Have you always had assistants? — How did you study and work with a small child

Almost daily in conferences on the 7th, topics like "Career or children", "I want to be a housewife!", "Should I go to work?" Today we are talking to a woman whose life includes raising children, family happiness, professional growth and successful business They seem to fit together perfectly. Olga Sorokina (Koneeva) — lawyer, managing partner of O2Consulting, mother of eight children — five sons and three daughters. The eldest daughter is 20, the youngest son is 7 months old.

— Olga, did it all start with learning foreign languages?

- Yes. My mother had a dream - she really wanted to learn French. She began to teach him, but could not continue: life was difficult. And she had a fixed idea that her daughters should be fluent in French. Therefore, I was sent to a school where a number of subjects were taught in French.

From the age of 14 I worked as a translator, accompanied foreign groups. It was both practice and earnings. And at the age of 16, when we went to France, to Brittany, the locals were completely sure that we were from Paris. But for the last 20 years, I rarely use French, only on holidays.

On the basis of French, I learned Italian very quickly - I really liked it, and it took literally three months. Within three weeks, I was able to speak freely. Of course, she did not know grammar very deeply, but she could communicate on any topic.

— That is, you are unfamiliar with the feeling of a language barrier?

— We recently decided to move our family to Europe and began to actively communicate on this topic with friends and relatives. And I realized that many people would like to leave, but their tongue holds them. “Imagine, you will be as if among strangers,” they say. "Why among strangers?" - I do not understand. "Well, you can't just sit down and talk to them." "Why can't I? I can." - "Well, it's hard anyway, it's not my native language..."

— Is your working language now English?

- Yes. I learned English when I came to the States. My first husband worked as a translator and somehow got into a conversation with the rector of one of the American universities - he offered to learn from them. It turned out that the cost of education is very high, but they can give a grant if you pass the exams. And my husband decided to try. We went there, he started to study, and it turned out that there is a special program for the wives of students: they have the right to score fewer points for admission to the university. Three months later, thanks to self-study and attending free courses for illiterate Americans (I didn’t even know that there were such in America!), I was able to pass the exam and study for a year international law in English at Indiana University.

- Before leaving for the USA, you studied for a year at the Moscow State Law Academy ...

— And continued to study there upon her return. Law was my choice right after high school. Many classmates were going to enter the foreign language, and the head teacher dissuaded me foreign languages: "Why do you need a language, you already have it. Go get a profession. A profession plus a language is what you need." I am very grateful to her for this advice.

It was easy to learn. Now I watch how my daughter studies at Stroganovka, and I understand that it was not so hard for me. And at the time of writing my diploma, I can honestly say that I knew my subject better than my supervisor - I had already advised clients. I could read the Napoleonic code and a bunch of other untranslated literature, but my teachers couldn't. I independently studied the legislation of other countries, using the Internet. At the beginning of my career, in the mid-1990s, there were no specialists of this level at all. It turned out to be easy to become in demand: people who could bring our and Western businessmen together were worth their weight in gold.

good difference

- And at that very time you not only studied, consulted, earned money, but also gave birth to children.

- When we got married and left for the States, we expected that the first child would be born there. I knew there was better medicine there. In addition, American citizenship is conferred by birth...

- That is, at the age of 18 you already decided everything in your life on your own?

- From the birth of my first child, my parents dissuaded me a lot. My dad, an obstetrician-gynecologist, thought that I was very sick, that I couldn’t give birth. In addition, he believed that I should devote my life to a career, to become famous either as a lawyer or a journalist.

- It turns out that education is thanks to you, and children - contrary to the parental will?

- I just always liked to study, and at some point there was a strong desire to start a family. Since childhood, I believed that you need to clearly know what you want and enjoy what you do.

- And the age difference between the children was planned?

- Almost always. My sister and I have a two-year age difference - and very a good relationship. I thought that the optimal difference between children is two or three years: they have common interests, they can support each other. The weather is too much. Between senior and junior group, as I call them, a break of six years. Then a break of two years, the weather (also visited the desire to "quickly shoot back" - but it turned out to be very difficult). And now, three years later, he is the youngest.

Have you always had assistants?

- With the first child, we did not attract anyone. But as soon as I started earning more than a housekeeper, I gradually delegated the entire household. There are professionals, and their hour of time is cheaper than your hour when you are doing what you love.

- How did you study and work with a small child?

“But I didn’t know then that you couldn’t work with a small child. I didn't know that you couldn't go to the store with a baby who had just come from the hospital. I didn’t know that something needed to be wiped, sterilized, ironed. I didn’t know a lot of things, and I was very calm. It was a little difficult not to get enough sleep when feeding, but that's okay.

Were all the children breastfed? For a long time?

- I'm still feeding the youngest: I express milk, I leave it. I think this is important, especially in modern world when there is so little of everything real. One child had to stop feeding at 4 months - this was due to my treatment. And the rest - who fed up to a year, who - up to 10 months. Now it so happened in the family that only I get up at night for the younger one - and I even like it.

