What to do when things fall apart. When it seems that everything in life is falling apart. Conclusion: your life is the same as hundreds and thousands of others, in something better, in something worse, and you always have something to be grateful for

“The problem is not the problem. It all lies in your attitude towards her "

Capt. Jack Sparrow

In our life, something rarely goes according to plan. But no matter how our path develops, all difficulties strengthen our character and help to become better. In addition, the problems that we face from time to time help us to appreciate victories even more and make us look at the world around us differently.And today's world dictates completely different rules, which makes it almost impossible not to face a certain type of difficulty.

The key to solving a problem is how you deal with it. Therefore, read our tips that can help you maintain faith in yourself in the next difficult period, when it seems to you that everything around you is falling apart.

11 things to remember when things fall apart

1. Other people's problems are not yours.

If you are used to empathizing with other people, then you probably feel that only you can solve their problems. However, this behavior can lead to complete exhaustion, and others will begin to perceive you as a personal psychologist or therapist who can be called at any time of the day or night. Of course, showing compassion and support for others is very important, but you need to find a balance between helping others and yourself.

2. Don't stop! Everything is going as it should.

Even if you feel like life is just a series of disasters between short periods of tranquility, don't give up! All these difficulties serve to test ourselves, to make us better. They enable us to better cope with future challenging situations and learn valuable life lessons. Without struggle, we will not grow and develop as a person.

3. Pain is temporary.

Any situation does not last forever: be it a difficult breakup, a struggle for financial stability, family quarrels, or something else. Regardless of what you may have experienced before, calm down and remember that only you are the master of your emotions. You can emerge victorious from any situation and turn that pain you have experienced into an opportunity for growth.

4. Your pain gives you purpose.

Spiritual teachers of the past used to say that people attract bad situations and pain to themselves only if they themselves led a negative lifestyle and littered their minds with corresponding thoughts. This may not always be true, but often any negative situation can be seen as a valuable tool for our own learning and experience for testing ourselves.

5. Take time for prayer or positive energy.

No matter what you may come across, try to take a look at better side this situation and turn to your angels or spirit guides for the highest wisdom. They will help ease your burden or anxiety by giving you new energy so you can deal with it all. Prayer will remind you that everything on Earth lends itself to complex mysterious and cosmic factors that we cannot always understand.

6. Worry creates more problems and faith transforms.

No amount of worry will make a difference. This will only cause you more pain and increase the impact of negative energy, creating more obstacles in your life. Keep a positive mindset and hope that the Universe has rewarded you with a test in order to pass it and become better.

7. Perhaps you should do exactly what you are afraid to do.

The only way to stimulate personal growth- leave your comfort zone behind. Sometimes, you need to check and test your limits to find out how hardy you are and discover something new about yourself. You can dig deep into yourself a new passion and those things that you did not even think about and did not know before. Conquer your fears and get better.

8. Bad days allow you to appreciate the good even more.

Without bad days you would not even know that there are good ones, because everything would turn into one gray solid mass. The funniest thing in life is that we cannot know pleasure without pain, sadness, struggle, etc. We live in a dualistic reality, that is, we experience opposite sides of the same spectrum in most life cases. Appreciate the experiences this world has to offer, because often the worst will reveal your best sides.

9. Remember that you have sufficient influence and power over your life.

You don't have to fall prey to circumstance or give up. You are in complete control of your life and can easily turn a bad situation into a good one. Keep in mind that rainbows only appear after rain, so you must weather the storm to live happily later on.

10. If you allow yourself to think negatively, then again put yourself in front of others as a victim.

11. Don't worry, we all have our ups and downs.

Just look ahead and keep going. The next time you feel overwhelmed by the pressures of modern life, just remember that you and millions of others are in the same position. The best thing you can and should do is to actively participate in your life and do what you love, what you love without tremendous pressure.

Keep calm and keep going

"The most important decision you can make is to be in a good mood."

Below are three letters - one addressed to me (with the permission of the author and with minor changes) and two simply found on the Internet as living examples, you will surely see analogies and even similar phrases, plus the identity of the problem. And when there is a problem, you need to SEARCH FOR ITS SOLUTION.

what is going on now? Collapsing ALLEEEEEE…. and it’s hard without it. My son has been seriously ill since he was 5 years old, I have seen so much death, and it is still very difficult in all corners of life….

Just broken. Therefore, I wrote. All around the pain and very hard. Although I try to survive-…. one friend says, only one of my life can make a movie ...

Maybe look at my map? ... I've been fighting for my son's life for 25 years. Husband has lost EVERYTHING !! -because we pay our money for treatment, we are not citizens. The man-with whom-it-seemed-all-well-suddenly left. Suddenly. The husband lost his job. We were announced deportation. In short, WHERE ?? FIND these forces - about which you write…. I will try ... Very ...

**

Hello, I am 22 years old, I am married, I have a wonderful daughter. It all started from the moment I got pregnant. My husband and I just got married then. everything was fine, but one day there was a crisis, my husband was fired from his job. I worked as long as I could, then went on maternity leave.

She gave birth to a child, and then the constant moving began. there were 5 of them in the last year.

My husband seemed to be working, but somehow everything did not work out and he decided to take up entrepreneurial activity. at first everything seemed to work out, and then everything got worse ... then they owed the bank a large sum, now they are filing a lawsuit. not long ago I found out that I was pregnant again.

Of course, I understood that it was not the right time, but I was still very happy. the husband was not so positive. then bedding began. called an ambulance, the hospital said that the child had long been dead ... it was not just a blow! Did the cleaning ...

Now a month has passed, I seem to have calmed down. but money is bad. and my husband decided to work in a taxi and today, on the first day, lost all documents and money ...

I don't know how to continue to live and what to do, this is the last straw, I can't even cry anymore, I sit and giggle stupidly. and the worst thing is that I am afraid of the future, because this is not a complete list of what happened to me over the past two years ...

Help me please! How to find the strength to survive all this? how to start over

Thank you in advance…..

**

what to do if life is crumbling ?!

my interest in life and the struggle for a bright future is fading away, I just already resigned myself to the fact that I am always alone (for a rather long period of my life) .. And in recent years, in general, everything went in a bad direction, now I am unemployed, I owe the bank a large sum, crashed a car today….

I'm just already tired, tired of life, I can't even cry, because I'm tired ... I'm tired of these problems ... the only thing that keeps me in this world is that I love my parents .. But for some reason it seems to me that even this will soon not be a hindrance to me, I can’t go on like this ... tell me what to do?

EVERYONE HAS OWN SANTA BARBAR

In all these three messages, we see that problems roll like a snowball and at some point some unpleasant event occurs (note - non-fatal!) And the person “breaks down”, that is, reaches the limit of patience and catharsis occurs. Or the peak of the cycle of development of his crisis situation.

First, a person is deeply inside a situation that seems to him a dead end. Looking from the outside, we do not think so. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that you need to "rise above" in order to see the whole picture or in a wider perspective. After all, everything is not so bad.

For example, we often compare ourselves to others - especially when they have something better or have something that we do not have and this plunges us into negative feelings of self-pity, envy, sadness, etc.

In this situation of "total collapse" as a piece of advice, you can also suggest comparing your own misfortunes with the misfortunes of others in order to feel better.

For example, some women do not have husbands and have to take care of themselves and their children, earn money, solve problems, make decisions, etc.

Some people don't have a car and have to use public transport. Someone has no money to afford to go abroad or just to the sea, etc. Someone has no health, body parts, vision and hearing, parents, children, housing, etc.

Look at Nick Vuychich - if it seems to you that everything is “bad” or you have been cheated in something. He has no arms or legs, but he was able to cope with depression and despair and even became rich, married a young beauty who gave birth to his daughter. He is a living motivation “not to be a victim”.

