covering them with your palms. Breathing through the eyes. Train the focusing of sight, stick the point on the window, and focus now on distant objects, then on the point. All methods work, but they take a long time.

Q. His left ear cannot hear. Can hearing be restored?

A. This is an old problem - the consequences of colds, acute otitis media.

Q. It happened while hunting. After the shot, it began to ring, rushed to heal a week later, but it was already too late. It can be fixed?

A. Do breathing exercises with a bottle. Rinse the nasopharynx with warm salt water, this contributes to the aggravation of hearing, sight, smell. You can use propolis tincture, which contains a large amount of macro- and microelements. Take 30% propolis tincture, or make it yourself. Mix with any vegetable oil. The oil must be disinfected. Take a metal dish, pour a large amount of oil, put in a water bath, and boil for 30-40 minutes. Mix with tincture at the rate of 1 part tincture - 4 parts oil. Make turuntuds from a bandage and insert into the ear for 12 hours. Do this for 2 weeks. Then take a break for 2 weeks, and repeat the course again.

Q. He wants to restore hair and its density. There is a possibility?

A. The hair follicles are already lost. It can only be restored surgically. Hair follicles can be strengthened by improving blood circulation. Take a soft massage comb, and do 100 massaging movements. Rub in a tincture of red hot pepper before washing your head. Make masks using yolk and cognac, also rub in before shampooing. On this occasion, men should not worry. This is only a personal perception, not a defect. This should be taken lightly.

Q. He lives with a woman. What kind of person is she?

A. Energetic, active, sociable, sometimes gambling. Emotional and hot, capable of desperate actions. Will not give offense to yourself and your loved ones. Able to quickly navigate, solve problems. A difficult character, which is associated with upbringing and traditions, although at heart she is a desperate woman. It is difficult to argue with her: irrevocable and principled in certain issues.

Sometimes decisions can be made spontaneously, succumbing to impulses, emotions. But the fervor passes, it cools down, and if she was wrong, she can ask for forgiveness. If there are disputes and conflicts, she tries to get everything resolved quickly. He does not like resentment in himself for a long time, therefore, if a problem arises, it is better to solve it immediately. He always tries to figure out what the point is, and then calm down. Impulsive nature.

Q. Can Marat have an alliance with Catherine? Is he going to marry her?

A. They may have interaction. If you create a family, then she will strive to take control of all aspects of life. She is a flexible person, she can adjust. She has a desire to dictate her conditions, to get her way. On the basis of this, conflicts with Marat are possible. They can adapt to each other. Another question is how much Anna will be able to accept it. He may be caught between two fires. If you start a family, then tension can arise quickly. Ekaterina is not very compatible with Anna.

Q. Should they start a family? If so, how to build relationships?

A. The question is incorrect. The union will not be entirely successful, conflicts and adjustments will be inevitable. Marat can rebuild himself and remake himself, but Catherine does not want to change. They could accept each other, but the big question is with Anna.

Q. How can they learn to interact?

A. More effort should be made by Catherine to establish contact with Anna. She needs to accept. Anna has a difficult character. When joining a family, it is important to establish contact. An adult is wiser and more flexible. Marat needs to show love and care for his daughter so that she does not feel forgotten and abandoned. Let her know that he, too, has a right to happiness. It is necessary to keep neutrality in relation to Catherine and Anna. Be guided by the principles of fairness. If acute situations arise, try to bring them together so that they can solve these problems themselves.

Q. It will be hard for them. Is it impossible to talk to Catherine so that she would show understanding that Anna is now having a difficult period?

A. She understands and accepts everything. Now the situation is level and calm. But the point is that if there is a family, cohabitation.

V. Anna will live separately.

A. In this case, the union is quite possible. It is necessary to avoid clashes and collisions that are possible when living together.

Q. Is the union possible?

Q. Will there be relationship advice?

O. Marat understands that Catherine is assertive and demanding. He is the owner, the house, his own hearth is important for him. He likes to take care of and take care of. As a husband, he will manifest many points that a woman needs. He brings everything into the house, for the family. The main thing is not to let sit on your neck. You need to be able to lay siege on time, of course, do it gently. Such relationships need to be built from the very beginning. Assertiveness is inherent in Catherine, so this moment needs to be adjusted immediately.

V. Marat transferred the money to the company on the Forex exchange. Will the company be stable for 5-7 years?

A. No, you have to be careful. There is a high probability of burnout. The company will be around for a very short time. If it is possible to withdraw money, this must be done.

Q. Many intermediaries work at Forex, who work for 2-3 years, and when they collect a lot of money, they leave.

A. Build up volume and then collapse. This is a pyramid that works in the same way.

Q. Can I withdraw money unambiguously?

Q. Isn't it worth investing?

Q. How long will virtual money last ...?

A. In 6-7 months it will end in early 2015.

V. Marat wants to be engaged in the processing of tires and plastics by the method of prolysis, as well as to produce equipment. Should he do this?

Q. If he creates a business, will it be profitable and stable?

Q. How many years will it take for promotion?

A. It takes time for implementation and development. This niche needs to be filled as quickly as possible. The direction will develop intensively. It will take more than 2 years for this to work out and bring a stable profit. And then the market will become denser, competition will grow.

There is an internal need for this, because it is a kind of sanitary cleaning, it is a real help to people on a global scale. This direction is actively beginning to develop, and in the future it will develop just as intensively. He needs this, he will feel satisfaction, he has a desire to do this, this is his business.

Q. He is interested in alternative energy and alternative fuel... In what direction to work in order to get results and be realized in business? Should he go in this direction?

A. This is a future perspective. It is difficult to implement this now. This area will develop, but now it will be problematic to deal with it. This needs to be developed, it takes time. Now the business may stall, it will be difficult to promote it.

Q. In what direction should he act? Fuel and energy?

Oh yeah. Now it will be difficult to move forward to make the business profitable. This should be approached not in the near future, but to work for the future - to be interested, to collect information, to structure it. There should be a gradual development, because there is a share of risk.

Q. Should he do another business in order to achieve a good result?

O. Marat is attracted by serious projects. Small and medium should flow into big business... Its activities should be associated with production, extraction or processing. It must be serious and time consuming process... There he would have occupied his niche. Utilization, recycling is the direction where it should move. The option of purchasing equipment for industrial enterprises, factories, serious and voluminous is possible. It will be within his power and will bring satisfaction. A purely masculine serious job in which he will feel normal. For their own development, self-esteem, self-affirmation.

Q. Will he be advised on a specific direction? What equipment and where to supply?

A. Agricultural machinery, spare parts. He has a good connection with the earth, so everything that somehow concerns this, he can develop and promote. Everything that is directly or indirectly connected with the earth is his.

Q. He has a debtor. Will he ever pay him back?

Q. He has doubts about Anna's workshop. Does she need to be at the seminar or not?

A. If she actively expresses a desire to go to the seminar, you need to talk to Kairat, what she wants to get as a result, what she would like to learn, or what to get rid of. She must have a clear intention, she must be aware of what she needs. She has a desire to communicate with a group of people with whom she will be comfortable. If she is protected from this, she may develop latent, unmanifest aggression. Some practices related to relaxation, internal self-control are useful for her, and some will not work for her. Extrasensory perception, channeling - she doesn't need this now, she needs to be separated from this.

Q. When this will pass, should she directly be told that it is too early for her? And can he study the trance state if he wants?

Oh yeah. It is necessary to clearly define what she wants and what she cannot.

Q. Doesn't she need an offset yet?

Oh no. She is a smart and rational girl, so she doesn't need it yet.

If you notice a spelling error, please select it with the mouse and click Ctrl + Enter.

Good morning. I am asking for advice. I am almost 23 years old. I have been dating a young man for a long time and for the last few months (3-4) we have been living together with my mother. We decided to live separately as soon as finances allow, and a couple of days ago we told my mother about this decision. Her reaction was a surprise to me.
Digression: I am the only and late child in the family, my mother has been living without a man for a long time, practically all my life we ​​have lived three together (me, my mother, my grandmother), 2 years ago my grandmother died. Relations with my mother have always been good, she always says that there were no problems with me, even as a teenager. I always try to help her, even when it is a burden to me. She has been retired for several months (she was laid off for redundancy).
Having learned the news about our move, the first day she just walked around resentful. On the morning of the second day, in tears (which happens sooooo rarely), she came up to me and described in paints that she was a single woman, asked not to leave me alone. She said that with our move her life would end and, in general, her meaning was lost. My arguments that we are not abandoning her, that we are a young couple and we want to build our own house and our family together, she answered something like this: “Why can't you live together all your life. Everyone lives in families under one roof perfectly. the right to live out my life with my children. Why would I then wake up in the morning. That is, you will leave and will build your house on a green meadow, and I will die alone in an apartment ... "
I tried to explain to her that there are many opportunities to entertain herself, that now she lives our life and that we will not be happy here. She called her arguments selfish, to which she pointedly remarked: "I see, now asking for mercy is senile selfishness." (At the same time, she is incomplete 58).
Now we just don't talk, she made us enemies of the people. My boyfriend and I are traitors now. Intellectually, I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.
In general, I tried to describe the situation and ask for advice. How to break through the wall of prejudice and misunderstanding. How to move with peace of mind, knowing that mom is bad. Thanks in advance for your reply.

13 Mar 2017

XuXun

Olesya Verevkina

XuXun, a psychologist, will comment on the topic after a while.
In the section of our forum, there are many great articles. If time permits, you can look into it, perhaps some information will be useful.

13 Mar 2017

Hello, I can chat.

XuXun, you are describing situations often experienced by single women raising a child.

Intellectually, I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.

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Yes, you can feel sad and worried about your mom.
I suggest you take a slightly different look at what is happening.
Let's "enter" mom's position: she is used to being with you, giving and receiving care. She made you the meaning of her life. It was her choice, and you have nothing to do with him. By leaving her, you are depriving her of her important needs. It is a fact. But - the mother has the right to feel sadness and pain, she is painfully experiencing these changes. She must be given time. Any feeling, even the most unpleasant one, comes to an end or becomes easier. Bottom line: Mom is entitled to her sad feelings. You can sympathize with her (i.e. respond to her feelings), regret it. Talk about your feelings.
BUT - to build your life the way you want, to live separately is your right. You will even help mom to start thinking about her life, about her desires. You can tell your mom that you will be helping her, sometimes spending time. But you want to start your own family. And her support is important to you.
Bottom line: mom has the right to be sad and feel the pain of parting, you can sympathize with her. Confirm your love with care and attention. But build your life the way you want. And tell my mom about it, "It's important for me ..."

13 Mar 2017

Hello. Thanks for the answer.
But I don't even know how to get my point across to her. She just can't hear me. Doesn't understand why it is impossible to be together. Why is it impossible to build a family in "our" house. I told her all this, to which she appeals to pity and duty or speaks meaningfully: "Well, yes, I will wake up crying every day, talk only with the dog and die alone" ...
And one more thing ... How, having moved, to find the balance in which both we will feel good and mom will not be lonely ...

13 Mar 2017

XuXun

Mom has the right not to understand, not to want, not to want. This is her right. But this is not a reason for you to do as she wants. Confirm her right to want what she wants. "Yes, mom, you want me to be next to you. You have the right to want. I see that you are sad ... I sympathize with you. But I want to build my family relations separately. We decided so, we want to, it's our choice "
And stop all conversations with your mom in which she begins to decide for you.
Ask how it will be easier for her to survive the departure? Calls in the morning and evening; Tea together once a week; go to the store together on a day off? And agree to what you yourself will be comfortable, what you are ready for. You have the right to say no. Let her know that you are ready to take care of her BUT this does not apply to your family life. It's taboo here!
If a mother chooses to die crying, it is very sad, but it is her own choice. She can make other choices as well.

13 Mar 2017

Thank you very much for your advice. I will try.

Olga, hello. I now have the impression that my relationship with my mother has been irretrievably destroyed. She considers me a traitor and speaks through her teeth. It is very difficult for me to communicate with her, rather I do not even want to do this. I try to talk to her calmly, but it's very difficult. I'm afraid our relationship will never work out. I don't even know how to behave with her. I can't leave her either. Maybe you can advise something. Thanks a lot in advance.

13 Mar 2017

XuXun

XuXun, good evening.

my relationship with my mom is irrevocably destroyed

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If it is difficult for you with your mom, and mom is experiencing the pain of separation, this does not mean that the relationship is ruined. They are going through "hard times".
Answer the questions:
1. If you do not take the situation of your difficult relationship now, then how do you feel about your mom. In general ... What qualities does a mother have that you like, you are proud, respect ...
2. What is moving from your mother for you? Why do you need it, what for?
3. What kind of relationship do you want with your mom? Are you to her, her to you, to your young family?

When communicating with mom, what is important not to do! - do not make excuses, do not condemn, do not blame, do not give advice, do not read lectures.
Let's create messages for mom that you stick with!

It is very difficult for me to communicate with her, rather I do not even want to do this. I try to talk to her calmly, but it's very difficult. I'm afraid our relationship will never work out. I don't even know how to behave with her. I can't leave her either.

Click to Expand ...

Based on your text, you can make the following appeal to your mother: "Mom, it is very difficult for me to communicate with you now, often I do not even want to do this. But I am sure that we can overcome the difficulties of traveling, because we love and respect each other. Because I am I know you as ... (answers to 1 question). It is important for me to live separately with my family, because ... (answer to 2 question) And this does not mean that I do not love you and will not care. our relationship was ... (answer to question 3).

Read it yourself, "make it your own", filling it with your feelings and experiences. And stick with it. It is important for you to show your mom calmness, firmness. This will help her survive the separation.

considers me a traitor and speaks through clenched teeth

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Just be the translator of your mom's words "Mom, it's hard for you, you're angry." And that's all. Mom has the right to express her feelings, she just uses other expressions.

25 Mar 2017

Thank you very much for your advice.

25 Mar 2017

.Children from first marriage

Good afternoon, tell me how to solve a family issue related to my daughter and my husband. I got married a year ago, we comply. My daughter is 10 years old, my husband and daughter have a difficult relationship. He cannot find a common language with her, constantly makes comments to her, she tries to do everything and correct her actions, on which her husband makes specific comments. The child does not want to live in our family, she often cries because of the dislike of my husband. My husband has children in his first marriage, and the youngest is a daughter. He shows warmth to her and says that since she is far from me, I show warmth. What should I do? This situation is heating up and disrupting shlom byte(family peace). Thanks. N.

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