How to stop worrying about someone else's opinion. High self-esteem or how not to pay attention to others. Impact of addiction on human life

No matter how independent we are, the opinion of others is still important to us. This opinion can greatly affect our lives if you pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth it to constantly look back at everyone? The main thing to remember is that you should not worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. Nobody says that you need to give up everything and do what you want. Listen to the opinions of people who are important to you, think it over and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is also not always right. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help get rid of it.

People don't pay attention to you as often as you think.

People around you, for the most part, are passionate about their affairs and concerns. They have a life of their own, which worries them much more than yours. If your interests and views overlap in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what others are wearing? Is their shirt dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her pantyhose? I bet you either don't think about it at all, or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So others do the same.

It shouldn't worry you

What others think of you is only their business. This should not concern you in any way. Even if you find out someone's opinion of yourself, it still won't make you a different person and won't change your life, in most cases. The opinion of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become dominant in your life. And this should not happen. You cannot control the opinion of others, so do not pay such attention to it and focus on yourself.

You are unique like no other

Remember this once and for all. Don't adapt to those around you. The moment you let this house of advice into your head, you stop being yourself. Only there are many people around you, but you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in pursuit of society, you will give rise to Frankenstein, which, at least a little, but everyone likes.

Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. Exactly the same cannot be found. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then the people around you will start to respect you.

Why do you listen to them anyway

Will your life change dramatically if someone disagrees with you or says that you are saying something wrong? Are you ready to change every time someone says that you are doing everything wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, then just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark in your direction will excite you for no more than an hour, then all this is empty.

You are clearly not a telepathic person

If you do not have any superpowers and the magic ball does not show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking. If you are an ordinary person, how do you know what is going on in the minds of others? The only problem is that you think that all the thoughts of people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smells of something unhealthy, isn't it? Don't worry about the opinions of others until you've learned to read their minds.

Be honest with yourself and live in the present.

It depends only on you how you will feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and excitement at the thought that society will not approve of your action? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry about someone commenting on you in the past, or that people will think badly of you. Live in the here and now and do not look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Only in this way can you be happy. Only in this way will you understand that each person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.

Surround yourself with people who will accept you

It's great when you have friends who agree with you and support you in any endeavor, even if your family is against it. Remember that to maintain physical and mental health, you must choose: either to give up your dream on the advice of others, or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your own path.

People around you also care about public opinion

You are not paranoid and you are not alone. The people around you also care about what people think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, you put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you have done what this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want to return you from heaven to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives of the actions of others.

Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also care about criticism, they are also not perfect. There are no perfect people who are never wrong. It's just that someone, once stumbling, stops for life, and someone, stepping over their mistake, follows their dream. Let public opinion not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish hibernate.

Are you dependent on the opinions of others?

Many people cannot even imagine how strong the reflex is to look back at others. Try asking even a small audience to do something. You will see the majority will look around: are the others doing? who is doing? how does? what will they think? In any endeavor, this reaction is most often triggered first - to look back at others.

It is not easy for those who constantly ask themselves questions that remain unanswered: "What will they think of me?", "Will I like me if I am myself?" And this takes up a lot of energy. In this article, we will consider how to stop depending on other people's opinions and not reckon with them, as well as how to gain self-confidence.

Accepting yourself for who you are

One of the most frequent questions at trainings is: "How to get rid of sensitivity to what others will think of you?"

Is it necessary to do this at all? Man is a collective, not a solitary being. His life takes place in various relationships. Therefore, it is good if the opinion of the environment matters to you. On the contrary, sensitivity in this way is a very useful and powerful feeling. The main thing is not to create an enemy out of her that will oppress her all my life. Experts in the field of psychology argue that in order to get rid of addiction, you need to direct its power in the right direction, learn how to use it for good.

What desires are hidden behind the fear of judgment? Like it? Save a relationship? Feeling good? All this applies exclusively to positive and beautiful motives! Therefore, first you need to turn to your true aspirations, think about what you really want.

You just have to remind yourself more often: there is no anomaly in this. Anyone can feel the fear of judgment. For any person, the opinion of his environment is important.

Thanks to this sensitivity, you are capable of empathy, you can feel what others are experiencing. And empathy is great! Therefore, do not seek to get rid of the fear of judgment. Try to love the part of yourself that is so sensitive to the opinions of others.

Any famous person, any star in show business, cinema or sports, can experience a fear of disapproval. Even Olympic champions, successful businessmen, artists, actors all have it. Only some to a greater extent, and some to a lesser extent. But they wield the tools with which they transform their fear.