Are you still feeling bad? And do you feel left out?

Sometimes it seems to us that our life is like “Santa Barbara”, with many difficult moments, the first heroine even wrote that it is possible to make a film in her life, but look around - look at the lives of the people around you, delve into their stories. Each is its own movie, its own unique script, its own series and its own failures and failures.

Who among us has not lost his job?

Raise your hands. Which one of us has not been abandoned by a loved one? Are there hands up? Who has not experienced financial difficulties, major losses, disasters, injuries and accidents? I think that all readers of this article are already sitting with their hands up. Write if this is not the case.

I myself thought for a long time that my sphere of personal relationships is solid Santa Barbara and that there is no more unfortunate girl in the world, and then I saw that others have things that are not so, much more dramatic and more difficult.

Conclusion: your life is the same as hundreds and thousands of others, in something better, in something worse, and YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL.

Advice: try to help yourself get out of the state of victim, in which you are now, to the state of the creator of your life or someone who is able to get out of this impasse, by changing your attitude to what is happening and changing the perspective of attention from focusing on "everything is bad" to focusing on what you want instead and how to achieve it.

In no way do I want to urge you to ignore the problem, I ask you to drop its importance, reorient your focus. And this is already the first step towards its solution.

They say that God cannot afford trials - we are able to get out of difficult situations, the main thing is to concentrate and get together. There are many examples when people got out of the most unthinkable situations, help came at the very last moment and in the most wonderful way. But you need to ask for this - God, the Highest.

In moments of despair - go to Him and pray for help, submit your situation to Him for consideration. Say what you want, thank and promise to accept everything as His will, humbly. And whatever happens next, just live by accepting.

You can't sew a severed leg back - that's why sometimes you need to learn to walk with a prosthesis and live in new conditions. Some even manage to become Olympic champions in this state. We always have a choice - to lie and "die", to give up and despair, to fight and win.

Sometimes it seems to us that life is over and there is no point in living on, hope is dying, but in fact, this is not the end of life, this is the end of one of its chapters and a new chapter opens further. Let it be something different, but this is life, another plot, another scenario, and we have everything to write the best scenario in this chapter.

CLASSICS OF THE GENRE

The events that are generally recognized as the most negative are classics of the genre - divorce, loss of work and livelihood, loss of valuable things, death of loved ones and dear people, health problems, injuries and accidents.

Anyone is experiencing a crisis, stress, depression, and so on negative feelings at this time, but you can react to them in different ways, for some it will be the “end of life”, but for someone “the beginning of a new one”.

From the success stories of famous, rich and successful people, we can learn that they also had to go through such "bifurcation points" (the moment of no return), that is, difficult moments when everything collapsed for them, there were losses and such crises, but precisely from which was the starting point of their future success.

One of the major information businessmen said that his girlfriend left him, after which he finally got off the couch and created his own business. Now he is rich and there was another girl whom he happily married.

Another famous blogger and coach shared the story that a major car accident caused her to drastically change her life, quit a prestigious job, leave a foreign country, reflect on the future, return to the country and start her online training business.

And there are millions of such stories. Because this is how the universe works. We develop through crises.

How else can we wake up or pull us out of our usual routine, how can we induce evolution and development? The Universe knocks on windows and doors, and if we do not hear, then on the head ... so that we finally take our power and do something in our life; or simply changed something, perhaps long desired, but ignored; or simply followed their own Path, from which they deviated, etc.

Metaphorically, a comparison can be made - when a mother calls her child, but she does not hear or ignores the call, then the parent screams louder or even approaches and uses brute force in order to attract attention, so Our Heavenly Father calls, shouts and sometimes does what something to draw our attention to ourselves.

And yes, crisis situations are a close path to God, because many of us remember His existence only in difficult moments. And this is a great chance - to Turn to Him.

Conclusion: crisis situations draw your attention to Yourself, Truth and the Highest. Perhaps the time has come for a change in your life and you shouldn't resist it. Maybe it's time to take your Power. Perhaps this is a test of strength (about this below in the Astrological interpretation of events).

Advice: try to change your attitude towards the outgoing, reorient yourself from the end to a new beginning, be flexible and do not fall into despair - there is a way out of ANY SITUATION, even yours.

Well, judge for yourself - you have lost your job, there will definitely be another one, you just need to make an effort and look for it properly. Have suffered material damage, say "Thank you, Lord, for taking the money." Left beloved, learn to live in a romance with yourself and life.

Does the world seem to be crumbling? This is not true! He's just rebuilding. And maybe for you!

In this article, I described the Tao of Pluto and suggested an exercise for getting out of the plutonic depression - Pluto is associated with death and loss, deep transformations and rebirth.

In this exercise, you need to lie down in the bath, plunging headlong into the water - a symbolic immersion to the bottom, the moment of "death" and emerge "reborn".

When you get to the bottom of life, you have a chance to kick off properly with your feet and begin to float - in the Tao of Pluto it is just about scuba diving and diving into the depths.

ASTROCAUSE AND THE RETURN OF SATURN

If you look at such destructive situations from an astrological point of view, then here we are dealing with life and planetary cycles.

Each planet has its own cycle, for example, the cycle of the Moon, which reflects the structure of life processes - everything has a birth, development, culmination and decline / death / end.

At that moment when several negative plots coincide in life at once (there are also positive ones, but we rarely mark it as something significant) - the climax comes, the full moon of life. After some time, there will be a recession.

On full moons, you usually need to part with something that has outlived your own, these are times of heightened emotionality and the difficulty of controlling it. A little later, you will look at what happened with much less tragedy.

In these moments, you need to allow yourself to live your emotions.

Saturn has long cycles, a full one is about 29-30 years and intermediate seven years. Saturn is considered a harsh planet, and I often bring an association with him in the form of Frost from the fairy tale of the same name, when he tested the strength of the main characters, asking them "if they are warm" and then presented them according to the test.

So life (Saturn) tests how humble, strong, wise, ready to take responsibility for your life and become its Authors.

Here is the woman who wrote the first letter, just experiencing the Second Saturn Return (occurs at the age of about 59-60 years).

This is the time of the next restructuring of life, challenges of fate, tests and great opportunities with the task of determining the long-term goals of their further development.

We perceive this time as a time of crises, we can be sad, fall into despair, but Saturn is a strict and fair Teacher, he will bestow us in the future, but after a difficult period of changes and restructuring.

Saturn asks to engage in self-digging and self-knowledge, go through the process of re-inventing ourselves and our ways of life. We can face something that does not work in our life, restrictions and obstacles, see gaps, weaknesses.

Saturn slows us down so that we can look with a firm and cold gaze at the reality we have built in our lives and find new ways and ways to become a true author - an authority - in our lives. We have another chance to become who we really are.

In mythology, Saturn is associated with the harvest, with the reward for the efforts made. If we are willing to wait, work, persist. Saturn is a strict Teacher and he asks to clean up his psychological and physical rubbish and dig up the soil (of our psyche) before we plant new seeds (new intentions / new life).

In the times of the Return, we have a chance for real change and life-renewing rewards. This is truly a planet of opportunity.

During the Second Return, the wisdom of the Elder comes. Our personal and public safety is under review. This is a difficult time and time for harvesting, the results of work over the past years.

We ask a lot of questions at this time. We cannot repeat past mistakes. We are taking the first steps towards new beginnings.

Saturn often asks "Whose movie am I in?" and challenges to be a director and screenwriter. It would be too easy to read the lines of a famous script. Instead, we must become Self Authors and become the true Authors of our lives.

We need to rewrite our life script. It's not always easy, our life is full of people and situations that no longer reflect our essence. The human unconscious often creates situations that challenge us.

It seems to be hiring other people to play certain roles in our life story - this one will be the boss, this one the victim, and this one the unfaithful lover.

Saturnian post-checks in life are associated with the moments when these people play their roles and it is time to adjust their life script. We must take our projections back and look at the drama of our lives as OUR responsibility. And don't blame anyone.

During the Second Return, Saturn calls for concrete action in the real world, but this is all very subtle. If we don't do what needs to be done, we may no longer have a second chance. If you are putting off checking your health, it may be too late.

If you don't admit to yourself that “my job is killing me, but I have to wait until retirement,” it may actually kill you.

As the body ages, fatigue and depression grow, the body is no longer an object of pride, and then the Spirit has a chance to come forward. Some old habits may show their heads to be chopped off.

You may be asking yourself the question "why should I deal with this issue again?" and the answer is "because you've almost solved it." Now you look at things wiser and more maturely. With the gift of wisdom, you complete unfinished business and situations.

At this time, you need to clean the very foundations - the basements of your existence and look at your non-idealizations, let the illusions go away. Now is the time to slow down and allow pleasant things to come into your life.

We can return to what gives the fruits of our experience - to a certain project, to what we can do well and even better.

And here are the tools to help you pass the Saturnian tests:

1 Be discern (discern)

Since I am wiser today than I was a year ago and know much more, I can wisely use elections based on clarity of intentions. Dream of a future with a clearly visible path between the trees. "Know thyself" and "Nothing superfluous" - the inscriptions from the Delphic temple are clearly for me.

Now it is necessary to retreat from the excesses of youth and clearly understand what I can and cannot do.

2 Be cordial

Take the courage to ask knowledgeable people for advice. And at home: how much I project my insecurities and fears into the surrounding reality, making my life unhappy, unable to take responsibility and heartily perceive others.

3 Go Deeper

"All or nothing" is a rather superficial quick decision, but Saturn doesn't like "quick". No quick decisions and things done in a hurry! It is better to withstand the tension of rending contradictions and internal conflicts until a new shaping of the idea emerges.

And only then is it time to get out of your usual comfort zone and do it! Dig deeper - you will find precious water at the very bottom!

4 Act!

In the end, Saturn rewards those who do and depresses those who procrastinate from day to day.

Ironically - but while we are waiting (warm and good weather for spring - good weather by the sea :)) Saturn is testing us for the strength of our faith - rebirth and rebirth. We are like seeds on a windowsill, waiting for seedlings and watering.

And in due time we must act, dig deep, separate weeds from emerging flowers ..

... everything comes in due time ..

We dwelt in great detail on the Saturn Return cycle (especially for my reader who asked a question), but there are also many other cycles - for example, the opposition of Uranus and the square of Neptune at the age of about 40-42 years, called the Middle Age Crisis, the Return of Jupiter - occurs every 12 years old and also marks the beginning and end of certain milestones in life, an upgrade in lifestyle.

Personal cycles can be learned through consultations with astrologers, and everyone has their own working astrological influences in difficult moments of life.

Conclusion: the events taking place are influenced by planetary, cosmic, etc. cycles.

Advice: if you need support in times of crisis, contact professional therapists (psychologists, astrologers, etc.) and support groups, ask for help from friends and family. They will definitely help you regain lost hope.

What to do when everything is bad - how to act in a difficult period of life, when it seems that everything is crumbling.

Everyone in life has periods when everything collapses, falls out of hand and everything only gets worse.

Doors close before you, friends turn away, life turns into hell. And it seems that nothing good just can be. It could only get worse. How to act and how to behave in this difficult period of the "black strip"?

What to do when things are really bad

Step 1 - don't panic or get discouraged

The more we panic, the more mistakes we make, worsening our situation. Sadness and depression take away the strength to deal with circumstances. Keeping a cool head is difficult, but it will be the surest thing to do under the circumstances.

Step 2 - Do not fight with anyone

During such periods, everyone usually has nerves on the side-altar and it is as easy as shelling pears to break on someone. But in order not to remain alone in difficult times, it is better not to quarrel with your friends and family if possible, they will be very useful to you. You shouldn't also argue with oncoming people on the street, bus, etc., they simply respond to your negative attitude towards life. Treat people as condescending and understanding as possible. This will protect you from a lot of unpleasant moments.

Step 3 - keep smiling

Of course, everything goes to hell, but this does not mean that life ends. It just happens that you have to go through. Smiling, even the most artificial one, will help you cope with your emotional state. The fact is that the position of the facial muscles is interconnected with the release of certain hormones in our body. That is, when serotonin is produced in our body, we involuntarily begin to smile, no matter how hard we try to restrain ourselves. You can also achieve the opposite success. If you put on even the most artificial smile on your face and maintain this position for 5-10 minutes, you will notice that your mood will improve significantly. Perhaps this will not clarify your position, but it will obviously be easier to think.

Step 4 - Trust that things will get better

No matter how strange it may sound in our materialistic time, faith is half the way to success. Believe me, it's not enough either. Believing in something, without noticing it yourself, you form a kind of energy impulse that is thrown into the outside world. This impulse will definitely return to you in the form random decision, advice or assistant. This is how the special energy of our consciousness works, since the world is a huge organism in which everything is interconnected and mutually attractive.

Step 5 - Resign yourself and take what is happening for granted

Sometimes it is very difficult for us to understand what is happening in the right light. We simply cannot know why something that we liked and liked in principle collapses. Why are such dramatic changes taking place? However, in order to build something more durable and large, first of all it is necessary to destroy the old, no matter how unpleasant this fact may seem to us.

Think back to your youth. How we wanted something and how angry we were when we could not get it or do it. Remember how grateful you were later when you realized what consequences all this could lead to. But this realization does not come immediately to regret. It takes time and patience. Therefore, no matter how difficult and bitter it is for you now, just know that there are logical reasons for this.

Even after the worst storm, the sun always comes out. The main thing is to remember this and not to forget during the very middle of the abyss of unpleasant events.

When everything falls apart

Human life is full of surprises, both good and bad!

However, today I would like to touch upon those moments of life that radically affect people. Personal tragedies, breaks and losses.

To do this, let's imagine for a moment the life of an imaginary person and add to his fate something that God forbid each of us to experience!

So, a child was born, let's say a girl. The first day at school, school days, vacations, first love, graduated from school and went to college ...

It seems like a standard period of life. Let's not be distracted by "minor difficulties".

Now let's see who (as a person) has become to 30-35 years old our imaginary person !?

That's right, nothing "military" is listed here, the person has gone through a fairly normal life until then, with the exception of children!

But why do we focus on this particular period? Because the regularity of life with such a fairly long period of time (by the age of 30-35) already carries a danger!

Do not consider me a pessimist or a provocateur, just further I will deliberately begin to change the life of our heroine radically and deplorably for her. And all because you cannot pretend that this does not happen!

… Another 3 years have passed. And then something happens that some may think "well, this is life."

Our heroine is abandoned by a loved one and leaves forever….

We will even close our eyes to the fact that suddenly this could not happen. Suppose our heroine was "blind" and did not notice when her family broke down.

Do you think it will be easy for her to get over it morally?

I will say more, even if you drop love and leave only the feeling of attachment - it will be a real tragedy. And if she also loved her husband, then the WHOLE WORLD will simply collapse around her!

She will not be able to: concentrate on work, enjoy the sun, communicate with friends, even think normally, and it will be difficult.

This is not all. It will be terribly difficult to fall asleep at night. And even having forgotten herself in a dream, she will wake up in the morning and feel as if a heavy column of sadness is falling on her chest. And grief (namely grief) will overwhelm her with renewed vigor, like something dark and burning a stain from within, will devour her, not allowing her to live normally. A sea of ​​tears and complete apathy for everything around are inevitable.

Terrible? Unfortunately yes! There are very few people who can avoid all this, if they find themselves in a similar situation.

And the first reason here is a sudden betrayal that brought down all the inner and holy pillars. A person will never think that his measured and calm life can end overnight! And when it comes - the world around collapses!

The second reason- this is the hidden danger that a long and measured period of life carries! The fact is that the depth and pain from the possible collapse of the usual way of life is proportional to the duration of this period. In other words, the longer, the harder it is to forget and change everything!

Moreover, we do not even touch upon the material structure. Only the inner state of our heroine!

Here is one example for you, which in an instant can completely change a person! And the worst thing is to change it irrevocably. Believe me, there are destinies that are much worse than the one we just presented! And don't look for hints here, I just couldn't help touching on this topic.

Well, now, I will not cheat on myself and I will give one effective advice to those who (I hope that there are none) found themselves in a similar situation. It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. Betrayal and collapse hit everyone alike.

So. If the world collapses overnight , if you cannot believe that a loved one betrayed you, and if you have this shock situation, then DO NOT TRY TO RETURN EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY!

Tears, requests, calls - all this is useless! Apart from aggravating the situation and additional pain, this will not bring.

You need to remove this inner feeling of horror and the future mental picture "what will happen next?"

And this is how it is done. You do not need to persuade yourself, they say, you are a strong person and everything that is not done is for the better. That's bullshit! It won't help!

On the contrary, imagine that exactly one month later, your loved one will return to you! Moreover, you need to imagine that neither he nor you are to blame for what happened!

I understand: anger, love, hatred, sentimentality - all this will in turn fill your consciousness. Therefore, try to drive away negative thoughts and emotions from yourself, and leave only positive ones!

Draw yourself the situation in all details, like in a month or two, you two WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AND ALREADY FOREVER!

I know what I am saying! Exactly so and not otherwise! Your consciousness is already traumatized, so it is very important here GIVE HIM WHAT IT HAS LOST - regularity, even in dreams!

This is not self-deception! With the right attitude, it will be exactly how you draw your future inside yourself!

Second... You don't need to think in a moment of grief whether you can forgive and accept back or not. YOU DECIDE THIS LATER! Now the most important thing is your state of mind! Remember this!

Constantly imagine that everything is about to work out! Give yourself a specific deadline: in a month, three, six months, a year - but he (s) EVERYTHING WILL COME BACK TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY!

Third. Burn comedy series on DVD. Let them be primitive, the main thing is the result. And this is your laugh or your smile! Watch them for hours on end!

All in all, Your goal is to soften the blow to self-awareness! All the rest - later! How long it will take you also should not worry.

Thoughts will still return to reality, and here you need to show your will. Convince yourself that your loved one just left for a couple of months.

I emphasize! This advice suitable only for those who really experience mental anguish in a similar situation!

May nothing like this happen to you, as described above!

And let this information remain for you a regular article on the Internet!

83 comments on "When it all falls apart"

For every person, at some point in his life, his hour X may come, when the usual picture of the world collapses and there is not the slightest idea of ​​what will happen tomorrow ...

My naive, rosy and happy world collapsed overnight. The grief fell like a tsunami, sweeping away and destroying everything that was built in thirteen years of family life in its path.

My husband, a military pilot, died in a car accident. I was left with two children, without a job, without my own place to live, without the slightest idea of ​​what will happen to us tomorrow. It was the ninety-third year ...

This shouldn't have happened ?!

I remember that on that tragic day of my life, with all my being, I longed for only one thing: to UNDERSTAND what was wrong with us, why and according to what LAW or someone's evil WILL it happened ?!

Later, when I came to my senses a little, I remembered that for some time before that, we were with him in some strange state, as if all the time preparing for parting, saying goodbye, without realizing it ...

My husband gave me orders. He could unexpectedly, not paying attention to passers-by, pick me up in his arms and carry me all the way to the house ...

“It shouldn't have happened to you,” people told me. And in my soul there was a Riot against the UNJUSTICE OF LIFE !!!

The mercy of life is manifested through people

It was at this moment that my friends introduced me to a woman who knew how to view other people's past lives.

As it turned out later, she was my mother, sister, lover, friend in past incarnations.

And this time it was she who helped me to open the window of my consciousness so that I could start breathing again, live and move on. For many years, already in this life, we have become like-minded people. And now the grandmothers of their beloved grandson.

I experienced the first dive as a second birth

First dive in past life I took it as proof of what I always wanted to believe: THERE IS NO DEATH!

The joy of this realization that I already was, is and therefore will ALWAYS be - not comparable to any other feeling! Is it only from the moment of the birth of children!

I still clearly remember that piercing feeling when for the first time I hugged my eldest daughter to my chest and thought: THERE IS NO DEATH! There is only ENDLESS LIFE, there is only one endless DELIGHT OF LIFE!

Then, of course, unconsciously, I experienced a new meeting with the soul of my child whom I have tragically lost in many lives. Pain and Joy were merged into one inseparable feeling of LOVE.

Why did I need all this?

Thus began my journey to myself. Fascinating, exciting, with amazing discoveries, dangers, anxieties, disappointments, pain and joy. Everything is like in life.

Sometimes the transformation of consciousness caused such pain in the body that it was difficult to move. But over time it passed "by itself."

Sometimes the immersion turned out to be so deep that it took a lot of spiritual strength to go through all this and not lose the sense of reality ...

But I know absolutely for sure: never, in any of these moments of my study of the LAWS of the UNIVERSE, I was not left without the support of invisible helpers and with the help of which I overcame my self-restraint.

And today in my heart there lives endless LOVE and GRATITUDE for this help and mercy.

My Universe has become infinite!

Acceptance is what I never tire of moving down this path.

Now I know the story of our love, written by us not only in this life. I know how hard it was for my husband to lose me in the past. Our souls learn to be free in love, helping each other to find and accumulate spiritual and mental strength.

Fate gave me another meeting with a man whom I have known for many, many lives. I have been waiting for her for 15 years. It turned out to be surprising that he was also looking for me, was very close, but was waiting in the wings for H.

The pain of parting and loss (I really hope and believe in this!) Will no longer kill me and will not deprive me of my mind, as it was in my past incarnations. And I am GRATEFUL to my soul mate who agreed for me and for the souls of our children to this lesson.

It's worth going through

But do not think that only one knowledge of the root cause of the event, if it has its roots in the past incarnation, automatically makes you free and happy.

My experience suggests that the deeper the problem, the more serious and global the transformation of our consciousness is needed, the more evolutionary the process of a person's spiritual growth becomes.

Change happens gradually, step by step, bringing us closer to our True Self.

But if a person is ready, these changes can be rapid. And then there is an instant transformation. I would compare it to the way the cryptography appears on a sheet brought to the fire ...

A person becomes more manifested in all his qualities, brighter as a person. It's worth going through.

Therefore, the path itself over the years has become for me and my family a way of life and a way of thinking. It is no longer possible to stop halfway. I began to look at everything differently.

A chance given to everyone

From the very beginning of the appearance of the Institute of Reincarnation, it was important for me to understand in what direction its development will go? And what I see today is very inspiring to me.

I think that collective consciousness and support can dramatically accelerate the evolutionary movement of each person. Moreover, right now humanity has received such a chance.

And I am among those who are ready to take advantage of this. And you?

P.S. It seems to me that my personal story can help someone find spiritual support in the most terrible moment of life, when everything is crumbling. Because only after experiencing this, you can tell people: "EVERYTHING WILL BE WELL!"

What sadness looks like

I advise you not to believe any premonition that brings melancholy and dismal state of mind to you; but to believe as God arranges. But God always arranges for us what is useful and saving.

Venerable Ambrose of Optina

How to take care of sad person... Video:

MOOD: drop everything and go with the cat to Prostokvashino.

No matter how bad you feel.
No matter how unbearable the current moment may seem to you.
No matter how impossible the future may seem to you.
Do not rush.
You have no other time in your Life.
And this nightmare is also part of the time allotted to you.
And your mood is a part of you living now.
Remember yourself.
That you are.
That you are still Here.
That there is still a lot in you that can make you feel good.
You don't have to seem, you are what you are.
And it doesn't matter what will be there in this hazy future.
It's you - and there has never been another like that and never will be.
Postponing Life just because you feel bad is not a good idea.

All battles are needed in life in order to teach us something. Even the ones we are losing.

Paulo Coelho

As long as I can see it, - I thought, - cloudless sky and sunlight - I dare not be sad.

Whatever happens in your life, always reach for the stars, for the better, for the good!

When it seems that everything in life is crumbling, start thinking about what to build on the vacant place.

Pack your problems in an old bag and smile, smile, smile.

When it seems that everything in life is crumbling, start thinking about what to build on the vacant place)

Even when you are sad, when you feel sorry for yourself, when you are unhappy, tired or full of pessimism, you should always keep a small spark in your soul, which will be caring and tender, like good mother child, tell you: “Everything is fine, everything will be fine. All this pain and sorrow will surely pass. Life is STILL great. Believe it. Relax and calm down. What can you do to make you feel a little better? Even if it's a mere trifle - a phone call to a friend, a bubble bath, a scented candle or a good movie, do it.

Jamie Cat Callan - Bonjour, Happiness!

French secrets of a beautiful life.

When I am sad, I try to please someone, to do some kind of good deed. Seeing how the other person rejoices, you rejoice yourself. The best thing is when you can help someone.

If everything is not clear, and everything is already in itself, and does not depend on you, you just need to stop and have some tea. Everything itself will decompose, it will work itself out).

When cats scratch their hearts

Do not try to rudely shout "scatter!"

Give them a little hope,

Sometimes you have to run to see who will run after you. Sometimes you have to speak softer to see who is actually listening to you. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see who else is on your side. Sometimes you have to make the wrong decisions to see who's with you when things fall apart.

One priest had to repay the debt by morning, but there was no money. The disciples were worried about where to get the money, and the priest was calm. He took a piece of paper and wrote twenty-five ways that money could come. And on a separate note he wrote another twenty-sixth. The next morning the money came from somewhere. Then the students read the entire list of twenty-five possible ways, then it did not have the case thanks to which the money came. Then they opened a separate piece of paper. It said, "God doesn't need our advice."

One thing is important: do not get embittered by disappointments, learn to forget about the past and admit that not every day will be sunny. And when you are lost in the darkness of despair, remember that only in the darkness of the night are the stars visible, and these stars will lead you home. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall. More often than not, the greatest reward comes from the thing that scares us the most.

Many believe that the trials of this life are necessarily the reckoning for past sins. But is the metal in the forge heated because it has sinned and must be punished? Is this done in order to improve the properties of the material? Lobsang Rampa

Every difficulty we face in life is a part of general plan whose goal is to help us get to know ourselves better.

In adversity we gain strength; thanks to diseases, we find out the price of health; when faced with evil, we begin to value good; thanks to stress, we learn the true value of relaxation. Greek proverb

Any situation that does not suit you is not a reason for worries, but just a reason for thinking about the reasons for the events that are taking place.

Everyone has their own Guardian Angel ... He silently watches so that no one offends .., but if it does happen ... do not despair) He is quiet ... a little later .. will give you happiness! ...))

Sometimes, it will cover you with melancholy, and you want to cry bitterly ...

A WOOL SOUL comes ... talking about something of its own ...

You will burrow into a purring belly, you will tell how difficult it is to live ...

Do you know when the biggest difficulties in life come?

They come when you have lost your way so badly that the light at the end of the tunnel is barely perceptible.

You see, you can deceive anyone, but not yourself and me. We know the whole truth.

When you go astray, I give you signs of it.

When you keep going in the wrong direction, I try to tell you about it by presenting the problem. Small, but it has another sign.

If you can't hear, then another bigger one.

Then I stop giving you energy.

Then I take your health. This is already for the most inattentive to me ...

After all, someone already told you about this: “When you go your own way, the entire Universe will contribute to the realization of your dreams,” right?

When you walk right, you have no problem. You have tasks that nurture you, but along with them you always have the energy to create.

No devastation, no despair. Only creation, only inspiration, only strength and energy.

You are here to go your own way. And I love you so much that I am ready to cause very wonderful trouble, just to wake you up.

Somewhere far away lives a kind, quiet person who collects all sad tears, makes stars out of them and hangs them in the sky. And when the cause of sadness disappears, the star falls so that someone on earth could make a happy wish.

When you are sad about another mistake, try to look at it as a lesson that you really need at the moment.

If you can't change anything, don't know how to do it, then just love. The Energy of Love will untie everything by itself.

The dawn is not so far away, but before you can reach it, you need to survive the dark night.

There is always a way.

The path, which seemed to have led you astray, suddenly turns out to be the fastest and shortest to the oasis. Always remember that behind every moment there is something that is hidden and you can never know for sure what true value this person or situation brings to you.

A balanced person lives in harmony, peace, joy, health, prosperity; she does not suffer. The more a person suffers, the more he has forgotten who he is true.

When you almost gave up, and instead continued to “walk,” miracles happen at that moment ... Do not give up.

Throw what weighs you down into the depths of the sea! Forget it, forget it! The ability to forget is a divine gift! If you want to fly, if you want to live at heights, give up what oppresses you.

A strong person is not the one who is doing well.

Sometimes God challenges you to discover the Power in you.

This is the only way you can go beyond your limited ideas. You should be pushed so far that you will simply have to accept. Only when your pride and arrogance are crushed will you discover the Power within you. But this Power does not belong to you. This is the Power to which you belong, and which will manifest itself through your body. This Power is God.

When you completely surrender yourself, your ego, such miracles become possible.

When you feel bad, it’s the baby crying inside you. Take care of him. Despite the fact that many of us look serious, solid, cool, etc., we are all, in essence, still children. “Ride yourself on the carousel,” which means do what you like best. To correct reality, take a special time-out, during which you will simply rest, not thinking about the problems: "My world and I are going for a walk." This time is worth it, because the layer needs to be cleaned - a lot depends on it. Buy your favorite treat: "Eat and eat, my dear, get well." Dedicate the whole day to yourself, your pleasures. Take care of yourself, carefully put yourself in bed: "Sleep, my dear, your world will take care of everything." VADIM ZELAND - REALITY TRANSPORTATION.

Misfortune is like a strong wind. I do not mean that he leads us astray. He rips off our clothes, and we remain as we really are, and not as we would like to seem. Arthur Golden. Memoirs of a Geisha

Inner strength is the ability to respect other people's music, but dance to your own melody and listen to your harmony.

Despair only happens when there are expectations.

Nothing can despair me if I don't expect anything.

Maturity is the transition from waiting for external support to finding internal support.

Frederick Perls

In difficult times, people, emotions, actions and motives become transparent, like well-washed glass. And you can see what's inside.

When from everything that has fallen on you, you will reach the state that you can no longer stand, in no case do not retreat. This is exactly the place where your destiny will change.

If you are trying to solve a problem, do it with love. You will understand that the cause of your problem is a lack of love, for that is the cause of all problems.

Look for gifts in everything - especially when you find yourself in a situation that seems negative. Everything that we attract into our life makes us grow and develop, and therefore, is good for us. Everything that surrounds us serves our good. Adapting to external changes, we develop in ourselves new qualities, new forces. These qualities always turn out to be exactly what we need to be successful in the future ...

Now, at this moment, do absolutely nothing. Right now, right now, don't try to change anything. Forget everything that happens for one minute. When you don’t think about what’s happening, peace comes. Peace of mind depends on the thoughts in the head. Your life situation is not a problem, the problem is what you think about your life situation. Peace, Silence itself, Happiness itself, Love itself are completely independent of anything. It is here and now, it is always there.

Never be discouraged. Whatever happens, no matter how hard it is, remember - you need to take a step and another step. If necessary, then step again. These steps will lead you to where your heart wanted to go. The main thing is, do not stop, take steps, even when you do not see where to go, all the same, go. Only you choose where to stay, so move until you are where you want to stay.

Lord, give me the strength to change what I can, give me the courage to accept what I cannot change, and give me wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Nobody knows how fate will turn out ... Live freely and do not be afraid of changes. When the Lord takes something, do not miss what he gives in return ...
Someone says: time heals us ... No, everything is not so - we are treated by solitude, willpower and the ability to analyze life events. We heal ourselves!

If your heart is very bad, rejoice: you have found a cruel error in your program. And you have a great opportunity to fix it, because mental pain is the seventh sense of a person with the help of which these mistakes are discovered.

Whenever you are angry or upset, it only means that you still have a lot to learn.

Pain is just a barrier. Step over it and you will do the impossible.

The main causes of suffering are recklessness, selfishness and total ignorance. Eyes, ears and tongue lead a person on the path of anger and anger instead of making him a messenger of peace and harmony. Wrong work of the mind is the cause of pride and envy.

Something brought you here.

Trust this power.

Until a person gives up, he is stronger than his fate ...

There are always times when a person feels empty and alienated. Such moments are sometimes very desirable because they mean that the soul has lifted anchor and set sail to distant places. This is detachment - when the old has ended and the new has not yet come. If you are afraid, this state may seem like suffering, but there is really nothing to be afraid of. Remember the instruction: whatever you stumble upon, go beyond it. Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

When a person feels emptiness, this indicates a lack of love - love for oneself, for a person of the opposite sex, for family, neighbors or friends. ()

There are days in life when you need all your will so as not to drown in the streams of negative events and destructive circumstances. You have to be strong to fight back the enemy, the tax authorities, illness, problems in your personal life and even fate itself. But what can one person do when the whole world is up in arms against him? Huddle in a corner, cry and ask not to beat yourself? We do not think so and, based on the experience of sages and older generations, we will tell you about how to get through difficult times without much damage.

Don't give up

I noticed that even those people who claim that everything is a foregone conclusion, and that nothing can be done about it, look around before crossing the road.
- Stephen Hawking -

The first thing you want to do, when virtually all of your life has been torn apart by a nuclear explosion, is to surrender. You think that "it had to happen" because you grew up in this family, worked in this company and lived with this girl - the stars fucked you, and you seem to have nothing to do with it. But even if fate and fate exist, this does not mean that you need to give control of your life to the flow and emptiness. Many people want to throw off the burden of responsibility for their own mistakes, but when you step aside from this responsibility, you personally sign the death sentence to everything human that you have, you transform into a decorative dog that is not able to survive in real world- rats will eat.

Count on yourself

A bit of a religious quote from Stephen King, but he grasped the point perfectly. Many are waiting for help from space, good luck, various funds and even the government. The modern fairies and elves who have to bring bags of gold coins can be many real organizations like universities. The graduate thinks that he has a red diploma, he was trained, which means that locomotives of vacancies will soon fall on his head, but this does not happen, because he understands that he will have to achieve everything himself, and a piece of paper will not help much. The same thing happens in moments of complete despair: we pray to higher powers to save us, having lost faith in ourselves. But if you do not believe in yourself, then why the hell should a conditional Buddha help you? You have already decided everything for yourself.

Don't be your own enemy

This is what I liked at Hecaton today: “You ask, what have I achieved? I have become my own friend! " He achieved a lot, for now he will never be alone. And know: such a person will be a friend to everyone.
- Lucius Annei Seneca -

Alcohol, drugs, gluttony and gambling addiction - an overabundance of these wonderful things is killing you. But a person still turns to them when something terrible happens. He wants to forget himself, rest, get into a fairy-tale world, where there are no problems - it is a pleasure. This is not an option. Thus, you only destroy your nervous system, body and soul. And, of course, the time that could have been spent trying to get out of the hole where you fell. No, we are not against alcohol and cigarettes, but at critical moments it is better to refuse them - there is too much temptation to cross the line of what is permissible and learn what an addiction you would not wish on anyone.

Stop Blaming the World for Troubles

Well, your friend did a terrible thing, you got fired, and some rubbish was found in your body. It is logical to assume that not only you are to blame for all these troubles, but also your environment, and maybe even whole system, government, economy, and indeed the whole world. You think that in the era of the Vikings your life would be more beautiful, but here there is only one kingdom of vicious consumerism. But the problem is not in the world - the problem is in you. You too often blame others, point out mistakes to them, and don't want to see your flaws. In moments of decline in bodily and spiritual strength, such entertainment will come out on your side. Stop blaming and start looking for reasons - understanding them will lead to a plan of action that will help you cope with difficulties.

Do not wait, but act

Just imagine. You are a fish, you live in a pond, and the pond dries up. You need to mutate into an amphibian, but someone pesters you and persuades you to stay in the pond, they say, everything will work out.
- And The Hippos Boiled In Their Pools, William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac -

Sometimes the right decision lies on the surface, but you do not make it, because there are “smart people” who tell you: do not rush, you can lose everything; Appreciate what you have! But the world works according to different laws. If you want to lose something, then the best thing you can do is to be inactive. Inaction makes you food for the other predatory inhabitants of the country. And action, on the other hand, makes the world an object with which you can interact. That is, if you want to correct the deplorable reality, then you need to act and act strenuously. You can't stand in one place and think that everything will work out - nothing will.

Sapyong Mipam with devotion, love and gratitude

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

© 1997 by Pema Chodron

Afterword to the 20th Anniversary Edition © 2016 by Pema Chodron

Published by agreement with Shambala Publications.

Inc with the assistance of Alexander Korzhenevsky Agency (Russia)

© Melikhova A.A., translation into Russian, 2018

© Design. LLC "Publishing house" Eksmo ", 2018

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Introduction

In 1995 I went on a long vacation. For a whole year I did nothing. It was the most inspiring period in my life, and it greatly contributed to my spiritual development. Basically, all I did was relax. I read a lot, walked and slept. I cooked and ate, meditated and wrote. I had no schedule, no tasks, no "must-do". I understood a lot for myself during this period filled with freedom. I very slowly took apart two boxes of unedited lecture notes that I gave from 1987 to 1994. They did not have a cohesive theme, unlike the lectures on datune, which formed the basis of "The Wisdom of Refusing to Run." ("The Wisdom of No Escape"), or the Lojong lectures that made up the book "Start Now" ("Start Where You Are"). From time to time I looked over several transcripts. The material was patchy: some seemed too clever, some delightful. I felt both curiosity and embarrassment as I reread my words. Gradually, I noticed that no matter what topic I chose for the lecture, what country I was at that moment, or what year it happened, I endlessly talked about the same thing: about the incredible importance of maitri(loving-kindness towards yourself) and awakening fearless compassion for your own pain and the pain of others. It seemed to me that in every lecture I stated: we can step into unfamiliar territory and relax, accepting the uncertainty of our situation. Other important topic, to which I kept returning, - the dissolution of dual perception, avoiding the division into "we" and "they", "that" and "this", "bad" and "good". My teacher Chogyam Trungpa used to say about it this way: "Lean on sharp corners." I realized that all these seven years I was just trying to learn myself and pass on to others the important and daring advice that Trungpa Rinpoche gave to his students.

About six months later, my editor, Emily Hilburn Sell, asked if I had lecture notes that could form the basis of a third book. I sent her boxes with the notes that I had. She read the transcripts and, filled with excitement, told Shambhala Publications, "We will have another book."

For the next six months, Emily worked with the material: selecting, deleting, rules. And I worked on each next chapter for my own pleasure. I completely immersed myself in these lectures, taking a break only to look at the ocean or walk in the hills. Once Rinpoche gave me advice: "Relax and write." Years later, I was finally able to use it.

This book is the result of my doing nothing for a year and my collaboration with Emily.

Let this book inspire you to take your first steps towards finding harmony, and take these teachings of honesty, kindness, and courage to heart. If your life is chaotic and stressful, you will find many useful tips... If you are suffering from loss or anxiety, then these teachings are for you. Their main meaning is that we all need to remember the importance of being able to accept everything that arises and turn everything that we encounter into a path to enlightenment.

In putting these teachings into practice, we join a long line of teachers and students who have used the dharma, or teachings of the Buddha, to work with the ups and downs in Everyday life... We, as they were before, are able to make friends with our ego and reveal in ourselves the primordial wisdom.

I thank Vidyadhara, the Venerable Chogyam Trungpu Rinpoche, for dedicating his life to dharma and so willingly communicating its essence western people... Let the inspiration I have received sweep you too. May we, like him, take the path of a bodhisattva and always remember his words: "Chaos is very good news."

Pema Chodron,

Gampo Monastery, Pleasant Bay, Nova Scotia, 1996

Chapter 1
A close encounter with fear

Fear arises as a natural reaction when we approach the truth.

Spiritual quest can be likened to traveling in a fragile boat across the ocean in the hope of discovering unknown lands. With sincere practice comes inspiration, but sooner or later we also face fear. After all, we only know that, having reached the horizon, we will find ourselves on the edge of the world. Like all pioneers, we are drawn to find out what awaits us there, but we are not sure if we will have the courage to face it face to face.

If we are interested in Buddhism and we decided to find out what it can offer us, then we will soon learn that there are different approaches to practice. When we choose insight meditation, we start with mindfulness, with the fact that we are fully aware of all our actions and words. In Zen practice, we receive teachings on voidness and try to connect with open, limitless mental clarity. The Vajrayana teachings teach us how to work with the energies of any situation, perceiving whatever arises as enlightened energy. Any of these approaches can be used, but if we want to go deeper and practice without hesitation, we will inevitably face fear at some point.

Fear is familiar to every creature. Even a tiny insect is afraid. When we put our hands in the water next to the soft, open sea anemones, they close. It is a spontaneous reaction of all beings. It is perfectly normal that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. Fear is part of life, it is inherent in all beings. This is our reaction to the possibility of loneliness, death, or lack of support in life. Fear arises as a natural reaction when we approach the truth.

If we decide to be here and now, our life will sparkle with new colors.

During one of the long retreats, an insight came to me: we cannot be in the present and distracted by our thoughts at the same time! I know it sounds obvious, but when you discover it for yourself, your life will change. Impermanence is especially evident in the present moment. The same goes for compassion, amazement, and courage. And fear. In fact, anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, completely immersed in the present and devoid of a point of reference, experiences a kind of state of weightlessness. At this point, our understanding deepens, we discover that being in the present moment is a rather vulnerable state and that it can be both frightening and gentle at the same time.

When we embark on a spiritual journey, we carry with us a baggage of all kinds of ideas and expectations. We seek answers to satisfy our long-term hunger. But the last thing we would like is to get to know our inner demons even closer. Of course, people are trying to warn us. I remember when I first received instructions on meditation, the woman who was explaining the practice to me said: "Please do not think that meditation will save you from irritation." But all the warnings of the world are not able to convince us. Rather, they push us on the path.

It's about getting to know fear, getting to know it better, looking it in the eye. We do this not to solve our problems, but to learn to see, hear, taste and smell, think in a completely new way. But once we start, we will be forced to show humility all the time. We will have no reason for the arrogance that arises when we follow any ideals. Our willingness to take the next step will cut it off. The discoveries that we will make through practice have nothing to do with belief in anything. Rather, they are associated with a willingness to die, a willingness to die all the time.

Both the teachings on mindfulness and the teachings on voidness or working with energies tell us one thing: being in the present moment pins us to the point in time and space where we are. When we stop and take no action, then we meet our heart. As one of my disciples eloquently said, "Buddha nature is cleverly disguised as fear and kicks us to be open and receptive."

I once attended a lecture where the presenter talked about his spiritual experience in India in the 1960s. This man was determined to get rid of his negative emotions. He fought with anger and lust, with laziness and pride. But most of all he wanted to get rid of fear. His meditation teacher kept repeating to the man, "Stop fighting," but for him these words were just another way of explaining how to overcome obstacles.

Finally, the teacher sent him to meditate in a tiny hut at the foot of the mountains. The man closed the door and began to practice, and when it got dark, he lit three small candles. About midnight he heard a sound in the corner of the room and saw a huge snake in the twilight. It seemed to him that it was a king cobra. She was right in front of him, swaying from side to side. The man did not sleep all night, not taking his eyes off the snake. He was paralyzed with fear. At that moment, only the snake existed, he himself and his fear.

Shortly before dawn, the last candle burned out, and the man began to cry. He cried not out of despair, but out of tenderness. He felt the aspirations of all animals and people on earth: he understood their loneliness and their struggle. All his meditation was nothing more than isolation and struggle. He truly, with all his heart, accepted that he was angry, envious, resisted, fought and was frightened.

When we stop and take no action, then we meet our heart.

He also realized his immeasurable value - he was wise and stupid, rich and poor, and completely incomprehensible. And he was filled with gratitude. In complete darkness, he got up, walked over to the snake and bowed. And then he fell asleep right on the floor. When he woke up, the snake was gone. He never knew if she was a figment of his imagination or really existed, but that already seemed unimportant. As he said at the end of the lecture, such a close acquaintance with fear eliminated all his personal inner dramas, and he opened up to the world around him.

No one ever tells us, "Stop running away from your fears!" It is extremely rare for us to hear advice to get closer to our fear, get to know it, just be with it. I once asked Zen master Kobun Chino Roshi what his relationship was with fear, and he replied, "I agree with him, just agree." But usually we are advised to sweeten it, flatten it, take a medicine or be distracted, do everything to make it disappear.

Such advice is not even particularly necessary, because flight from fear is our natural reaction. At the slightest hint of fear, we lose our composure. We feel it approaching and run away. It is good if we are aware of this and do not blame ourselves, but develop unconditional compassion. The saddest thing about all this is how we deprive ourselves of the present moment.

Sometimes, however, fear drives us into a corner; everything is crumbling and we are looking for escape routes. At such moments, even the deepest spiritual truths seem to us rather straightforward and banal. Nowhere to run. We see this as clearly as everyone else. But sooner or later we realize that even though we cannot turn fear into something pleasant, it will nevertheless help us to realize all the teachings that we have ever heard or read.

So the next time you face fear, consider yourself lucky, He is the source of courage, We usually think that brave people are those who do not feel fear. But the truth is that the brave are the ones who are fearfully intimate,

My first husband once told me that I was one of the bravest people in his life. When I asked why he thinks so, he replied: although I am terribly fearful, I still go and do what I need, no matter how scared I am.

Even when we find out that things are not the way we imagined, it is important to continue research and not to flee. We will face this over and over again. Nothing will ever be what we think. This applies to both awareness and fear. Compassion is not what we thought. Love. Buddha nature. Courage. It's just symbol what we cannot comprehend with the mind, but what each of us experienced. These words indicate what life becomes when we allow the usual order of things to be disrupted and remain chained to the present moment.

Here's an interesting letter: " Hello Olga! Now my personal life has completely collapsed. The soul is empty and it is even unrealistic to think about any kind of love.
I loved my husband very much, did not demand anything in return (as you write), I only gave everything I could, and I could move mountains.
Do you know what the result is after 16 years of marriage?
We live like neighbors, everyone is in debt, there’s always no money, we don’t go anywhere, we’ve been on vacation only once, the owner of the house is not present, he’s not accustomed, and he doesn’t want to do it, and we sleep in different rooms, there have been no close relationships for several years , and he doesn't care about all this.
And what now, how to live and what to believe?
And I just hate him - this is the result of my selfless love. Best regards, Galina. "
__________________________
Answer: Galina, hello! You have touched upon a very important issue: the giving of love and sacrifice. At first glance, there is a return in both cases. But in fact, the difference is colossal!
Giving love implies freedom! Internal freedom.
You can give from an excess, or you can give from a lack of love, as if in advance.
Often we relate to another, expecting the return of reciprocity, we believe that the person will understand, appreciate and return back what he received! True love never ends in hate.
But addiction, attachment, when passion subsides, when the conflict of desires and a sense of duty intensifies, often turns into negative experiences.

Most frequent question to me: "I gave him all of myself, and in return he ... nothing!"- this reproach towards the man suggests that the woman has lost herself in family relationships! The most important thing has been forgotten - we are in a relationship in order to develop! You cannot make another happy and still be unhappy. This does not happen - "playing with one goal", this is a mistake - giving all of yourself without reserve, you raise the other in your own, and in his eyes!
Forgetting about yourself as a woman, and at the same time “disinterestedly” loving a man actually means that another person becomes the meaning of life.
He is elevated to the "throne", they literally serve him - they serve coffee, wash their feet ... But, in return, they expect generous gifts or at least mercy ...
If they don't even talk about it out loud - then, all the same - they are waiting!
It is reminiscent of giving alms with the thought that you have atoned for some sin, with the expectation that now you will be rewarded for your generosity ... Not quite an honest act, is it?
By his "good" deeds with a share of sober calculation, believing that someday he will appreciate and understand, putting another person in some kind of dependence on such an "advance of kindness" and at the same time noting to himself, somewhere in his mind - a plus, and to him - a minus , imperceptibly for ourselves gaining superiority, we leave him only humiliation, without knowing it!
Let him see how kind and considerate, generous and caring I am!
But then, where does the dissatisfaction come from, why does irritation and the expectation of the return of kindness grow, when your kindness has become a habit, resentment and reproaches suddenly arise?
Think about why they say: "The road to hell is laid out by self-sacrifice!" is it because no one needs such sacrifices!

Anyone who is most grateful will tell you in response to your moaning: - "But I didn't ask you about it!"

It is difficult to imagine a good relationship, where there is no balance of giving and receiving, not pulling the blanket, but a mutual union of equal partners! Such a relationship will be harmonious.
Some women refer to the fact that they melted into their husband, he is their idol and they are ready to serve him forever - with faith and truth.
Then do not complain, do not be offended and do not blame your partner for the youth and feelings you spent.
To demand nothing at all in return is also a form of sacrifice. It is important for a woman to be able to ask, but not through tears and suffering, but through her feminine uniqueness and wisdom.
As they say wise people: "For good he will not understand, for bad - certainly you will not force!"
Learn to ask like a woman, and not demand by force, through reproaches and threats, ultimatums - if you don't do it right away, then I'll leave and so on ...
There are many ways to get the desired result - negotiations, communication experience, constant interaction with a partner and, of course, mutual respect. But there is no need for a scandal and tearful scenes with reproaches ...

When one in the family does absolutely everything, it sometimes happens that the other does not even know that they want something from him or are impatiently expected when he will guess and understand at last! ...

If, however, you are more attentive and sensitive to the world around you, notice what is happening and draw conclusions, then you can change your life for the better!
If, however, let everything that happens at the behest of the waves, on its own, then you will have to understand that we have what we deserve.
No one is to blame that everything is very bad ...
There is no need to give all of oneself to anyone ... This removes the responsibility for one's own life. You don't have to make anyone dependent. The words sound strange: "I cannot live without him!"
I would like to hear “I don’t want to live without him,” but what is it - I can’t, unless the conversation is about disability, helplessness of a loved one !?
Putting another in dependence on yourself, it is easy to fall into a terrible situation, zombie, attachment to another person. This is slavery, not harmony with a partner.
Another option for a relationship is to go through life together, but not lose yourself at the same time. Keep a reasonable distance.
But for such an option, you need to have inner freedom and courage. Understanding the state of "We", we are together, because we are growing.
If a relationship is deprived of growth, like a plant closed from the sun and water, without attention and care, such a relationship dies, like all living things.

If there is no relationship, why be there and torture each other?

Here you don't have to think about someone, but about yourself first of all. “What do I want, what worries me, what is happening to me, why? "
And frankly answer such questions to herself. Then there will be inner personal growth.
All life on earth grows and is created by universal love for further development.
When there is no love, relationships do not develop, stagnation lasts, rotting and dying off occurs, then heals and overgrows, like a forgotten and crushed reservoir.
If, in your family, problems drag on for many years, it is most likely that there is no harmony in the relationship at all. There is only coexistence for some purpose, perhaps a temporary, and sometimes aimless existence and expectation of life changes from somewhere, then suddenly, one day, someone or something will change your present and finally water will flow under a pebble ...
Now the most important thing is your question:
- "What to believe and how to live?"
Firstly, “let off steam”, live through all emotions, let go of grievances, you have accumulated a lot of them, no need to save them further, there is nowhere to store them!
Track your thoughts. We get in life what we believe in! If you don’t believe in anything, who will believe you?
- If you are not listening, who will hear you?
Start giving. Give love, respect and joy, because you have it!
Do not feel sorry for the shown feelings and your love and kindness! Love will return to you, having given just a drop once - get two in return!
Reveal yourself as a woman who fell asleep, whom you forgot when you turned your mountains out of business and vanity ...
We must stop living for others and even think so, if we all live only for ourselves and everything we do is primarily for ourselves, for our self-esteem!
Don't try your best to be good, just be yourself. So be versatile.
Eliminate any sacrifice from your life.
If the relationship does not quite suit you today, but nevertheless continues, you can act in at least three ways:
1) leave everything as it is and suffer further or not suffer at all, but accept an inevitable circumstance in your life.
2. Quit everything and leave, leave ... You can't run away from yourself. You can escape from the unlearned lesson, but then you will not move up the level, and you will remain experiencing all over again. The lesson you have not learned will return to you in a different form, with a different person, with similar situations ... And problems will return again.
3. Take responsibility, understand - you deserve what you have now such a result. But don't blame yourself or blame your husband. There is no need to engage in self-flagellation, searching for and “eating the guilty”. You just need to realize that now you want to change everything!
Remember - If a person has a desire, then he has the opportunity to achieve the desired result.
Look for tools and opportunities, fix mistakes.
Changing yourself, you will notice that the world around you - suddenly imperceptibly changed for the better!
Start changing yourself, and the world and your environment will change for the better.
After such a radical cleaning and change, the spouses, as a rule, reconcile and live in perfect harmony or part painlessly, clearly understanding that now, each of them has his own way to different directions.

Good luck in your endeavors!

I wish you wisdom and love!

 

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