- Do you delegate childcare?

- My children have nannies who can cook food, dress them, accompany them somewhere - that is, they provide life support. Or a child sleeps in a stroller for two hours - it does not matter to him who carries this stroller, me or the nanny. From time to time, professional teachers appear who can teach them something: well, let's say, they have problems with Russian or with another subject. Why would I waste my time teaching children when there are people who can do it better?

But governesses - those who are called upon to spend time with children, communicate with them, educate them - this, I think, is just not necessary. Parents should convey their concept of the world to their children. Governesses should not be instructed to go to theaters and museums with their children - because this is a live communication, you yourself must observe their emotions and experience your own.

What is important to you in the education of children? What do you expect from the school?

- From the school, I want them to be able to interest children, motivate, instill in them a love for learning. With this I was bribed by Western schools. When I spoke with the director of the school where the younger ones will go this fall, she said: if the child wants, then even the most incompetent can be taught. And the most capable, if he does not want to, is very difficult to teach. Therefore, they spend all their energy on instilling in children a love of learning.

In Russia, this was very difficult, because schools with a good academic level often have such an atmosphere that you don’t want to go there at all. Nobody likes being yelled at...

But private schools are different. They want their parents to be happy. Children always went there with pleasure, but they did not go there to study. In theory, the children in this full-time school were supposed to play sports, music, some additional languages - and as a result, they did almost nothing. They were always offered a choice: do you want to study Chinese or watch cartoons?

Only after a long time did I get the feeling that they were not working there enough. I remembered that at that age I myself worked much more, strained at school. Therefore, she took two older girls and two older boys to the gymnasium and asked them to test in the main subjects - the results were simply shocking! I realized that everything that this private school offered would work - but with my active participation.

After that, we transferred them to home schooling. From the point of view of obtaining knowledge, it really turned out to be more effective, but a psychological problem arose. It turned out that it is difficult for children to work when they have no competition. He is worse, better than others - the child does not understand. Although they communicate a lot with each other, such skills as the ability to build relationships, the ability to make friends, the ability to protect oneself are not sufficiently developed. And the children felt it: there are no friends, there are no collective holidays, school competitions. They all came together and said: we want to go to school, we will try very hard. And we found them a good state gymnasium.

- What are their - or you in connection with them - plans for the future?

- The eldest daughter is studying at the Russian State University for the Humanities at the Faculty of Cultural Tourism, she is a future art critic. The next daughter is studying at the Stroganov Academy at the Faculty of Design. The son, who is now 14, is going to architecture. In general, and I can’t say that I’m happy about this, my elders are creative children, they want to get a profession that is not connected either with business or with the areas in which their parents have always worked.

And the younger ones too. A six-year-old child says: "I was made for music and dance." And I look with hope at my four-year-old daughter: maybe at least she will follow in her parents' footsteps?

It is important for me that children are kind, that they look at life and people with a positive attitude. It is important to show that the material component does not always determine the spiritual fullness of a person, the quality of his education, the life that he will lead.

Interests and compromises

- How to choose a man who wants so many children, pull?

- This is the main thing - to choose a man for yourself and generally choose the right people who surround you. A woman often grabs on to someone who seems acceptable to her, makes some kind of compromise - in advance or only later.

I don't like compromise in life and in relationships. Many say: we need to work on relationships, we need to reconcile - I think that this is a waste of time. You need to be comfortable and in harmony with yourself all the time. And you need to find a person with whom you will have common life principles. How to raise children? What should be the relationship between a man and a woman? What family model do you want to pass on to your children? If you have common views, then the potential for future conflicts is reduced to zero.

It is important not to compromise at the very beginning of a relationship. There are a lot of people, and one must not give up the road to "one's own" person, clinging to a "not one's" person. Because by trying to maintain such a relationship, we close the road to that fortunately, which, perhaps, is waiting for us somewhere.

Women ask: where is the guarantee that we will find "our" man? There is no guarantee. But if you cling to this, you will definitely not find anything.

I think that my life has been successful in this regard. And in the first marriage, and now. With my first husband, we have maintained good partnerships, we communicate about children, we meet during the holidays.

- How do you manage to combine serious business and raising children? Do you know some secret?

Well, firstly, not everyone needs to combine it. For someone, children are quite enough for realization, for someone - work, for someone these components of life exist in other proportions. If a woman wants to be realized in this way, I can say that it is possible - and prove it with my own example and somehow support it.

Secondly, a woman must clearly understand what she wants in this life. If there is an answer to the question "what?", then there is a way to "how". If she has confusion in her head, she cannot formulate her desire, then it is very difficult to realize herself - and this does not depend on the field of application of forces and knowledge.

— What is important to you? In the first place - family, children, and then?

- I am interested in the subject that I do. My clients make billions of dollars worth of deals, and I work as a consultant for them. We participate in negotiations, prepare all legal documentation, check assets, identify risks, and try to evaluate them. We help two parties to negotiate with each other when they suddenly quarrel, and the deal risks not taking place.

On the one hand, this is flattering to me, on the other hand, this is a very high degree of responsibility and trust, and I cannot fail to justify this trust. In addition, it is infinitely interesting to communicate with the "icons" of business, people who have achieved a lot. It's just as interesting, probably, as communicating with famous writers, scientists - the best people in their field. It is very difficult to refuse this - it is a kind of doping.

The second important thing for me is income. I want to show children a lot, teach them a lot, and this costs some money.

It happens, they say: if a woman could not work, she would not work. I tried this option on myself: I take care of children, and we are completely supported by my husband. But then he works 20 hours a day, does not see his family and hardly communicates with children. And for me it is important that children "receive" mom and dad in equal parts.

Sometimes I feel some kind of fatigue: I want to devote less time to business, and more to my family. But I can’t completely refuse to work, because otherwise I will have to change some desires, needs in relation to myself and children. And I want to show them the maximum of opportunities, the whole range - what is in this life. So that later, when they grow up, when they can make responsible decisions, they can make a choice, knowing that there is a choice.

Parenting principles from a millionaire mom who rides different countries to make parents think and avoid the mistakes that parents have been making for decades

Dani Johnson grew up in a poor family, gave birth to a child at 17, became homeless at 21, and earned her first million at 23. In March, a successful business woman, mother of five children and grandmother to several grandchildren, visited Riga and during the seminar spoke about her principles of raising children.

I travel to different countries to make parents think and avoid the mistakes that parents in the USA have been making for decades. Our children are a new generation that is almost lost. Because they are used to getting everything they want as a child, and when they become adults, they just sit on welfare, ”said Johnson.

1. The goal should be already from childhood

Rich people clearly understand what goals their children should have. Yes, they educate future Harvard graduates, future top managers, future doctors or presidents. Meanwhile, the average person gives birth and raises children with the thought: what if you get lucky?

“In the family of my friends, who own their own publishing house, the son did not want to study and did not know at all what to do in life. Then the father made a cardinal decision and sent him to work for a week in a homeless shelter, without any funds. A week later, the teenager returned with a great desire to learn and participate in family business', says Johnson.

2. Without TV and mobile phone

Who best friend"normal" child? Most likely, TV, computer and mobile phone. Dani Johnson's children got their first phones at the age of 16, their father's old computer became their first computer, and there is no TV in the house at all.

"My children cannot afford mobile phone because they don't earn anything. The mobile phone teaches a person not to organize and plan his time, and the TV shows the wrong models of life. What does the SpongeBob cartoon teach you? A lazy, loose, nihilistic man rejoices over the way he has fooled others. Would you like your sons to grow up to be such men? Would you like such husbands for your daughters? If you do not watch TV for 30 days, you can get rid of this addiction, ”Johnson believes.

3. Teach your child to love work

The weekend is coming and what are the kids hearing? Thank God it's Friday; you can take a break from THIS work; my boss is a pig; subordinates do not obey, and the work as a whole infuriates. Such a position from childhood teaches a person that work is bad, hard and unpleasant. Children who are trained like this will not want to work or start own business, says Dani Johnson.

In her family, children from the age of two have been doing simple job around the house, and by the age of 11 their contribution is already quite significant. “This is how they pay for room and board in our house. Nothing in life is free,” says Johnson. She does not use the services of a cook, a maid or a nanny - the family copes with all the housework on their own.
At the same time, it is necessary that the child be able to perform work that he does not like or makes him strain - because this develops character, willpower. If you do only what you like, it will not bring any additional benefit to a person.

4. You are not an ATM machine for your child

“I give my child $50 a year for shoes and four pairs of jeans. You can’t buy any luxury shoes for that kind of money, but if you want to, either go and earn money, or wait for a sale!” Johnson says, noting that the child must be provided with the most necessary, but he must realize special fantasies and desires himself.
“The worst thing parents can do is earn money to give their children what they themselves lacked in childhood. When children grow up, they enter a world where they can no longer afford to live the way they used to, ”says business woman.

5. Spend or save?

With money wasted, there are only two options: buy things you don't need (and provide good education and travel for the children of those businessmen who sell these things), or teach children that money can be saved, earned, and invested. “How to motivate a child not to spend money where it is not necessary? We have a rule at home: save 10 dollars, and I will give you 10 more. When the amount is collected, you can only buy things that allow you to grow and develop: a bicycle, musical instrument, travel,” says Johnson. And don't buy what others buy! As a rule, these are superfluous things that only take up space.

6. Teach Your Child Generosity

Most of successful people are distinguished by emotional and material generosity. They are not envious and very generous. Teach your child respect, urges Johnson. It is no coincidence that the Bible says that 10% must be donated: the children in her family also give 10% of every dollar earned to orphans. 20% remains for recreation and entertainment, and the rest goes to the piggy bank. For the future and implementation of ideas.