Relaxation

Want to keep the opinions of others in check? The stronger the desire, the more your head will be occupied with unnecessary thoughts. You can't be yourself. The environment will reject you, and you will reject yourself too. Relax!

We start with the body: exhale and “dump” with your hands down. As you exhale, release the desire for control. You need to stop making a "good impression" outside. Instead, it is necessary to return to yourself inside, that is, to move from impressing others to manifesting yourself. Impression to expression (from imitation to expression).

And if at this moment it seems to you that something bad has happened, you should not reproach yourself. Later you will understand: even this was correct. The right one for you!

Resignation to your own self

Only your authenticity will allow you to attract the right people into life, “your” people, and stop being afraid of the opinions of others and be dependent. Want to be like someone else? What could be worse than “I am no longer me”? Understand that wanting to be someone else erases your self. And when it disappears, it can no longer be either with you or with others.

Authenticity is the best gift! When you are sincere, only those people who like you the way you are are attracted. They certainly won't be able to turn their backs on you for who you really are. Since it was these qualities that attracted them.

But those who love your "ostentatious" qualities, then they will be able to hate for deception. In this case, it is better to hate yourself for who you really are. This is at least what it deserves.

Authenticity gives freedom. Vulnerability appears, but there is nothing to lose. Taking a step towards oneself, towards vulnerability, there is a recognition of one's own imperfections and an improvement in well-being.

It's not scary, even if you have someone to lose. Only those people who are “not the same,” not yours, will leave. This will happen because love has not been and will not be. It is impossible to love only one side of a person. This feeling is holistic: both to your light and to darkness.

Become a source of inspiration

Striving to be loved is a manifestation of selfishness. A person thinks only of his own person, seeking the love of the environment.

The desire to inspire is the opposite side of egocentrism. Direct your aspirations to help others, become a source of inspiration.

Someone may think: I have nothing to inspire, I am one continuous imperfection. Yes, everyone can be wrong. But even such moments can serve as an example for someone. If you look inward, you can only see your own, suffering from a slip of the ego. But it is worth directing your gaze to others, make sure that for someone you are a hero.

Remember, superheroes always have at least one flaw: Achilles is the heel, Superman is kryptonite. There is not a single film where the hero has no weaknesses at all. Nobody would watch them, because the viewer will not be able to identify with himself, he will not feel empathy.

It turns out that in order to become someone's role model, you just need to be imperfect. So be it, inspire!

You should not get attached to a positive reaction, positive reviews. If they start to mean a lot, then the negative will surely begin not only to cling, but also to hurt.

Anything positive is not considered a problem; it is not customary to complain about good things.

Often people are attached to positive assessments, and they give special value to those who consider them beautiful, extraordinary, and kind. But if the significance of one pole increases, the other will be more significant.

Therefore, the desire to free oneself from the fear of condemnation also implies getting rid of the addiction to praise. That is, it should not matter to you whether you are loved or not.


It happens that you say to yourself: “today you were the coolest”, “you did a great job”, slightly exaggerating your success, with the intention of being above others in your own eyes for at least a few seconds. Life immediately indicates with a beautiful light kick where you belong - on a par with the rest. But you wanted to rise above others, so you have to dip in the mud. This is necessary to restore balance. Indeed, in fact, in every person there is as much miraculous as disgusting. Everyone keeps the unity of opposites.

Therefore, you will have to free yourself not only from shame and fear of condemnation, but also from a sense of self-importance in the sense of superiority over others.

Self-determination

If a person cannot decide who he is, determine his value, others will do it for him. Try to tell someone who does not recognize his worth that he is mediocrity, and this label will be fixed in his mind.

If a person defines himself, then the place in consciousness has already been taken. Where the big letters “I AM SUPER” do not fit “mediocrity”. Therefore, you do not need to wait for others to stick a label on you, have time to decide for yourself.

Focus on what's important

Think, is it really important for you to seek someone's love at any cost? Try to focus on what really matters. Move your desires from the sector I want to “have” to I want to “become”. When it becomes more important, your actions are directed towards achieving this goal. Everything around changes, appears in a different light. Feeling free from other people's opinions. What matters is not what people think of you, but who you will become.

In this case, criticism in your direction will help develop. Criticizing people will stimulate your love for yourself to work on your mistakes. This will inevitably lead to personal growth. So take criticism with gratitude.

Focus on simple things that will help you feel free. You can become happy by helping other people. For example, to give useful, high-quality information in the form of texts, videos. Every small action will change you. Don't strive to be the best, give the best. This is something that you can and accurately control. Even one happy person will give you more positive emotions and self-confidence.

By attuning to the long-term, there comes a realization that criticism is more beneficial than praise. And that means goodbye to the addiction to approvals!

Liberation

The more you can focus on personal freedom, the better you will feel. And only you can determine for yourself: how to dress, what to say, what to do, where to go. It is your free choice that you will accept without fear of what others will think. The difference will be immediately noticeable.

How can you "score" on other people's opinions and conversations about yourself in order to get rid of shyness? How to ignore others and be confident in yourself? It's simple. Step away from your appearance. It doesn't matter what clothes you wear, what you do, what you think about. Stop paying attention to the views of the people around you and learn to focus on the feeling that you are an adult, confident person.

Don't look for signs of approval and support from passers-by. You don't care what they think of you when they look in your direction, because there is already self-confidence inside. Feelings of success and self-sufficiency have a positive effect on a person's confidence.

What matters is how you think of yourself, feel! If: "I am a cool, worthy person!", Then they already begin to absolutely do not care about the opinions of other people.


You need to start supporting and approving yourself. Otherwise, you can wait all your life for outside support and compliments. To do this, you need to shift your focus from other people's opinions to your own: “Who am I? What I feel? Do I like myself? "

Straighten your shoulders, back. Now what are the sensations? Praise yourself, your beauty, success, without taking into account how you look now - only self-awareness is important. Stop looking for a positive reaction from the environment - you already have all the beauty and self-sufficiency.

Every person is different. We all differ in vision of life, appearance, psychology, opinions, views. But everyone is able to change the world for the better if he learns to respect others, their choice, if he looks after himself, if he stops listening only to others. Now you know how to get rid of dependence on the opinions of other people. Do what your heart tells you to do. And never stop on your chosen path!


You face misunderstandings and judgments every day. People will always be interested in you, try to change you, remake you for themselves. Performing certain actions in his life, a person subconsciously brings them to the public. Everyone wants to get approval from friends, work colleagues or just acquaintances with whom they have little in common. When you give in to the opinions of others, you shackle yourself, do not allow yourself to be liberated and do what you really want. In this article, you will find advice and reasoning that in the future will help you to stop depending on other people's opinions, to be liberated and live freely.

Reasons for dependence on someone else's opinion

It is difficult to stop depending on public opinion, but it is quite possible. Initially, it is worth understanding the reasons for this dependence. Some of the reasons are:

  1. A person constantly experiences a sense of imperfection when looking at others. This may relate to appearance, material well-being or personal life;
  2. Competition is present in any society and everyone wants to take first place, even if he denies it in every possible way;
  3. During the formation of the psyche in adolescence, the future personality has certain stereotypes and ideas about a good life in the head. In a more adult age, a person begins to unconsciously give assessments according to these criteria, both to himself and to those around him.

Addiction breeds fear

In relation to society, people have several types of fear:

  • fear of negative assessment;
  • fear of not being accepted in the new society;
  • fear of attention deficit in society.

Such fears can lead a person to social anxiety.

How to stop depending on other people's opinions


Most of us are very dependent on the opinions of others, and this circumstance often spoils our life. Someone is trying to adjust, changing their minds under the influence of the environment. Others silently tolerate negative statements, but they suffer greatly and depend on other people's opinions, self-esteem decreases and, as a result, neuroses and a depressive state arise. How not to depend on someone else's opinion? What do I need to do?

Divide all people according to their importance for yourself:

  • people whose opinion is very important to us and who are really worth listening to;
  • people whose opinion is worth considering sometimes;
  • people who mean nothing to you.

Life is such that we constantly hear opinions about any event. And there is a huge amount of opinions, each has its own, it is impossible to simply physically listen to each, especially if these opinions are unpleasant for us and interfere with our life. It is very important to be able to understand people in order to understand whether it is worth listening to them.

Separate the wheat from the chaff

From each opinion you need to extract only the useful, and throw the rest of the garbage out of your head! The main thing is not to let others ruin your life with their opinions. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me" - English proverb.

Already know that you are a cool, beautiful and worthy person! This leads to the idea that it doesn't matter what other people think of you. The main thing is what you think of yourself and how you feel!

You don't want to live all the time waiting for someone's support or a compliment to you? Then start supporting and approving yourself. Shift the focus of your thoughts from what others think of you to what you think of yourself and how you feel. Do you like yourself? Straighten your back, how do you feel now? Cheer yourself up, tell yourself that you are beautiful and successful, no matter how you look now (after all, it is not your clothes that determines your status, but your sense of self). Stop looking for approval in the views of others. Let them evaluate themselves. And you already know that you are beautiful and self-sufficient, even if your appearance suggests something else.

Conclusion

All people, of course, are very different from each other. They all see the world differently, they have different looks, psychology, opinions and views. Maybe our world will become a better place when we learn to respect the choices of others and try to take care of ourselves and not the activities of others. Never stop on the way, think and do as your heart tells you. Happiness and inspiration!


Are you used to constantly worrying about what might be thought of you? Sometimes this anxiety develops into fear and painful dependence on someone else's assessment? Can't you get rid of someone else's hostile comment in your address? I have good news for you. There is a simple technique that will allow you to quickly don't give a damn about someone else's opinion of you.

No, this does not mean turning into a brute that does not take into account the opinions of others and does what he wants. This means eliminating unnecessary and unnecessary anxiety about the negative assessment of others, which, believe me, any person in life has to deal with.

In this article, I will not offer 35 miraculous ways to stop worrying about someone else's opinion, which you will forget within 10 minutes after reading. I will not tell you that you do not always control the opinion of others about your person. I will not write whole paragraphs about how other people’s impressions of you can be biased, subject to instant addictions. I'm not going to convince you that most people are fixated on themselves, and they often do not care about you. Some of these tips are too obvious, despite the fact that they are correct, while others have repeatedly understood in my articles, for example,.

"The 100 Psychological Tips You've Read in the Books Are Not Working With Social Stress."

Many people already know that you need to strive to be yourself, forgetting what others think. They are perfectly aware of the fact that other people can think whatever they want, projecting their personal complexes and fears into the outside world, evaluating everyone through their muddy prism. Nevertheless, all this knowledge is shattered by the first acts of social interaction: a business meeting, a friendly party - whatever. “What if I’m an uninteresting interlocutor?”, “And if she decided that I was stupid?”, “Probably everyone thought that I was a boring bore”... The 100 Psychological Tips You've Read In The Books Are Not Effective In Cases Of Social Stress.

Therefore, in this article, without unnecessary prefaces, I will give only one single simple techniquethat you can try right away to stop worrying about the opinion of another person. You can apply it anytime you face social anxiety. This technique will help someone overcome it. And thanks to her, someone will learn a lot of new things about himself, resolve his long-standing fears and contradictions, learn to accept himself as he is. This is pure practice, not theory. And it will take you a little longer than it takes to accumulate saliva in your mouth and spit it out.

Description of technique

So so. Let's imagine a standard scenario of anxiety due to someone else's opinion. In a conversation with that pretty girl, you hesitated and worried, not interested in her fascinating conversations and clever reasoning. And now you worry that she might think that you are a bore, and have an idea of \u200b\u200bonly commonplace things.

What do most people start to do in this situation? To act intuitively, which in fact does not lead to any result. They meticulously go over all the events and dialogues in their heads, trying to remember those moments when they found themselves in a favorable light in front of others: "Perhaps not everything is so bad, and I managed to seem smart and educated?" But this tactic failed initially. All these endless arguments with oneself, attempts at complacency only increase anxiety. And to get rid of it, you have to do something exactly the opposite of that.

So, set aside at least five minutes of free time. Try it now. Get your thoughts in order. You can take several full and slow breaths in and out. Or a couple of minutes.

And after that, do what you least want to do: imagine in your mind that the person whose opinion you are worried about has already thought the worst of you.Moreover, imagine it as if it really happened.

"She has already decided that I am a complete dumbass", "They all realized that I am absolutely not an interesting and boring interlocutor." Here it is important not to feel sorry for yourself, take it to the extreme: "These people now think I'm just a complete idiot."

Here you probably read and were horrified. Many of you have decided that this is the worst advice you can give a person in such a situation. And so self-esteem is "lame", and we finish it even further, trampling it deep into the mud. But no, friends, do not rush to close the article, now I will explain why and how it works.
Please pay a little attention and follow your train of thought. The information will be a little "revealing", and I don't want to lose you.

The swan song of our conceit

Where does this plaintive song of offended conceit come from? A superficial observer will say: "This anxiety arises when our expectations about how we should look in the representations of other people (what Freud calls the superego, representations of the" ideal self ") do not correspond to reality."

I will answer such a superficial observer the following: “Well, I see you are very smart, but you did not take into account one simple thing: this anxiety appears if our expectations about what we should be do not correspond to our ideas about the opinions of other people. And this opinion is again based on their personal subjective ideas about us. "

Everyone understands so well that other people's thoughts about us do not always correspond to reality. But our idea of \u200b\u200btheir opinion also does not correspond to what they actually think. And their idea of \u200b\u200bus, in turn, is also not true!

Probably already confused. But now I will explain.

It turns out that anxiety due to the opinions of others is a discrepancy between one illusion (the superego, the illusion of the “idealized self” to the image in society that we are trying to create) with another illusion, which is based on yet another illusion! And in short, friends, what the hell! Illusion on illusion and illusion drives!

We have fantasized for ourselves how we should look in the eyes of other people and get upset when it seems to us that others refuse to believe in our personal fantasies!

Moreover, this pile of illusions gives rise to a very real anxiety, because of which people choose professions they do not like, communicate with persons they do not like, live a life that they do not like! The scale of this disaster is colossal. And all because of some kind of illusion, moreover, an illusion in a cube!

The exercise I have taught you is not meant to drown you in self-criticism. Its job is to destroy in one fell swoop this house of cards of concern that you have erected in your mind. It is like cold water that pours over your head and makes you wake up. I called this technique "lightning" because, like an instant, bright flash, it disperses the darkness of the illusion, like a lightning bolt hits the very heart of your anxiety.

All these great tips about being yourself, that other people's opinion of you is concentrated only in their head and is only their own business, cease to be some kind of theory for you. They become pure experience, a direct experience of the heart, not the mind!

How does it work?

One of my biggest discoveries in dealing with fear and anxiety is the fact that we are usually afraid of a certain probabilistic event that may or may not have happened. Usually such experiences begin with the words: "What if?" But when we perceive an event as something that has already happened with 100% probability,. Because our consciousness shifts from a mode of fantasizing about a non-existent phenomenon (or existing only potentially) into a mode of constructive planning of actions about what happened in fact. "This has already happened, what am I going to do about it?" This, you see, sets you up for a constructive mood.

And when you grudgingly decided that some people have already thought the worst about you, you begin to think of it as an accomplished phenomenon: "What's next?"

You notice that as soon as coldly accept this fact, everything appeared in a completely different light! You observe that your reaction to this bitter thought was not as terrible as you initially imagined it to be. "Well, we thought and thought, so what next?" - you argue more calmly.

The fear and anxiety that you experienced just a couple of minutes ago may seem ridiculous from the height of that exaggerated extreme that you have deliberately created in your mind. You didn’t feel sorry for yourself, trying to soften the tone, but hacked right from the shoulder: "Yes, she 100% decided that I was just a complete jerk."... This technique immediately shows that others think of you is not at all the same as what you think of yourself ( "Of course I don't consider myself a complete jerk.").

(Painful dependence on someone else's opinion occurs, including the fact that we begin to identify the opinion of us with what we are for ourselves... We, as Nietzsche used to say, are trying to convince people that we are good, smart, noble, so that later we can believe in this opinion! Therefore, when others think badly of us, we may feel that we are really bad. The trick I described above helps us sharply distinguish between the two. It is like a hammer that breaks an illusory identity.)

Moreover, this approach helps to immediately see the obvious limited subjectivity of someone else's assessment of your person. Let's say you admit that someone could think the most terrible things about you, for example, that you are the lowest and meanest person in the world and deserve fiery Gehenna. But you understand: no matter how terrible other people's thoughts about you, these are just other people's thoughts, the fantasy of others... Yes, this is understandable. But through this exercise, you understand it on a deep, emotional level, at a level that allows you to make this truth your experience and practice.

Yes, someone thought horrible things about you.

So what? Indeed, so what? You never know what people think of you! You can't please everyone! That's right, you can't please everyone. But only now your mind is ready like a sponge to absorb this truth and dissolve in itself.

Self-esteem is nonsense

The goal and purpose of this approach is neither self-deprecation nor self-praise. His goal is to learn to accept what is. I was always a little puzzled by the question

Much more important questions for me are "how to get better" and. Each of us is a person with a set of advantages and disadvantages. We can remove some disadvantages, and develop some advantages. With other qualities, alas, we cannot do anything, it remains to accept it. What does it have to do with how we evaluate ourselves? We are who we are. And a person who does not know how to accept himself must learn this, that's all. His self-esteem has nothing to do with it.

Self-esteem can be the leverage other people push to control you through criticism or flattery. She can become a thorn that causes burning shame and nervous anxiety about the opinions of others.

The exercise in this article teaches you to accept yourself. Why? Because in your mind you have already made the worst that a person could think of you. Therefore, you already easily accept something that is not so terrible, but more realistic. "The man thought of me that I was very boring." Either it’s true, or it’s not true, or both. Most often it happens both. “Yes, of course, I'm not the most boring person. There are people who are not bored with me. But I must admit that I do not have the skill to communicate on topics that are not interesting to me. " So what? Is the tragedy great? I think people in their lives face much bigger problems than realizing their inability to participate in small talk.

Self-criticism and self-praise take away any room for maneuver.You either fixate on gnawing at yourself, or revel in your brilliance in society. I don't want to do anything. But acceptance opens up room for action, oddly enough. Let's say you accept the idea that you are not the most brilliant conversationalist. What's next? Then you can either develop communication skills if they are important to you, or forget about them if they are not important. What is the use of worrying.

"We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not play and are unable to play any role in our lives."

Often, in the pursuit of recognition from other people, we forget what really matters to us. We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not play and are unable to play any role in our lives. Why are we doing this? Sometimes for the notorious self-esteem bloat. Sometimes striving for universal admiration for us becomes something like a competition, victories in which should remind us of our dignity and brilliance. And sometimes we just do it out of inertia: since we started to seek someone's friendship, we continue to do it, despite all the failures.

But once we finally achieve this, we cease to appreciate it, although sudden failures on the social front, acts of someone else's disapproval can still demoralize us greatly. We cease to value the love and respect of those people who value us for who we are, whose location we do not need to achieve with all our might: our close friends, relatives, while desperately seeking a benevolent assessment of some random colleagues at work.

This magic exercise allows you to stop and ask yourself: "Hey wait, is this opinion really that important to me?"

But what if it turned out to be really important? The person who is very important to you does not reciprocate your affection for him, your claims of friendship with him? If it really upsets you a lot, then it's completely normal. We are human and we tend to get upset about these things. Accept this pain with all your heart with gratitude, because it will make you stronger. Do not try to deny it and drive away from yourself. Let it be. Carry it with you for a while, if necessary. But not mournfully dropping his head, but solemnly and proudly - like a banner, like a noble sign of distinction. And then it will pass. After all, everything passes. People who will painfully disappoint you will undoubtedly be, you can't get away from this. But let such people be as few as possible in your life.

26.01.2015 00:59:21

We worry very often what will others think of us, as it is directly related to our perception of ourselves as a person.

Are you worried about the opinions of others?

Worrying about the opinions of others lowers self-confidence, and this leads to a number of unpleasant factors:

  1. You begin to behave in the way others expect of you, thereby hiding your personality. You may feel that you are denying yourself the right to live your life.
  2. It is difficult for you to act judiciously in stressful situations, because you constantly care about what others think. This leads to the fact that you can often make mistakes and regret later about your actions.
  3. Talking in public becomes a nightmare for you. You try to focus on the audience, not your presentation. The attention of people makes you nervous and uncomfortable when, on the contrary, you should be calm and focused.
  4. You start making decisions based on other people's expectations and ignoring your own dreams and feelings. Because of this, there is a feeling of incompleteness in life, depressive moods appear, which you aggravate by continuing to blame yourself for everything.

How do you get yourself to stop worrying so much about the ratings of others? To do this, try the following steps:

  1. Ask yourself why you care so much about the opinions of others: are you looking for someone else's approval because you yourself lack confidence in yourself?
  2. Train your self-confidence. This is the only way you can trust your own thoughts and care less about the opinions of others.
  3. Learn to say no, because it's important to be able to prioritize.
  4. Make a list of the things you love in life and set yourself a goal to achieve them. Don't let other people tell you exactly what and how you should do it.
  5. If you catch yourself wondering what someone else is saying or thinking about you, stop immediately and sort out your feelings. Prioritize, decide whose opinion is most important to you: yours or other people.

Remember, there is no reason to worry about what others think of you. Thoughts in themselves are harmless. They can only harm if you let them.

Often, our choices - for example, choosing a job, choosing something that does not correspond to the norms of our environment - and our actions are limited due to the fear of judgment and criticism from other people. This phenomenon is a serious problem for many of us. Therefore, in this article we will look at effective ways to how to ignore what others think.

Why we pay attention to other people's opinions

Sometimes useful pay attention to the opinions of others... The part of our consciousness that is afraid of condemnation often protects us from bad deeds. If we didn’t care about those around us, we could, for example, run naked in the shops, after which we would probably be considered crazy and sent for treatment. Agree, sometimes this is a very useful protective function of our consciousness.

Someone else's opinion - The reason why we pay attention to someone else's opinion - it is that our perception of ourselves is based on the good or bad judgments of other people about us.

Since we think that part of our personality is how others see us (funny, “cool”, confident, shy), we strive to protect this component so that our personality does not suffer.

However, your personality is not what others think of you, it is… it is just yourself. And if you are doing something that makes you feel guilty, then you should pay attention to it.

Stop paying attention to what other people think

Hardly possible at all stop paying attention to the opinions of others - unless, of course, you develop schizophrenia. It is also unlikely that their opinion is only harmful. We are social creatures, and the reaction of others to our actions (for example, if we behave very stupidly) helps us understand that we could behave more correctly.

But the problem of excessive anxiety and dependence on the opinions of others remains relevant for thousands of people.

It is the problem of "excessive" unjustified worry about what others will think of us - that is the main problem for us.

Determining the criteria and boundaries of justified concern is the key to success and overcoming the complex of excessive concern about the opinions of others.

By solving this problem, many of us would remove from ourselves all those restrictions that really are obstacles to a full and interesting life.

Imagine how much the world would change if we could all start doing the things we really want to do, become the people we want to be, and live the way we want to live. Imagine how much the world would change if we could all participate in its creation ... and this is actually the purpose of existence.

The question arises: how not to depend on someone else's opinion?

How to learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others?

Form a value system

First and foremost. You need to know what is important to you, what you truly value, what your true goals are. Once you understand who you are and what matters to you, you will feel that the opinion of others has become less important to you.

Having certain values, you will have what to stand for, what to believe in. You stop saying “yes” every time, you learn to say “no” to what goes against what you are striving for and what you stand for ...

If you do not break the law, do not threaten your health and do not cause physical or mental harm to others, then what you are doing is quite acceptable and permissible - so do not think about what others think of you, you are doing what you need and how you it is necessary, and the opinion of others is just their point of view - and often not correct.

And more often than not, others do not care about you! AT ALL!!!

I really want you to fix this simple thought that will help you become a freer person - the people around you do not care about you!

When you walk into the street, meet passers-by, catch an accidental glance at you - you may think that you are being judged, you are being judged, you are not understood! It is quite possible that it is, BUT! A man passed you by, and he forgot about you! In our head, so many thoughts rush in a second of time that we are simply not able to think about something for a long time.

We are the center only for ourselves. And so for each person he is the center himself, and the people around him absolutely do not care how you look, what you dress, how you behave. The people around you will only take a quick glance and after a couple of seconds they will forget about you, and you can drag your worries in yourself for months, weeks, years. In order to stop suffering and look for a solution to the question of how to stop paying attention to the opinions of other people, just let each person have their own opinion, and give yourself inner freedom!

1. Stop making up problems

If your every action is accompanied by thoughts " what will others think?”, Then you should know: you are not the navel of the earth, at least for those around you. Chances are, most of the time, you think people are judging you when they really don't care. You yourself do not form a detailed opinion about every person you meet, do you?

The best way to test this is to try going a little outside the box and doing something a little different from you and see how other people react. Most likely, only your friends and acquaintances will pay attention to your actions and comment, while outsiders will not care.

2. Surround yourself with professionals

Surround yourself with people who are confident in themselves and in what they are doing, who live what they believe in. Such people will quickly bring your true self into the light.

3. Put the situation in perspective

To people who never think about what others will say about them, this problem may seem strange or far-fetched. The fact is that as soon as you begin to look closely at such "problems", you immediately realize that they are not worth such attention.

We only live once, and are you ready to let other people's thoughts ruin your life?

That would be silly, wouldn't you agree?

Along with the fact that life is one and too short to worry about such things, there is another reason. ignore the opinions of others: their views change over time.

Suppose at some point in time people taunt you for wearing yellow sneakers. You decide - this was the last time you put them on and you will never wear them again. What if the opinion of the person who laughed at you changes and he starts wearing yellow shoes? Will you wear your sneakers again?

Or another example of dependence on someone else's opinion: a high school student was bullied because of his long hair, but after six months the fashion for haircuts changed and many guys in the class (including those who mocked him) grew long hair themselves.

People change their minds, and what they think of you at the moment may not matter in the future. You are not going to wait for the fashion to change so that only people can consider you modern and cool? We hope that these examples will help you understand the situation and put things in perspective. You shouldn't depend on someone else's opinion!

4. Be confident

It seems that in almost any situation we are not indifferent to the attitude of others. So how not to depend on someone else's opinion? Maybe we should try to reduce the cases when we think about the judgment from the outside? That's quite possible. The point is simply to be more confident in your decisions and actions.

Have you ever seen a person who, for example, dressed in some strange way or behaved differently, and would be normally perceived and not judged?

If you put on yellow shoes and you feel uncomfortable wearing them, then people will understand this and choose you as an object of ridicule - because they feel your awkwardness and, most likely, they will want to assert themselves in this way at your expense.

However, if you walk proudly and confidently in these boots, completely oblivious to other people's comments, then you will see that most (if not all) people would not even consider taunting you. Thus, your dependence on other people's opinions will be minimal.

5. Learn to control your feelings.

As soon as you begin to overcome your constraints or just try to become more self-confidentno doubt - you will immediately begin to overcome a variety of feelings, ranging from stress, anxiety and fear, right up to relief and joy. This state can be like a true roller coaster; it is very important to be able to cope with such an influx of emotions.

Here are some simple steps to help you with this:

  • Be aware of what kind of feeling you are currently experiencing - for example, fear or anxiety
  • Watch your emotions
  • Note that because you are observing your emotions, they are no longer a part of you.
  • Watch these emotions disappear

Once you can observe your emotions and feelings, you can separate yourself from them, then it will be easier for you to deal with them. And you will learn to ignore the opinions of others.

6. Accept yourself for who you are

If you constantly judge yourself, then you will undoubtedly think that those around you are also far from the best opinion of you. Oftentimes, the main reason for this is self-created beliefs that something is wrong with you. Accepting yourself is not easy, but it does help solve the problem.

First of all, think about what you don't like about yourself, and write it down point by point on paper. Now, look at these points and see if you can change any of them. For example, if you are thin and don't like it, think about ways you can gain weight and gain weight. However, if you would like to be taller, you cannot change that. In such cases, consider what could be worse. So, if your height is 170 cm and you do not like him, think about what it would be like for you if you were two meters or even 150 cm. Your height may not be ideal, but there are people with more “imperfect” height ...

But such things help only for a while, if you constantly seek out shortcomings from others or think about what else to change in yourself, then it will be very difficult for you to accept yourself as you are.

As time goes on, you will begin to realize how insignificant the things that you previously worried about turned out to be, you begin to take everything easier and stop worrying about trifles.

7. Decide on your goals in life

A person who does not know what he wants from life is constantly confused in a series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so the said phrase by a familiar person is perceived as a kind of call for action. If you are worried about a negative opinion about a potential action, think about what you like and what not about it, which negative properties you can close your eyes to, and which are especially important. After you decide, think about the words of the interlocutor: is the information that he tells you is so important?

8. Travel alone

If you are thirsty for complete personal trans-formation, combining all of the above-mentioned-number-points, - travel to one -night. Traveling in a friend's company can be much more fun, only it will not allow you to leave your comfort zone.
And traveling alone at night will confront you with new cultures, break down social norms, about the existence of which you will not even guess d-wa-were. All of this will ultimately burst the little bubble of conventions, fears and uncertainty in which you existed.

Take only the necessary mini-mum, off the chemo-dany, the usual ryuk-zak behind the back will be enough. No plans, no preliminary studies, one way ticket - let things go their way. Trust me, you won't regret it.
At first, it may not be easy, the main thing is not to lose heart. The ability to feel comfortable even under certain conditions will develop with you over time. The main thing is to start!

9. Overcome fear

Over time, you will begin to realize how insignificant things you previously worried about turned out to be, you will begin to take everything easier and stop worrying about trifles. The realization that you are no longer dependent on what the other person said does not come immediately. Perhaps it will take a month, or even a year, before you catch yourself thinking that the opinion of another person is just his thought and point of view, which has a right to exist, you can listen to it, but it is not a guide to action.

10. Make a Growth List

In general, “Growth list” means a list of things that make you feel discomfort. These are your fears, lack of confidence, everything that causes you fear. Fix-si-ro-vav on paper all your hidden fears, start one after another to translate them into reality.

The hardest thing will be with the first point. With each new achievement, it will be easier and easier for you. This is the exercise of your miracles. It is difficult to find a simpler and more efficient way to get out of the comfort zone. You can honor all the books in the world on how to be confident in yourself, but without taking any action, you will be like a person who is a pro-person, how to ride a bicycle-si-ped, but never sat on it.

Understand for yourself that you can only guess about the thoughts of other people and, perhaps, be completely wrong. Why are you letting this guess affect you?

Take it for granted that people are always thinking something.

But what they think depends more on them than on you. A good person will see only good in you, while a bad person can find flaws even in a perfect person.

The best way to cope with addiction to other people's opinions is to try to change your mindset and focus on different (more important) areas of your own life, rather than constantly worrying about what others will think of you. Life is too short to waste time on empty experiences.

 

It might be helpful to read: