Is it boring to live alone? Life without a man: how to learn to live alone? If you have had a serious relationship in the past, how did you feel

Sooner or later, every girl is faced with the question: "How to live further?" This happens when the usual way of life collapses like a house of cards. Now comes a transitional stage, which is extremely necessary to go through. It is not always advisable to return to your parents. Firstly, they can live in another city, and secondly, parents are parents. Before accepting you, they will start asking you about the details of why you began to live together, saying that they warned about possible disadvantages, but you did not listen to them. The traditional history of notation and reprimands will begin.


The best way is to start living on your own. However, not all girls imagine how to live alone. Indeed, where to start, how to become, how to be confident in the future? You are currently in a state of shock. Despite the fact that many medical workers say that this state negatively affects you, we dare to say the opposite. It is, being in a state of shock, many people do those things that would take several months or years in ordinary life. Now you can build a foundation for your future life in the shortest possible time. So, what do you need to focus your attention on first? Naturally, to the place of residence. Today you can rent an apartment or a room quickly, literally within one day. What does that require? Just go to the thematic sites of your city, contact the owner of the apartment, make an appointment with him. At first, we would advise you to rent a separate room in your apartment. This must be done with the aim saving money... Now you do not know how long it will take you to establish a stable financial condition, so do not waste all the accumulated money on nice apartment downtown. Better to spend the same funds for several months of payment for the room. As a rule, if you rent a room, then it is locked with a separate key. When you go to work, school or visit, you simply close your room. This way you can be sure that no one will enter your personal space. The kitchen should also have multiple kitchen tables and refrigerators. Their number depends on how many rooms are in the apartment. One separate room - one table, one refrigerator, one wardrobe. This way you will not be confused about your food products. Everything in the room is what you rent for the duration of your stay. The better the renovation, the higher the monthly fee. Do not chase modern renovation, for the latest technology, since the cost of renting a room can reach the cost of renting a one-room apartment. Calculate the slightest savings. So, for example, how much money do you spend per month on the trip to and from your place of work? This is the minimum amount you are required to pay for a ride per month. Now look at the cost of the room per month next to your job and at some distance. Add the cost of travel to the cost of distant housing. Now compare the two sums. It may be cheaper to rent a room next to work. Then you can sleep a little longer in the morning, and also save on travel costs.

Now we are deciding on the method of part-time work. Don't dwell on one job. This way you will never build up the necessary foundation for a quiet life. What do we mean now? Everything is very simple. In order for you to feel confident in the future, you need to have a certain amount of cash. It is desirable that they be enough for six months of housing rent and food. So, for example, if everything in your life has gone downhill, if there is no job or apartment, you should have an emergency supply of money that you could spend on a normal existence. At least you could live like this for six months. Where to get this money and where to store it? First, we would suggest that you think about additional earnings... The idea immediately arises to get an additional job. This can be a waiter, floor washer, secretary, etc. As a rule, we are looking for a second job somewhat worse than the first. Besides, nobody here demands mental work from you. All that is needed is to carry out a general routine that is repeated from day to day. However, you will not be able to earn enough money here, and besides, you will feel uncomfortable in this job. Today, there are better ways to get money. For example, this earnings on the Internet... Here you yourself work out how much you want to earn, what amount of money to receive. In addition, you work in your free time from your main work. You can spend one hour a day or 3-4 hours doing a part-time job. On weekends, you can not lie on the couch thinking what you can do, but quietly earn extra money, earning up to several thousand rubles a day. There is different ways freelancing (remote work), however, the most popular today is the creation of sites, design, copyright (rewriting one text to another, in other words - rewriting the text) and rewriting (writing your own, author's texts on the customer's topic). The cost of the work depends on the person you are working with, as well as on your work experience. At permanent work you can earn 8-10 thousand rubles a month. And this is already quite good wage a specialist who devotes all his free time to his work. Earned cash can be sent to you on a plastic card or on a virtual wallet. It also depends on your customer. How it will be more convenient for him to pay you for your work. You can leave all the earned money on a plastic card, or you can open your own bank account. We would advise you to use the second option for storing funds. The banking system guarantees the safety of your funds. If someone breaks the password of your plastic card, removes all savings from it, then you will be responsible for this. If the funds disappear from the bank, then the responsibility lies with the employees of the banking system. In addition, for keeping money in the bank, you receive a certain percentage, which is charged either monthly or once a year.

In addition to working over the Internet, you can also open your own craft. For example, you can do hairdressing, nail painting, sew women's and men's clothing, knit to order. So you can do what you love, improve yourself and at the same time earn money. In addition, the customers of the work here are in your city. You can call them up, invite them to a fitting, to the presentation of new collections of outfits. You can make your own discounts for regular customers to keep them close to you.

Don't waste your money on various entertainment establishments. Now you have other goals. When you learn to distribute your goals, be clear about your options. Then you can clearly understand what you are in this life, what level you can reach. On average, it can take up to six months to develop an independent life. Only then can you calculate whether you can rent a one-room apartment, can you save money to buy your own home, can you take courses, trainings, seminars, pay for yourself extra education... However, all this will be later, and now you can start your independent formation, the formation of that foundation of life, which then no one can destroy.

It's fun to live with someone, but often neighbors get bored, you want to be alone for at least a few hours. If you live alone, then the problem is the opposite - loneliness will sooner or later get bored (even if you started living alone for the reason that your roommates absolutely got sick of you). However, by following a few tips in our article, you can avoid the feelings of depression and depression that sometimes overtake in an empty apartment.

1. Visit family and friends regularly

If you live alone, you may sometimes feel overwhelmed by the lack of social interaction. If at least once a week you or your family will fill this gap in communication and the balance will be restored.

2. Join a club or organization associated with something you love

For example, if you love to read, then join a book lovers club, attend meetings regularly. Love sports - visit sporting events even if you have to go there alone. In any case, doing what you love will keep you in a good mood.

3. Get a pet

A dog or cat will give you companionship, but will not be as annoying as a roommate. If you prefer animals that require a little less attention and care, then this could be a rabbit or a fish.

4. Prepare your

When you live with someone, you are forced to focus on your neighbor's culinary preferences. Even if you cook each one for yourself, it can be annoying, for example, the smell of garlic or something else. When you live alone, you can cook whatever you want, whenever you want.

5. Surround yourself with the things you love.

Create the environment you like at home. When you live alone, you can do whatever you want without being guided by the tastes of your roommate.

Do not get hung up on the fact that you live alone, this creates longing and a feeling of loneliness. Enjoy freedom: eat what you want, watch what you want, sleep when you please, clean up and wash the dishes at any time of the day or night, in general, do not limit yourself in anything, and good mood guaranteed to you!

If you live alone or alone, then you, for sure, sometimes feel sad and lonely to be in the house alone. This is the problem of all people who live on their own. Sometimes, the melancholy becomes so unbearable that you don't even want to come home from work. Only an empty apartment is waiting for you and no one else is waiting for you. Therefore, for those who feel sad at home and are lonely, we recommend a few tips on how to improve the situation.

1. Don't sit at home all the time

Try to spend more time with friends, family, and company. You feel bored with a lack of communication. If it is enough, then there will be no trace of longing. Make it a tradition for yourself, for example, to meet with friends on Saturdays and visit family on Sundays. As soon as you feel that melancholy overwhelms you - call and make an appointment. Invite your friends more often, cook something tasty, come up with entertainment and gather a company that will please you.

2. Find like-minded people

Attend like-minded meetings or find an organization where you can connect with people like you. This will brighten up the loneliness gap. If you like hiking, hiking, sports, then there are many tourist clubs where you will find yourself a company for hiking and just hanging out. If you like some kind of music, you can find their fan group. Find what you like. You can attend seminars, trainings, various lectures. In any case, doing what you love will keep you in a good mood.

3. Make a friend

If you quickly get tired or get satiated with socializing, then you can have a pet as a good alternative. Caring for and playing with him will bring you a lot of joy and positive emotions. And the apartment will no longer seem so empty and dull to you when you return home. On the contrary, you will rush home from work, because you know that an animal is waiting for you at home, which is hungry and misses you.

4. Add comfort

Make your apartment a cozy nest where it would be nice to be. Create your own interior, just use everything that will make your apartment more fun. No dark or pale colors. Use warm and pastel colors, add bright colors. In general, fantasize, experiment, this is your apartment. Various little things will add zest to your interior, and beautiful curtains will make the room more comfortable. Surround yourself with the things you love, this is what makes you feel at home.

5. Cook at home more often

It makes the home more lively, filling it with the aromas of cooking. Find some interesting recipes and create a culinary masterpiece .. Cooking turns into a whole ritual. Don't forget to invite guests to your meal. You will spend a great day with pleasant company and a delicious lunch.

So as you can see, one can live very well. You can find a lot of advantages in this. For example, you yourself regulate what to do and when to do, without adjusting to your roommates. Cooking what you like, going to bed and waking up when you want. Finally, clean up and wash the dishes without comment. Being in silence as long as you want is sometimes important. And many others positive aspects which you can see for yourself. The main thing is not to bother and not to mess around, but to occupy yourself with your favorite things and, of course, housework.

Home Alone, or Why It's Good to Live Alone

Who said that being alone is synonymous with loneliness ?!

A common stereotype that a woman living alone is an unhappy, sad creature who comes to her empty and cold apartment, where no one is waiting for her, and sobs into an empty saucepan, dreaming of a large family.

Undoubtedly, a certain percentage of women really perceive independent life as a personal tragedy or, even worse, the end of the world. But everything is completely different if you know how to get pleasure from your own life. More precisely, when you are interested in yourself.

Of course, no one is against a company of friends, a man, a family, a kitten and a blooming ficus tree, but personal space is such an unimaginable thrill that sometimes you can go crazy and get very angry with the whole world and violators of “your” territory.

Before you understand whether you can live without a man or parents, think about it - are you interested in spending time alone? Do you need an excuse to cook a delicious dinner, or, left in an empty apartment, you immediately go on a pre-shirak diet? Coming home in the evening, can you enjoy the silence, good music, lying in the bathroom, reading a book, and not turn on the TV, radio, Internet and call all your friends at the same time, clogging the air with sounds, voices and noise?

Do you know how to spend a free weekend, even if no one invited you anywhere?

The basic rule of a happy solitary life is to love yourself the way you want others to love you. Remember everything that you like - now you can do it all in any quantity! Pamper yourself, feed delicious food, entertain with movies, music, books and guests. Do yoga on the kitchen floor while looking to see if the pie is baked. You can come home at three o'clock in the morning, toss your coat in the hallway, throw out your boots, lay naked in front of the TV and eat a Big Mac, bought on the way, right in bed. In the morning, no one will say a word to you about your bad behavior. Selfishness is freedom. There is no need to report, worry, get up an hour and a half earlier to cook breakfast for someone.

You can love yourself and yourself again. And someone else, but only by mood.

Society is used to considering an unmarried woman as useless and frustrated. The stereotypical image of a happy woman is a husband, children, maybe work, and independence and self-sufficiency are mistaken for disorder in life and hopelessness.

But the fact is that women themselves, living alone and not seeking to start a family, are happy with their lives. In addition, other representatives of the weaker sex, most often married, react negatively to single women. After all, any free and independent lady is a potential homewrecker and mistress of their man. At the same time, men who live outside the family perceive women mostly positively or indifferently.

Of course, there are also disadvantages, as, in fact, everywhere. And the most important minus is highlighted on the scoreboard during illness. It is at this moment that a woman more than ever sharply feels the need for support, care and a warm barrel. But you have to buy aspirin yourself, you can brew tea yourself and whine only on facebook.

Although, not everything is so scary. In a good scenario, you can always invite a mother, girlfriend, man to maintain vitality. After all, calling an ambulance is a people there too, and they know how to talk and feel compassion.

So, what do our readers think about independent living? What pros and cons do they see?

Ekaterina, 32

Have breakfast in the kitchen, alone or without underpants, at 2 pm on Sunday;

Do epilation with a depilatory on the couch and listen loudly to France culture;

Store books nearby on the pillow;

You can take convenient shelves for cosmetics in the refrigerator and not worry about a cream worth 5 thousand (the same story with clothes in the closet);

My bike wants to hang on the ceiling, wants to stand upside down.

The disease comes alone and spends time only with you alone, you need something - think for yourself;

And you also have to wash the dishes yourself;

No one will serve tea and breakfast will not be prepared after 7/12 working week;

A screwdriver, a hammer, a bag of nails fell - get off the cabinet and look.

Olga, 27

I really like to live alone, because you can live as you like, no one will say a word across. If you want - vacuum at two in the morning, throw out your socks, sleep like a star until lunchtime, eat chips in the bed, and shake off the crumbs from them with your heel on the other, free, half of the bed. And when someone starts to apply for this half, as well as hope for a hot breakfast and loyalty, it becomes somehow uncomfortable. She didn’t grieve for herself, she sawed her nails right on the carpet, came at three in the morning, woke up at one o'clock, didn’t throw the rotten stuff out of the refrigerator, and then I had to reckon with someone. And for someone, and maybe even for me, all these little pleasant little things weigh more than the joy of caring for another person. Loneliness is such a pleasure that you begin to understand over the years. Only the first time is hard, and after six months it becomes good and comfortable, and goosebumps run through the body from the thought that everything will change, that you will have to live not your own selfish life, but one for two with someone else. Sometimes it seems to me that I am morally crippled, for the second year I am trying to understand the paradox: I seem to know that it is necessary to reorient myself to the eternal values ​​of "home-family" from my own momentary pleasures, but only I am so perfectly fine with myself that no children and I don't need husbands, but I need the opportunity to sleep like a star and not be accountable to anyone.

Irina, 26

Life alone is complete freedom in everyday life, in regimen, in tastes ... At the same time, all the responsibility rests only with you. At first it can be difficult, but when you realize that no one can mess up except you, you adapt to various everyday situations, it does not bother you anymore.
It seems to me that such a way of life can lead to complete independence and to greater selfishness. For me, this is such a period of life when you can try everything and choose the best, for men this also applies. I hope over time not to lose the ability to get along with others, but rather acquire useful skills.

Anna, 27

Of course, nature is inherent in us to meet, fall in love, reproduce. But times have changed, and the patterns of human life and gender relations have changed too. Women have become independent - they can perfectly provide for themselves and translate their desires and ambitions into reality, and not sit and feel sad at the window waiting for marriage. Men, too, have nowhere to rush - to have regular sex without any relationship, and even more so without marriage, many can afford. But that's not the point. And that the situation has changed, but there is no attitude towards it in society. Especially if you are a girl: if you are alone, then something is definitely wrong with you. Many people don't even think that you like being alone. In fact, there are many pluses.

The first, main and indisputable is freedom. You love to travel and go to the theater, and your boyfriend loves to go to the dacha with friends and go snowboarding - this is not your problem. You don't have to adjust to it - you just do what you want.

The second is self-development. It is clear that if your thoughts are not occupied by the second half, they are occupied by the first. A great time and opportunity to discover yourself, improve yourself, find your way and walk along it, and not just go with the flow of family circumstances. You have the time and opportunity to understand that you are not an accountant, but an artist, or that you are not a sales manager, but a yoga instructor.

I know many women who have benefited from loneliness - we are talking about those who eventually connected their lives with someone, but at a completely different, higher quality level. For such women, without this long free flight, the cage called "home" would be too cramped, and only after enjoying freedom, many of us can appreciate the lack of freedom.

Finally, it seems to me, you need to remember that you can be happy or unhappy in any quality and status - I often see sadness in the eyes of married girlfriends and girls with the status "In a relationship with ...". After all, the main thing is who this "with ..."

Only, dear ladies, if you are married, do not rush to immediately collect your suitcase and run away into the happy and beautiful distant called "Life alone". As a result, all women sometimes envy each other, in whatever position they would not be.

I immediately apologize if my problem seems far-fetched (sometimes worse, 100 percent), but this is important to me. I am 31 years old. An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization have been earned, in general, a good career has been built. I got married a little over a year ago. But now I am very tormented by the fact that, in my opinion, it was a big mistake. My husband is very good, kind, caring, with his own shortcomings (and who does not have them ?!), but I am not comfortable living as a family ... I am very irritated by everything. It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adjust, "build a family"). Conversations about divorce are coming up more and more often ... I already think this is some kind of game "who will beat ..", but this is wrong! To my arguments that I want to live alone and he still has everything ahead of him, he only says - I am your husband and I love only you and we will be together, I will make you happy, etc. And so on ... I see how he trying. And I even evaluate it in my own way from the outside (oh, what a fine fellow he is!), But I don't need all this. I want to live alone. It has already reached apathy ... We live like neighbors (I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness and tried to adjust, but do loving people live like this? I conclude that I do not love him as a man. I love him as a person). But most importantly, I don’t want to love anyone. Not only him ... And I don't care if it's right or wrong. They didn't tell my parents anything (why upset. They were so happy at the wedding for us ... They adore my husband), but I'm ready to tell them too ... Why should I "shove" my Wishlist somewhere ... One life and spend I’m tired of fighting her ... At first, study, career, apartment ... now the family ... Tired of everything. I want happiness. But I see happiness in the fact that I will live alone with a cat / dog (I don’t want people next to me). I'll be really good. Background before the wedding, if it helps: from 22 to 28 I was in cohabitation with another person (I dragged everything on myself, waited for him to get married, loved / tolerated / built a career / ennobled the house), but then a petty quarrel with his mother set To the point, I packed my things and left ... I suffered that he did not follow me (but there his mother tried to steer everyone), and then ... Then I left for a career. She worked like a wolf for about a year. Boyfriends appeared .. and even the former came with a "ring / knee". But it was no longer interesting to me ... But then my future husband appeared on the stage ... he was very persistent ... and in every possible way entertained / sought me (and as a result, all the friends / relatives from such a fairy tale nodded at him side - it's him! He! Loves! He wants a family! Everything for you! !! And it's time for you to get married already, because age !! .. And as a result, he is upset and sure that I love him (I saw your eyes, you are happy !! And so on ..), I am in apathy .. Both we suffer. Parents and friends don't know yet. I know that I am the only one to blame! But what can I do in the current situation - I don’t put my mind to it! ??! I would be glad to advice. And one more thing: the stumbling block may be the fact that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want children anymore! (I wanted, I don't want ... horror!) ... Thank you all in advance and sorry for the syllable - confusion in my head.

Psychologists' Answers

Hello Maria. I suppose so. If the first relationship was controlled by his mother, then the guy was addicted and infantile. And if you lived with an immature guy, then it was easy for you. That is, this is how you show your low self-esteem. easy with someone who is worse than you. Now a man is worthy and correct. Mature. And you are not used to such warmth and gratitude. And you have a rejection of a too good guy, whom you, as it were, are not worthy. But, manifests itself in the form of a protective reactions, indifference to him, dislike. And unwillingness of children. With him you will have an unconscious threat to be abandoned, because, unconsciously, you are worse, and he may be disappointed in you. Yes, you can leave. You have a mess in your head now. , and, probably, you need to live for three years alone. But I think it is important to work with a psychologist. To overcome the mess and open up your inner fears of failure. As soon as the unconscious fear of a man disappears, you will become comfortable in a couple. But not now. Ask for help if you decide, I can help.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist at the Volgograd psychoanalytic school

Good answer 6 Bad answer 1

Hello Maria!

You have the right to live as you feel comfortable. If you want loneliness now, then it is important for you to get it and enjoy it to the fullest. Only then can you either finally confirm that you are a loner, or consciously want a family and a child. Otherwise, you, anyway, will spend all your strength and energy on the pursuit of loneliness.

But a few years ago, you were ready to live in marriage. Perhaps the desire to live alone is a defensive reaction against the pain you experienced in a previous relationship. In addition, you need to deal with your emotional program inherent in childhood, in the parental family. It follows from your letter that you are attracted to "mama's sons", and devoted, loving, caring men do not evoke strong feelings.

Finally, everything can be dealt with only at an individual consultation. If you need help, come.

Marina Stolyarova, consultant psychologist, St. Petersburg

Good answer 5 Bad answer 0

Hello Maria!
Of course, you have the right to live as you see fit. It is felt by your message that you are successful and quite confident in yourself. But if it did not bother you, you would not write here. live, worries you.
You write:


It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adjust, "build a family")

But in every woman, initially, by nature, there is a huge supply of love, which she gives to relatives, relatives, children, acquaintances, neighbors ... And when she knows how to do this and does, she comes back to her ...
One gets the impression that you do not want to live according to "gender", therefore, the following appeared in the list of your achievements:


An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization, in general, a good career has been built

A man appeared next to him who loves you, but you feel as if on an equal footing in the male role:


It already seems to me to be some kind of "who wins .." game, but this is wrong!

Everything that happens in our life happens for us, these are our lessons. A lesson has come to you on the ability to love, give, give warmth, attention, affection and care. And this also requires mental strength. Building relationships is also work. Building relationships from the female side is a daily and round-the-clock work.
Maria! You don't have to blame yourself; you have the right to decide how you live. If you are in the mood, listen to the lectures of O. G. Tosunov about a happy family life, R. Narushevich about the relationship between a man and a woman (they are freely available).
Love and wisdom to you.
If you need help and a desire to figure it out, please contact us for advice. I will be happy to help you.

Psychologist Nikulina Marina, Saint-Petersburg. Full-time consultations, skype

Good answer 5 Bad answer 0

Maria, did you definitely decide that the family should look like this? Those requirements that you make to yourself - are they exactly what your family needs? Have you become hostage to your own nagging and someone else's picture of family life?


I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness

A person needs loneliness and personal space in marriage too. You just need to talk about this with your partner and determine how much time you need for yourself and your loneliness. Who told you that a family is when people are constantly glued to each other? When glued, it is addiction.

Have you ever just lived your life? Perhaps you often force yourself to follow some goals, and perhaps even you need these goals, but they could be achieved more calmly, more slowly, with less demands on yourself, as they say, "without being driven" .... Who makes you all the time to chase something and to correspond to something? Constantly running and living in tension?

The family is a place where a person can be YOURSELF. Think - what exactly does your husband not accept in you? Or maybe you do not accept it in yourself? You force yourself to conform to the image of the "ideal wife", but you do not like this image in your soul. And that in a family you can be yourself - this was not taught. And it turns out "either to be perfect and to be driven constantly" or "burn it with all the blue flame, I want to be always alone." And what about the middle, what do you think?


And I don't care if it's right or wrong.

Perhaps everything that is happening now is a protest against correctness, against "how it should be", etc.? But that doesn't have to mean "give it up". I think you should first figure out where inside you "how it should be" and where "how I want", and perhaps in your "how I want" there will still be a place for relationships.

Think about how all these "right" things form in our heads: http://psyhelp24.org/choice/


and in every possible way entertained / sought me (and as a result, all the friends / relatives from such a fairy tale nodded in his direction - this is him! He !! Loves !!! He wants a family !! Everything for you !!! And it's time for you to get married, after all age!!..

If you understand that you got married only under the pressure of your family and the very "correct" way of life, then yes, you can hardly live with this person for a long time and seriously, because it was not YOU who chose him, but someone else for you.


And one more thing: the stumbling block may be the fact that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want children anymore! (I wanted to, I don’t want ... horror!) ..

Perhaps you also wanted children because it was "right", but as soon as it began to fail, your psyche began to show you that, in fact, there is no such desire yet ...

In general, this mechanism is quite well-known: first, a person is taught "how to live correctly", he begins to believe in it, and then conflicts begin inside: it seems, he lives "how to live", and instead of joy there is only pain and suffering inside ... And it turns out that you need to find out what exactly you need.

And to find out, you need to learn to listen to yourself.

http://psyhelp24.org/kak-nauchitsya-chuvstvovat/ - how feelings are involved

http://psyhelp24.org/dushevnaya-bol/ - how people drive themselves into a corner with plans and expectations

http://psyhelp24.org/mne-len-ya-ne-hochu/ how to distinguish your "want" from someone else's "need"

Perhaps you, realizing yourself at least in the first approximation, look at your marriage differently. And perhaps you will decide to stop playing the role if there was nothing but the role.

I just want to say that personal space does not imply a rejection of relationships, and the relationships themselves are built only the way the TWO want and no one has the right to impose on them how to be a family and what rules to introduce there.

But with whom and when you will build such a relationship in which nothing will "choke" you and you will feel yourself and be free - this, apparently, can only be decided by yourself.

Best regards, Nesvitsky A.M., skype consultations

Good answer 2 Bad answer 0

 

It might be useful to read: