How to stop worrying about other people's opinions. High self-esteem or how not to pay attention to others. The impact of addiction on a person's life

No matter how independent we are, the opinion of others is still important to us. This opinion can greatly affect our lives if we pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth it to constantly look back at everyone? The main thing to remember is not to worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. No one says that you need to score on everything and do what you want. Listen to the opinions of people important to you, think about it, and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is also not always right. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help get rid of it.

People don't pay as much attention to you as you think.

People around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which excites them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what others are wearing? Are their shirts dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her pantyhose? I bet you either don't think about it at all, or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So the people around you do the same.

It shouldn't worry you

What others think of you is their business. It shouldn't concern you in any way. Even if you learn someone's opinion about yourself, it still won't make you a different person or change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. And this shouldn't happen. You cannot control the opinions of others, so do not pay such attention to them and focus on yourself.

You are unique like no other

Remember this once and for all. Don't fit in with those around you. As soon as you let this house of advice into your head, you stop being yourself. There are many people around you, and you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in the pursuit of society, you will give birth to Frankenstein, who, at least a little, but everyone likes.

Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. You won't find exactly the same. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then the people around you will start to respect you.

Why do you still listen to them

Will your life change a lot if someone disagrees with you or says that you are saying something wrong? Are you ready to change every time someone says that you are doing everything wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, then just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark in your direction will excite you for no more than an hour, then all this is empty.

You are clearly not a telepath

If you do not have any superpowers and the magic ball does not show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking. If you a common person How do you know what's going on in the minds of others? The only problem is that you think that all the thoughts of the people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smacks of something unhealthy, don't you think? Do not worry about the opinions of others until you have learned to read their minds.

Be honest with yourself and live in the present

It is up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and excitement at the thought that society will not approve of your act? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry that someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live in the here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Only in this way can you be happy. Only in this way will you understand that each person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.

Surround yourself with people who accept you

It's just wonderful when you have friends who agree with you and support you in any endeavor, even if your relatives are against it. Remember that in order to maintain physical and spiritual health, you must choose to either give up on the advice of others, or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your own path.

Others also care about public opinion

You are not paranoid and you are not the only one. The people around you also care what they think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you have done something that this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want you back from heaven to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives for the actions of others.

Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also care about criticism, they are also not perfect. There are no perfect people who never make mistakes. It’s just that someone, having stumbled once, stops for life, and someone, having stepped over his mistake, follows his dream. Let public opinion not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish hibernate.

Are you dependent on the opinions of others?

Many people cannot even imagine how strong the reflex to look back at others is. Try to ask at least a small audience to do something. You will see, the majority will look around: do the rest do? who is doing? how does? what will they think? In any undertaking, this reaction is most often the first to work - to look back at others.

It is not easy for those who constantly ask themselves questions that remain unanswered: “What will they think of me?”, “Will I be liked if I am myself?”. And that takes a lot of energy. In the article, we will consider how to stop depending on someone else's opinion and not to reckon with it, as well as how to gain self-confidence.

Accepting yourself for who you are

One of the most FAQ in training is: “How to get rid of sensitivity to what others will think about you?”

Is it necessary to do this at all? Man is a collective, not a solitary being. His life takes place in various relationships. Therefore, it is good if the opinion of the environment matters to you. Sensitivity in this vein, on the contrary, is a very useful and powerful feeling. The main thing is not to create an enemy out of it that will oppress you all your life. Experts in the field of psychology say that in order to get rid of addiction, you need to direct its power in the right direction, learn how to use it for good.

What desires hide behind the fear of judgment? Like it? Save the relationship? Feel good? All this applies exclusively to positive and beautiful motives! Therefore, you first need to turn to your true aspirations, think about what you really want.

It’s worth reminding yourself more often: there is no anomaly in this. Anyone can experience the fear of judgment. For any person, the opinion of his environment is important.

Thanks to this sensitivity, you are capable of empathy, you can feel what others are experiencing. And empathy is great! Therefore, do not seek to get rid of the fear of judgment. Try to love the part of you that is so sensitive to the opinions of others.

Any famous person, any star of show business, cinema or sports, can experience the fear of disapproval. Even Olympic champions successful businessmen, artists, actors - everyone has it. Only someone to a greater extent, and someone to a lesser extent. But they have the tools to transform their fear.

Relaxation

Do you want to control the opinions of others? The stronger the desire, the more your head will be occupied with unnecessary thoughts. You can't be yourself. The environment will reject you, and you yourself too. Relax!

We start from the body: exhale and “dump” with your hands down. Release the desire for control as you exhale. You need to stop making good impression» outside. Instead, it is necessary to return to oneself inside, that is, to move from impressing others to manifesting oneself. From impression to expression (from imitation to expression).

And if at this moment it seems to you that something bad has happened, you should not reproach yourself. Later you will understand: even that was right. Right for you!

Humility with your own "I"

Only your authenticity will bring to life the right people, "your" people, and stop being afraid of the opinions of others and be dependent. Do you want to be like someone else? Can there be anything worse than "I'm not me anymore"? Understand that the desire to be someone else erases your "I". And when it disappears, it can no longer be with you or with others.

Authenticity is the best gift! When you are sincere, only those people who like you for who you are are attracted. They definitely can't turn their backs on you for who you really are. Since it was these qualities that attracted them.

But those who fall in love with your "ostentatious" qualities, then they will be able to hate you for deceit. In that case, it's better to hate yourself for who you really are. At least it's on merit.

Authenticity gives freedom. Vulnerability appears, but there is nothing to lose. Having taken a step towards oneself, towards vulnerability, there is a recognition of one's own imperfections and an improvement in well-being.

It's not scary, even if there is someone to lose. Only those people who are “not the same”, not yours, will leave. This will happen because love has not been and will not be. It is impossible to love only one side of a person. This feeling is integral: both to your light and to darkness.

Become an inspiration

The desire to be loved is a manifestation of selfishness. A person thinks only about his own person, seeking the love of the environment.

The desire to inspire is the opposite side of self-centeredness. Direct your aspirations to help others, become a source of inspiration.

Someone may consider: I have nothing to inspire, I am one continuous imperfection. Yes, everyone can be wrong. But even such moments can serve as an example for someone. If you look inside, you can see only your own ego, which has suffered from a mistake. But as soon as you direct your gaze to others, make sure that you are a hero for someone.

Remember, superheroes always have at least one flaw: Achilles has a heel, Superman has kryptonite. There is not a single film where the hero does not have weaknesses at all. Nobody would watch them, because the viewer will not be able to identify with himself, will not feel empathy.

It turns out that to become someone's role model, it is enough just to be imperfect. So be it, inspire!

Do not get attached to a positive reaction, positive reviews. If they begin to mean a lot, then the negative will certainly begin not only to cling, but also to hurt.

Everything positive is not considered a problem, it is not customary to complain about the good.

Often people become attached to positive assessments, and give special value to those who consider them beautiful, extraordinary, kind. But if the significance of one pole increases, the other will also be more significant.

Therefore, the desire to be free from the fear of condemnation also implies getting rid of dependence on praise. That is, it should not matter to you whether they like you or not.

It happens that you say to yourself: “today you were the coolest of all”, “you did everything perfectly”, slightly exaggerating your success, with the intention of at least a few seconds in your own eyes to be above others. Life immediately indicates with a beautiful light kick where your place is on a level with the rest. But you also decided to rise above the others, so you have to dip into the mud. This is necessary to restore balance. After all, in fact, in every person there is as much wonderful as disgusting. Everyone keeps the unity of opposites.

Therefore, you will have to free yourself not only from shame and fear of condemnation, but also from a sense of self-importance in the sense of superiority over others.

self-determination

If a person cannot decide who he is, determine his value, others will do it for him. Try to tell a person who does not recognize his worth that he is mediocrity, and this label will be fixed in his mind.

If a person defines himself, then the place in the mind is already taken. Where capital letters"I'm SUPER", "mediocrity" will no longer fit. Therefore, you do not need to wait for others to stick a label on you, have time to decide for yourself.

Concentration on what matters

Think about whether it is really important for you to achieve someone's love at any cost? Try to focus on what really matters. Shift your desires from the sector I want to "have" to the sector I want to "become". When it becomes more important, your actions are directed towards achieving this goal. Everything around is changing, appears in a different light. Feeling free from other people's opinions. What matters is not what people think of you, but who you become.

In this case, critical comments in your direction will help to develop. Critical people will stimulate your self-love so that you work on your mistakes. This will inevitably lead to personal growth. Therefore, take criticism with gratitude.

Focus on simple things that will help you feel free. You can become happy by helping other people. For example, to give useful, high-quality information in the form of texts, videos. Each, let small action will change you. Don't strive to be the best, give the best. This is something you can definitely and precisely control. Even one person made happy by you will give you more positive emotions and self-confidence.

Tune in to the long term, comes the realization of greater benefits from criticism than from praise. And that means goodbye addiction to approvals!

Liberation

The more you can focus on personal freedom, the better you will feel. And only you can determine for yourself: how to dress, what to say, what to do, where to go. This is your free choice, which you will accept without fear of what others will think. The difference will be immediately noticeable.

How to "score" on someone else's opinion and talk about yourself in order to get rid of shyness? How to ignore others and be confident in yourself? Everything is simple. Get away from your appearance. It doesn't matter what clothes you wear, what you do, what you think about. Stop paying attention to the looks of the people around you and learn to focus on the feeling that you are an adult, confident person.

Do not look for signs of approval and support in passers-by. You don't care what they think of you when they look in your direction, because there is already self-confidence inside. Feelings of success and self-sufficiency have a positive effect on a person's confidence.

What matters is how you think and feel about yourself! If: “I’m a cool, worthy person!”, Then they absolutely don’t give a damn about the opinions of other people.

You need to start supporting and approving yourself. Otherwise, you can wait all your life for extraneous support and compliments. To do this, you need to shift your focus from other people's opinions to your own: “Who am I? What I feel? Do I like myself?

Straighten your shoulders, back. Now what are the feelings? Praise yourself, your beauty, success, not taking into account how you look now - only self-feeling is important. Stop looking for a positive reaction from the environment - you already have all the beauty and self-sufficiency.

Each person is individual. We all differ in the vision of life, appearance, psychology, opinions, views. But everyone is able to change the world for the better if they learn to respect others, their choice, if they take care of themselves, if they stop listening only to others. Now you know how to get rid of dependence on the opinions of other people. Do as your heart tells you. And never stop on the chosen path!

Every day you face misunderstanding and condemnation. People will always be interested in you, try to change you, remake you for themselves. Performing certain actions in his life, a person subconsciously brings them to the public judgment. Everyone wants to get approval from friends, work colleagues or just acquaintances with whom they have little in common. When you succumb to the opinions of others, you constrain yourself, do not allow yourself to be liberated and do what you really want. In this article, you will find tips and reasoning that in the future will help you stop depending on the opinions of others, liberate yourself and live freely.

Causes of dependence on someone else's opinion

It is difficult to stop depending on public opinion, but it is quite possible. Initially, it is worth understanding the reasons for this dependence. Here are some of the reasons:

A person constantly experiences a feeling of imperfection looking at others. It may be about looks material well-being or personal life;
Competition is present in any society and everyone wants to take first place, even if he denies it in every possible way;
During the formation of the psyche in adolescence, certain stereotypes and ideas about a good life are deposited in the future person's head. At a more adult age, a person begins to unconsciously give assessments according to these criteria, both to himself and to those around him.

Addiction breeds fear

In relation to society, people have several types of fear:

fear of negative evaluation;
fear of not being accepted in a new society;
fear of attention deficit in society.

Such fears can lead a person to social phobia.

How to stop depending on someone else's opinion

Most of us are very dependent on the opinions of others, and this circumstance often spoils our lives. Someone tries to adapt, changing his mind under the influence of the environment. Others silently endure negative statements, but suffer greatly and depend on the opinions of others, self-esteem decreases and, as a result, neuroses and a depressive state arise. How not to depend on someone else's opinion? What do I need to do?

Divide all people according to their importance to you:

people whose opinion is very important to us and who are really worth listening to;
people whose opinion should be taken into account sometimes;
people who mean nothing to you.

Life is such that we constantly hear opinions about any events. And there are a huge number of opinions, everyone has their own, it is impossible to simply physically listen to everyone, especially if these opinions are unpleasant for us and interfere with life. It is very important to be able to understand people in order to understand whether it is worth listening to them.

Separate the wheat from the chaff

From each opinion you need to extract only the useful, and throw the rest of the garbage out of your head! The main thing is not to let others ruin your life with their opinions. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" - English proverb.

Already know that you are a cool, beautiful and worthy person! This leads to the idea that it doesn't matter what other people think of you. The main thing is what you think about yourself and how you feel!

You don't want to live all the time waiting for someone's support or a compliment addressed to you, do you? Then start to support and approve yourself. Shift your focus from what others think of you to what you think and feel about yourself. Do you like yourself? Straighten your back, how do you feel now? Cheer yourself up, say that you are beautiful and successful, no matter how you look now (after all, clothes do not determine your status, but your sense of self). Stop looking for approval in the eyes of others. Let them evaluate themselves. And you already know that you are beautiful and self-sufficient, even if your appearance talking about something else.

Conclusion

All people, of course, are very different from each other. They all see the world differently, they have different appearance, psychology, opinions and views. Maybe our world will be a better place when we learn to respect the choices of others and try to look after ourselves and not the activities of others. Never stop on the way, think and do as your heart tells you. Happiness and inspiration!

Are you in the habit of constantly worrying about what might be thought of you? Sometimes this anxiety develops into fear and painful dependence on someone else's assessment? You can't get someone else's unfriendly comment addressed to you out of your head? I have good news for you. There is a simple technique that will allow you to quickly don't care what others think of you.

No, this does not mean to turn into a beast who does not take into account the opinions of others and does what he wants. This means eliminating unnecessary and unnecessary anxiety about the unfavorable evaluation of others, which, believe me, any person in life has to deal with.

In this article, I will not offer 35 miracle ways to stop worrying about someone else's opinion, which you will forget after 10 minutes after reading. I will not tell you that you do not always control the opinions of others about your person. I will not write whole paragraphs about how other people's impression of you can be biased, prone to instant addictions. I am not going to convince you that most people are fixated on themselves, and they often do not care about you. Some of these tips are too obvious, despite being true, while others have been repeatedly sorted out in my articles, for example,.

"100 tips from psychologists that you read in books are ineffective in cases of social stress."

Many people already know that you need to strive to be yourself, scoring what others think. They are well aware that other people can think anything, projecting their personal complexes and fears into the outside world, evaluating everyone through their cloudy prism. However, all this knowledge breaks down into the first acts of social interaction: a business meeting, a friendly party, whatever. “Suddenly I’m an uninteresting companion?”, “And if she decided that I was stupid?”, “Probably everyone thought that I was a boring bore”. 100 tips from psychologists that you read in books are ineffective in cases of social stress.

Therefore, in this article, without further ado, I will give everything one simple technique, which you can immediately try out to stop worrying about the opinion of another person. You can apply it any time you encounter social anxiety. For some, this technique will help to overcome it. And someone, thanks to her, will learn a lot about himself, resolve his long-standing fears and contradictions, learn to accept himself as he is. This is pure practice, not theory. And it will take you a little longer than it takes to accumulate saliva in your mouth and spit.

Description of technology

So so. Let's imagine a standard scenario for the emergence of anxiety because of the opinions of others. In a conversation with that pretty girl, you were hesitant and worried, not interested in her fascinating conversations and smart reasoning. And now you worry that she might think that you are a bore, and have an idea only about banal things.

What do most people do in such a situation? Act intuitively, which in fact does not lead to any result. They meticulously sort through all the events and dialogues in their heads, trying to remember those moments when they appeared in a favorable light in front of others: “Perhaps not everything is so bad, and I managed to seem smart and educated?” But this tactic fails from the start. All these endless arguments with myself, attempts at self-soothing only increase anxiety. And to get rid of it, you have to do something just the opposite of that.

So, allocate at least five minutes of free time. Try it right now. Get your thoughts in order. You can take several full and slow breaths in and out. Or a couple of minutes.

And after that, do what you least want to do: imagine in your mind that the person whose opinion you are worried about has already thought the worst of you. Moreover, imagine it as if it really happened.

“She already decided that I was a complete dumbass”, “They all realized that I was absolutely not an interesting and boring conversationalist.” Here it is important not to feel sorry for yourself, bring it to the very extreme: "These people now think I'm just a fucking idiot."

Here you probably read and were horrified. Many of you have decided that this is the worst advice you can give a person in this situation. And so self-esteem “lames”, and we finish it even further, trampling it deep into the mud. But no, friends, do not rush to close the article, now I will explain why and how it works.
Please, strain your attention a little and follow the train of thought. The information will be a little revealing, but I don't want to lose you.

The swan song of our conceit

Where does this mournful song of offended conceit come from? The superficial observer will say: "This anxiety appears when our expectations of how we should look in the representation of other people (what Freud called the Super-I, representations of the "ideal self") do not correspond to reality."

My answer to such a superficial observer is: “Well, I see you are very smart, but you have not considered one simple thing: this anxiety arises if our expectations of what we should be do not correspond to our ideas about the opinions of other people. And this opinion is again based on their personal subjective ideas about us.”

Everyone understands so well that the thoughts of other people about us do not always correspond to reality. But our idea of their opinion also does not correspond to what they really think. And their idea of us, in turn, also does not correspond to reality!

Probably already confused. But now I will explain.

It turns out that anxiety because of the opinions of others is the mismatch of one illusion (Super-I, the illusion of the “idealized self” with the image in society that we are trying to create) another illusion, which is based on another illusion! And in short, friends, what the hell is that! Illusion on illusion and illusion drives!

We have imagined ourselves how we should look in the eyes of other people and are upset when it seems to us that others refuse to believe in our personal fantasies!

Moreover, this heap of illusions gives rise to a very real anxiety, because of which people choose professions they don’t like, communicate with people they don’t like, live a life that they don’t like! The scale of this disaster is colossal. And all because of some kind of illusion, moreover, an illusion in a cube!

The exercise I taught you is not meant to drown you in self-criticism. His task is to destroy in one fell swoop this house of cards of anxiety that you have erected in your mind. It is like cold water that is poured on your head and wakes you up. I called this technique "lightning" because like an instant bright flash it disperses the darkness of illusion, like a lightning bolt strikes at the very heart of your anxiety.

All this great advice about being yourself, that other people's opinion of you is concentrated only in their head and is only their own business, cease to be some kind of theory for you. They become pure experience, a direct experience of the heart, not of the mind!

And how does it work?

One of my most big discoveries in the field of combating fears and anxiety is the fact that we are afraid, as a rule, of some probabilistic event that might or might not happen. Usually such experiences begin with the words: “What if?” But when we perceive an event as something that has already happened with 100% probability, . Because our consciousness goes from the mode of fantasizing about a non-existent phenomenon (or existing only potentially) to the mode of constructive planning of actions about what actually happened. “It already happened, what am I going to do about it?” This, you see, sets in a constructive way.

And when you reluctantly decide that some people have already thought the worst of you, you begin to think of it as a fulfilled phenomenon: "What's next?"

You notice that as soon as you coldly accept this fact, everything appeared in a completely different light! You observe that your reaction to this bitter thought was not as terrible as you initially imagined it to be. “Well, we thought and thought, so what next?” You are speaking more calmly.

The fear and anxiety that you experienced just a couple of minutes ago may seem ridiculous from the height of the exaggerated extreme that you consciously created in your mind. You did not feel sorry for yourself, trying to soften the tone, but immediately lashed out: "Yeah, she 100% thought I was just a complete jerk". This technique immediately shows that others think of you is not at all the same as you think of yourself ( “Of course I don’t consider myself a complete jerk.”).

(Painful dependence on someone else's opinion occurs, among other things, from the fact that we begin to identify what we think of ourselves with what we are to ourselves. We, as Nietzsche used to say, are trying to convince people that we are good, smart, noble, so that later we ourselves will believe in this opinion! Therefore, when others think badly of us, it may seem to us that we are really bad. The trick I described above helps us sharply separate the two. It is like a hammer that breaks an illusory identity.)

Moreover, this approach helps to immediately see the obvious limited subjectivity of someone else's assessment of your person. Let's say you admit that someone could think the most terrible things about you, for example, that you are the meanest and meanest person in the world and deserve Hellfire. But you understand: no matter how terrible other people's thoughts about you, it's just someone else's thoughts, the fantasy of others. Yes, this is understandable. But through this exercise, you understand it at a deep, emotional level, at a level that allows you to make this truth your experience and practice.

Yes, someone thought terrible things about you.

So what? Indeed, so what? You never know what people think of you! You can't please everyone! That's right, you can't please everyone. But only now your mind is ready to absorb this truth like a sponge and dissolve it in itself.

Self esteem is nonsense

The goal and objective of this approach is neither self-deprecation nor self-praise. Its goal is to learn to accept what is. I've always been a bit stumped by the question

Much more important questions for me are "how to become better" and. Each of us is a person with a set of advantages and disadvantages. We can remove some shortcomings, and develop some advantages. With other qualities, alas, we can do nothing, it remains to accept it. What does it have to do with how we evaluate ourselves? We are who we are. And a person who does not know how to accept himself must learn this, that's all. His self-esteem has nothing to do with it.

Self-esteem can become the lever that other people press to control you through criticism or flattery. It can become that thorn that causes burning shame and nervous anxiety about the opinions of others.

The exercise in this article teaches you to accept yourself. Why? Because mentally you have already admitted the worst that a person could think of you. Therefore, you can easily accept something that is not so terrible, but more realistic. "That person thought of me that I was very boring." Either it's true, or it's not true, or a mix of both. More often than not, it's both. “Yes, of course, I’m not the most boring person. There are people who are not bored with me. But I must admit that I do not have the skill to communicate on topics that are not interesting to me. So what? Great tragedy? I think people in their lives face where big problems than understanding their inability to participate in secular conversations.

Self-criticism and self-praise deprive you of the possibility of any maneuver. You either fixate on biting yourself or revel in your social brilliance. Do not want to do anything. But acceptance opens up space for action, oddly enough. Let's say you've accepted the idea that you're not the most brilliant conversationalist. What's next? Further, you can either develop communication skills if they are important to you, or score on them if they are not important. What's the point of worrying.

“We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not play and are not able to play any role in our lives.”

Often in the pursuit of other people's recognition, we forget what is really important to us. We can stubbornly seek the respect and friendship of those people who do not play and are not able to play any role in our lives. Why are we doing this? Sometimes for the notorious inflation of self-esteem. Sometimes the pursuit of universal admiration for us becomes a kind of competition, the victory in which should remind us of our dignity and brilliance. And sometimes we just do it out of inertia: once we started to achieve someone's friendship, we continue to do it, despite all the failures.

But once we finally achieve this, we stop appreciating it, although sudden failures on the social front, acts of someone else's disapproving attitude can still greatly demoralize us. We stop cherishing the love and respect of those people who appreciate us for who we are, whose location we do not need to seek with all our might: our close friends, relatives, while desperately striving for a benevolent assessment of some random colleagues at work.

This magical exercise allows you to stop and ask yourself: “Hey wait, is this opinion really that important to me?”

But what if it turned out to be really important? Does a person who is very important to you not reciprocate your affection for him, your claims of friendship with him? If it really upsets you, then it's completely normal. We are human and tend to get upset about these things. Accept this pain with all your heart with gratitude, because it will make you stronger. Do not try to deny it and drive away from yourself. Let her be. Carry it with you for a while if you have to. But not mournfully lowering his head, but solemnly and proudly - like a banner, like a noble badge of distinction. And then she will pass. After all, everything passes. There will undoubtedly be people who will disappoint you painfully, you can’t get away from this. But let such people be as few as possible in your life.

26.01.2015 00:59:21

We often experience what people around us think, as it is directly related to our perception of ourselves as individuals.

Are you worried about the opinions of others?

Worrying about the opinions of others lowers self-confidence, and this leads to a number of unpleasant factors:

You begin to behave in a way that others expect from you, thereby hiding your individuality. You may feel that you are denying yourself the right to live the way you want.
It is difficult for you to act rationally in stressful situations, because you constantly care about what others think. This leads to the fact that you can make mistakes more often and later regret your actions.
Speaking in public becomes a real nightmare for you. You try to focus on the audience and not on your presentation. Attention from people makes you nervous and uncomfortable when, on the contrary, you should be calm and focused.
You start making decisions based on other people's expectations and ignoring your own dreams and feelings. Because of this, there is a feeling of incompleteness of life, depressive moods appear, which you exacerbate by continuing to blame yourself for everything.

How do you get yourself to stop worrying so much about other people's opinions? To do this, try the following steps:

Ask yourself why you care so much about the opinions of others: do you seek someone else's approval because you yourself lack self-confidence?
Train your confidence. Only in this way will you be able to trust your own thoughts and care less about the opinions of others.
Learn to say "no" because it's important to be able to prioritize.
Make a list of the things you love in life and set a goal for yourself to achieve them. Don't let other people tell you exactly what and how you should do it.
If you find yourself wondering what someone else is saying or thinking about you, then immediately stop and sort out your feelings. Prioritize, decide whose opinion is most important to you: yours or other people's.

Remember that there is no reason to worry about what others think of you. Thoughts in and of themselves are harmless. They can only hurt if you let them.

Often our choices - for example, the choice of work, the choice of something that does not correspond to the norms of our environment - and our actions are limited due to fear of judgment and criticism from other people. This phenomenon is a serious problem for many of us. Therefore, in this article we will consider effective ways, how to ignore what others think.

Why do we care what other people think

Sometimes useful pay attention to the opinions of others. That part of our consciousness that is afraid of condemnation often protects us from bad deeds. If we didn’t care about others, we could, for example, run naked to the shops, after which we would probably be considered crazy and sent for treatment. Agree, sometimes this is a very useful protective function of our consciousness.

Someone else's opinion - The reason why we pay attention to other people's opinions is that our perception of ourselves is based on other people's good or bad judgments of us.

Since we think that part of our personality is how others see us (funny, "cool", confident, shy), we strive to protect this component so that our personality does not suffer.

However, your personality is not what others think of you, it's... it's just you. And if you do something that makes you feel guilty, then you should pay attention to it.

Stop paying attention to what other people think

Hardly possible at all stop paying attention to the opinions of others Unless, of course, you have schizophrenia. It is also unlikely that their opinion brings only harm. We are social beings, and the reaction of others to our actions (for example, if we behave very stupidly) helps to understand that we could behave more correctly.

But the problem of excessive anxiety and dependence on the opinions of others remains relevant for thousands of people.

It is the problem of “excessive” unjustified concern about what others think of us that is the main problem for us.

Determining the criteria and boundaries of justified concern is the key to success and overcoming the complex of excessive concern about the opinions of others.

By solving this problem, many of us would remove all those restrictions that really interfere with a full and interesting life.

Imagine how different the world would be if we could all start doing the things we really want to do, become the people we want to be, and live the way we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we could all be a part of creating it... and that is actually the purpose of existence.

The question arises: how not to depend on someone else's opinion?

How to learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others?

Form a value system

First and foremost. You must know what is important to you, what you truly value, what your true goals are. By realizing who you are and what matters to you, you will feel that the opinions of others have become less meaningful to you.

Having defined values, you will have something to fall behind and what to believe in. You will stop always saying “yes”, you will learn to say “no” to what goes against what you strive for and what you stand for .

If you do not break the law, do not threaten health and do not cause physical or moral harm to others, then what you are doing is quite acceptable and permissible - so do not think about what others think of you, you do what you need and how you it is necessary, and the opinion of others is just their point of view - and often not true.

And most of the time, people don't care about you! GENERALLY!!!

I really want you to fix this simple thought, which will help you become a more free person - the people around you do not care about you!

When you go out into the street, meet passers-by, catch a glance thrown at you by chance - you may think that you are being evaluated, you are condemned, you are not understood! It is quite possible that this is the case, BUT! A man passed by you and he forgot about you! So many thoughts go through our head in a second of time that we think about something long time we just can't.

We are the center - only for ourselves. And so for each person the center is himself, and the people around him absolutely do not care how you look, what you dress, how you behave. The people around you will only take a quick glance and after a couple of seconds they will forget about you, and you can drag your experiences in yourself for months, weeks, years. In order to stop suffering and look for a solution to the question of how to stop paying attention to the opinions of other people, just let each person have their own opinion, and give yourself inner freedom!

1. Stop making up problems

If your every action is accompanied by thoughts " what will others think?”, then know: you are not the navel of the earth, at least for those around you for sure. Chances are, most of the time you think people are judging you, when in reality they don't care. You yourself do not make a detailed opinion about every person you meet, do you?

Most The best way test it - try to go a little outside the box and do something out of character for you and see how other people react. Most likely, only your friends and acquaintances will pay attention and comment on your actions, but strangers will not care.

2. Surround yourself with professionals

Surround yourself with people who are confident in themselves and in what they do, who live by what they believe. Such people will quickly bring out your true self.

3. Put things into perspective

For people who never think about what others will say about them, such a problem may seem strange or far-fetched. The fact is that as soon as you begin to closely consider such “problems”, you immediately understand that they are not worth such attention.

We only live once, and are you ready to let other people's thoughts ruin your life?

That would be stupid, right?

Along with the fact that life is one and too short to worry about such things, there is another reason. ignore other people's opinions A: Their views change over time.

Suppose at some point in time people make fun of you for wearing yellow sneakers. You decide this was the last time you wore them and you will never wear them again. But what if the mind of the person who was laughing at you changes, and he himself begins to wear yellow shoes? Will you put on your sneakers again?

Or another example of depending on someone else's opinion: a high school student was bullied because of his long hair, but after six months the fashion for haircuts changed and many guys in the class (including those who mocked him) grew long hair themselves.

People change their minds and what they think of you now may not matter in the future. You're not going to wait for fashion to change so that only people can think you're modern and cool, are you? We hope that these examples will help you understand the situation and put everything in perspective. You should not depend on someone else's opinion!

4. Be confident

It seems that in almost any situation we are not indifferent to the attitude of others. So how not to depend on someone else's opinion? Maybe we should try to reduce the cases when we think about condemnation from the outside? It is quite possible. The point is simply to be more confident in your decisions and actions.

Have you ever seen a person who, for example, somehow dressed strangely or behaved differently from everyone else, and at the same time he would be normally perceived and not condemned?

If you are wearing yellow shoes and you feel clearly uncomfortable in them, then people will understand this and will choose you as an object of ridicule - because they feel your awkwardness and, most likely, they will want to assert themselves in this way at your expense.

However, if you walk proudly and confidently in these boots, completely oblivious to other people's comments, then you will find that most people (if not all) will not even think of mocking you. Thus, your dependence on someone else's opinion will be minimal.

5. Learn to control your feelings

As soon as you start to overcome the limitations that bind you, or just try to become more self-confident, no doubt - you will immediately begin to be overcome by a variety of feelings, ranging from stress, anxiety and fear, up to relief and joy. This state can be like a real roller coaster; here it is very important to be able to cope with such an influx of emotions.

Here are some simple steps to help you with this:

Be aware of exactly what feeling you are currently experiencing - for example, fear or anxiety
Watch your emotions
Note that because you are observing your emotions, they are no longer part of you.
Watch these emotions disappear

Once you can observe your emotions and feelings, and can separate yourself from them, then it will be easier for you to deal with them. And you will learn to ignore the opinions of others.

6. Accept yourself for who you are.

If you constantly judge yourself, then you will undoubtedly think that others around you are also far from having a better opinion of you. Often the root cause of this is self-created beliefs that there is something wrong with you. Accepting yourself is not so easy, but it really helps to solve the problem.

First of all, think about what exactly you don’t like about yourself, and write it down on paper point by point. Now, look at these points and see if any of them can be changed. For example, if you're thin and you don't like it, think about ways you can get better and gain weight. However, if you would like to be taller, you cannot change that. In such cases, think that it could be worse. So, if your height is 170 cm and you don’t like it, think about how it would be for you if you were two meters tall or 150 cm in general. Your height may not be ideal, but there are people with more “imperfect” growth .

But such things help only for a while, if you constantly look for shortcomings in others or think about what else to change in yourself, then it will be very difficult for you to accept yourself as you are.

7. Decide on your goals in life

A person who does not know what he wants from life is constantly confused in a series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so the phrase said by a familiar person is perceived as a kind of call to action. If you're worried about negative opinions about a potential action, think about what you like and don't like about it, what negative qualities you can ignore, and what are especially important. After you decide, think about the words of the interlocutor: is the information that he tells you so important?

8. Travel alone

If you crave a complete personal trans-for-ma-tion, combining all the above-numerous points, travel in one -night. Traveling in the company of friends can be much more fun, only this will not allow you to leave your comfort zone.
And traveling alone will push you into new cultures, destroy social norms, the existence of which you won’t even know dy-wa-lis. All this will eventually burst the little bubble of conventions, fears and insecurities in which you existed.

Take only the necessary mini-mum, away with suitcases, an ordinary backpack behind your back will be enough. No plans, no preliminary studies, one way ticket - let things take their course. Believe me, you won't regret it.
At first, it may not be easy, the main thing is not to lose heart. The ability to feel comfortable even in uncomfortable conditions will develop with time. The main thing - start!

9. Get over your fear

Over time, you will begin to understand how insignificant the things that you used to worry about so much turned out to be, you will begin to relate to everything easier and stop worrying about trifles. The realization that you are no longer dependent on what the other person has said does not come immediately. It may take a month, or even a year, before you catch yourself thinking that the opinion of another person is just his thought and point of view, which has the right to exist, you can listen to it, but it is not a guide to action.

10. Make a Growth Juice List

In general, the “Growth List” refers to a list of things that make you feel uncomfortable. These are your fears, insecurities, everything that frightens you. Having fixed all your innermost fears on paper, start turning them into reality one by one.

The most difficult thing will be with the first paragraph. With each new achievement, it will be easier and easier for you. This exercise works wonders. It is difficult to find a simpler and more effective way to get out of the comfort zone. You can read all the books in the world about how to be self-confident, but without taking any action, you will be like a person who has read, how to ride a bicycle c-pede, but never sat on it.

Realize for yourself that you can only guess at other people's thoughts and may be completely wrong. Why do you let these guesses affect you?

Take it for granted that people are always thinking something.

But what they think depends more on them than on you. Good man he will see only good in you, and a bad one, even in an impeccable person, will be able to find flaws.

The best way to deal with addiction to other people's opinions is to try to change your mindset and focus on different (more important) areas of your own life, rather than constantly worrying about what others think of you. Life is too short to waste time on empty experiences.

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